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DCSUK Offline OP
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Thanks Chuck

It feels like its positive, but who knows??

What I do know is this situation is not domineering my life as it has in the past

I love her more than anything, but I have learnt that I cannot force or control how she feels or thinks, it has been a long, hard journey, but I'm at peace with myself

We are speaking or texting daily, all started from her

Am I hopeful? Yes
But I'm not expecting anything other than friendship

I love her so much, but if I cannot be with her, I respect her wishes

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Hi all just airing my thoughts

Wife and I have been getting on really well, lots of general chat and honesty

This morning she asked me if I would look after the kids for a few days in April as she was going away for a friends birthday, then she dropped in om was going with her, she had not mentioned him since the email drama and thought it was over
She told me that it wasn't about him, it was a friend of his she met while with him, and would really like to go, my initial reaction was no, I cannot just standby and help her while she goes away with om, but after I calmed down and we spoke some more, it's not about him, she wants to go, and would really like me to help her, she said that she wanted to be honest with me, that I had been controlling in our marriage, and hoped I could understand that this was about her going away for a birthday that she wanted to attend

I agreed, I explained my initial reaction which she totally understood, but she was being very honest with me, and so I said yes

She thanked me, then we had a 2 hour conversation about us, the past and the future
She said that she is on a journey to find what she wants, om is still there, but she doesn't know what's happening, she isn't thinking about it as he's away for another month

She told me she loves me, that I'm her best friend, that she likes the changes in me, but she needs to have some time to heal from the hurt
She is considering councelling , she spoke about us working things out in the future, but doesn't want to commit to anything

She said the last few weeks we have come really close again, she wants to be totally honest with me about everything she does and thinks, she doesn't want to be on edge around me, she acknowledges my changes and loves what I've become
She mentioned how I am with our kids, how they love me and my relationship with them is very sprecial

Basically she told me to be her best friend, not to apply any pressure on her, let her find her way, and who knows what will happen, she said we may end up back together, but at worst we would be best friends

It's dbing at its best!!!!

So I can only continue what I'm doing and who knows what will happen?

If anything being told she loves me, cares for me, and that I'm her best friend isn't bad really!!
If anything it made me love her even more than I do

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And the hits just keep on coming!!!

I am now totally taken back as to how my "wife" is thinking?

Since earlier she called me about our daughter not being well, its only a minor tummy bug, but she was telling me how she was, then we got on about us again, how we are going to best friends, and be totally honest with each other, this is all from her, major shift in her attitude to me.

She wants to be able to do what she feels she needs to do, she is on a journey to be happier as a person, but wants me as her best friend.

Then she tells me that she is thinking about going on holiday with our kids, and maybe I could go as well, if we are getting on??

I mention what OM would think, and its sort of brushed aside?

Then we are talking about how much we chat, how would he feel if he knew how much we talk, she accepts he would not like it, but its brushed under the carpet!
I told her that we both know whats going on, she calls me about the kids, but really they are just used as an excuse for us to talk to each other, she just agreed with me!

I know she is not giving no promises, but is telling me to continue being how I have been lately and who knows?

This is the first time she has told me since we split up, that there was a possibility of us working this out, still not sure how its happened, but its also hard not to get carried away by it and start to push.

She even said that when she goes to the birthday party with OM, she might realise what she actually wants and come home to me and wanting to work on us!!!! WTF!!!!

I just feel that this is a major turning point in "us", there are no promises being made, but its being heavily insinuated that there is a chance, this is the first time in 17-18 months that this has ever been said, I have felt it from her, but she is actually telling me, maybe, lets just see, lets not fight anymore, and maybe we can sort this out.

Major turning point, just hope I don't mess it up

1 question is, should I go a little dark, give her some space now, respect her wishes, or just continue what I'm doing, always being available??

I just don't want to mess up any chance I may or may not have?

Thanks

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Just a few things to add that have come to mind what my "wife" mentiond when we were talking, and they maybe give people hope in what they are doing.

She told me he changes in how I am are massive, and she loves how I have changed.

She said I have gone from being the last person she would want to look after our children, when I was drinking, to the ONLY person she would want to look after them, she told me how I care for them, have fun with them, and how much they love me are unbelievable.

She mentioned how I don't lose my temper anymore, yes I may get upset with things, but I don't blow up anymore, and she feels totally comfortable talking to me about anything.

I cook, I clean, and I take care of my house, again, this was an issue when we were together, I did little around the house, but now I do everything.

These maybe small things to most people, but she has noticed the change, it has taken her a long time to tell me this though, so please don't give up working on you and the changes you are making, they have to be for you, but your "spouse" will see them, you just have to mean them,and make them part of you, not just a way of getting them back.

My big issue and the reason for the split was my drinking, but again she has told me she is very proud of what I've done, and what I am doing.

Don't give up guys if you really want them back, or are just unhappy with how your life is, you can make things better for you!!

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Glad to see your situation's improving DCSUK. I'm in a real state of limbo myself, and haven't had anything positive for the last couple of weeks. Been following your story and it gives me hope that good things can happen to those who are devoted to the process. Keep it up not only for yourself, but to inspire those like me who are floundering around wondering if this is really worth it.


M:28 | W:28 | T:4.5 | M:2.5 | No Children
EA1 Uncovered: Jun 2011
EA2 Uncovered: 2011-09-29
S: 2011-09-29
I'm moving on: 2012-05-08
My story: http://bit.ly/K3ttPM
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DCSUK Offline OP
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Thanks Ben

I don't want to preach, but if you want them don't give up!

It's hard and slow , very frustrating and tiring, but just try and keep positive

I have been so low at times, I thought about suicide, but how can I do that to my children and family, it would only aid her in thinking I wasn't worth it!!

Be positive, go to the gym, train hard, change how you feel and look, you will love the new you!!

Yes, you will think of them every day, every morning I wake up my first thought is her, but that pushes me to keep going!!!

Another big thing she told me is that she thinks about me everyday, now when you see your wife with om and not talking to you, you naturally think you are the last thing on her mind, but your probably the first!
But this is all about you!!

Be the best you!!

Sow a seed of doubt in her mind, make her question her desicions, make her think about you!!!

But to do this you have to put you first!!!

It's really really hard, I know!!!

But a few kind words after 18 months apart, the love of my children, and my inner happiness has made it all worth while!!

Keep going!!

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Hey, I am glad to hear your W is talking up all the positives about you. It would be REALLY great if she meant it about y'all taking a family vacation together with the kids. That could really let her see your changes are for real. I wonder if she is just keeping her head in the sand about om, since she knows about another w he may also be involved with. Who knows? Hopefully the weekend out of town may be really crappy, and she finally gives him the heave-ho.

vc

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DCSUK Offline OP
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Thanks for the support VC

Who knows what is going on inside her head?
But it does appear she is very torn in whatever it is!

We have really connected, but now she has backed off again, so I'm giving her the space she needs, and has now asked for, and she will do what she thinks is best.

BUT, the change in her attitude is a big positive, there have been no promises made, but she has mention reconciliation as a possibility, and although I don't want to get my hopes up, I have to listen to what she is saying, which is, give me some space, I'm confused!

Its a lot better than, go away, I hate you, don't call me, ot speak to me ever again!!!

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Good, DCS, you have been living your life, moving forward, and she is at least seeing that you can go on and have a good life. As to whether she decides she wants to be a part of that, who knows? She has to get out of her system what she needs to get out, and perhaps she will come out on the other side a better person, too. And, like you said, her even mentioning the possibility of reconciliation is a big step.

And it is lots better than telling you to go away, and being otherwise mean and nasty.

vc

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Quick update!!

No update really!!

Wife has been really quiet and gone back into her shell, I now know and understand that this is expected after such openness and honesty

She has to do what she thinks is right for her, only time will prove if it's correct

As for me?, I'm great, kids are good, so I'm very well on my front

I'm happy and fit, miss her daily still, but I am in total control of me!!!

Thanks guys and keep going

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