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#2226267 - 03/01/12 03:49 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: BklynMom]
kml Online
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 12017
Quote:
I'm really in a PO'd mood tonight. I was thinking about inventing a new version of GTA, where you ride around Century City hunting WAS's.


LOL. YOu could call it "Grand Theft Spouse"

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#2226269 - 03/01/12 03:50 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: BklynMom]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
OK, so Labug & BF's comments cracked me up and gave me a good laugh tonight (greatly needed and appreciated).

Then when I got to the end here and read BM's comment it was a good wake up call to me.

Sorry for the frustration P. Completely get it. Your H is being a big b-head. But you can rise above!

How are you liking your job & co-workers?
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2226274 - 03/01/12 03:58 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: rickb89]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1784
It is so much easier offer up DB advice when its not me doing the hard work
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2226321 - 03/01/12 01:36 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: BklynMom]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I thought about this post and the responses a lot last night. I think it's a wonderful gesture to do things for others, either because you want to help someone out, or to be nice or show love or because they've asked. What's not so wonderful is when the other person expects you to put their needs over yours without reason.

Example 1: Honey, I have x, y, and z to do tonight before I get home and then I really need to work on the taxes but the cable is out. Could you call the cable company and see what's up?

Example 2: Purg's sitch above.

Detaching includes not doing things for others that they can do for themselves. That's what creates the crazy codependent relationships. We are given more responsibility and we take on more responsibility and before you know it we're the controlling b!tch they want to leave.

I see the situation continuing into "O the cable's out, I'd better call before H gets home or he'll be angry" "Gee the furnace is broken I better take care of that or he'll be angry" "the DW is broken, better get it taken care of ..." You get the picture. We teach people how to treat us.

I don't want that in a new relationship, the feeling that I have to take on everything to keep everyone happy. I want a respectful relationship where responsibilities are shared.

It's difficult to think of these things when in the midst of trying to save a R but if I don't know what I want, how will I ever be able to get it.

my .02 but then WTFDIK
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2226325 - 03/01/12 01:48 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
I think it goes back to personal motives. Is the action to be loving and who we want to be or is it to be compliant expecting a response or reaction, i.e. putting expectations on someone else?

Purg - you've got to answer that question for yourself. Each of us do.

I go back to King David a lot. He once said (paraphrasing) God doesn't want our sacrifices, he wants our hearts. Its not so much the action but the motive behind the action that counts.

The action may help or it may not, but ultimately, if it doesn't move your own heart to a better place, does it really accomplish anything?

((((P)))))
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2226329 - 03/01/12 01:57 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: ces67]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
ces, I agree with you on the motives, I always have to think about my motives. I realize that now. For a long time (like forever) my motives were suspect, at best, I wanted something, I was expecting something.

I think in a respectful, loving R there is a lot of give and take, shifting of responsibilities and both partners feel cared for not taken advantage of, not resentful.

At least I hope that's what happens. Maybe we'll all find out some day. smile
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2226332 - 03/01/12 02:00 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Originally Posted By: labug
I think in a respectful, loving R there is a lot of give and take, shifting of responsibilities and both partners feel cared for not taken advantage of, not resentful.

At least I hope that's what happens. Maybe we'll all find out some day. smile


Amen to that!
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2226346 - 03/01/12 02:55 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
I'm really in a PO'd mood tonight. I was thinking about inventing a new version of GTA, where you ride around Century City hunting WAS's.

^^^I would so buy this game. It is a game, right? Just saying, being a Fed I can get away with a lot.

I have not seen the wife in a few weeks. She still works on the other side of the park and I have several close friends that see her all the time. They all tell me she looks like sh!t. The bags under the eyes and pale complexion. I fell sorry for her, but at the same time it was her choice and I am here if she wants a dialogue. Me, on the other hand, I look friggin awesome! For a monkey..
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2226350 - 03/01/12 03:00 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Calling all of you military spouses, read Kolja's post on his thread. You may have already read it elsewhere but just a nice hat's off to you who also serve.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2226411 - 03/01/12 05:35 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: labug]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: labug
I thought about this post and the responses a lot last night. I think it's a wonderful gesture to do things for others, either because you want to help someone out, or to be nice or show love or because they've asked. What's not so wonderful is when the other person expects you to put their needs over yours without reason.

Example 1: Honey, I have x, y, and z to do tonight before I get home and then I really need to work on the taxes but the cable is out. Could you call the cable company and see what's up?

Example 2: Purg's sitch above.

Detaching includes not doing things for others that they can do for themselves. That's what creates the crazy codependent relationships. We are given more responsibility and we take on more responsibility and before you know it we're the controlling b!tch they want to leave.

I see the situation continuing into "O the cable's out, I'd better call before H gets home or he'll be angry" "Gee the furnace is broken I better take care of that or he'll be angry" "the DW is broken, better get it taken care of ..." You get the picture. We teach people how to treat us.

I don't want that in a new relationship, the feeling that I have to take on everything to keep everyone happy. I want a respectful relationship where responsibilities are shared.

It's difficult to think of these things when in the midst of trying to save a R but if I don't know what I want, how will I ever be able to get it.

my .02 but then WTFDIK


Agree,,,good advice ^^^^^^^^^^

Top
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