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Thanks for your kind words.

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Just to give you my thoughts on the the husband being amicable until finances come up. That is a touch spot for me, too - though I am on the receiving end of D and make more money than w. I make it a point to never speak to her about it even when I am handing her checks. You are dead on when you say it is a lifestyle change. I, and presumably your H, think "wow, I have worked so hard to put a nice life together, sacrificed, done without - and now it's all fading". As inherent "providers" that is a bitter pill to swallow'. Truthfully, I am not mad at my wife - more just mad at the circumstances sometimes. I was also p*ssed when my L said "it's only money! you'll make it back!". Yeah - says the guy billing me x-hundred dollars per hour.

Anyhoo.....don't take the finance stuff too personally. I am trying not too, but it is hard.

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Crimson

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Ok, so I am so new at this. I just decided I have been on this d. diet long enuf. I have lost like 18 lbs in 1/12 months, I love breakfast. We have a new diner that H and I have been to a couple of times, So I went by myself with my sunday paper and had breakfast. ok, so I couldn't east much but, it was great, plus an attractive single man was also checking me out didn't hurt. So this was my first major galing event. Now I'm so exhausted, taking a nap, which i love to do! Yay me!

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I'm glad to hear you got out!!!! And to eat by yourself!!! Huge step. I remember the first time I went to see a movie by myself.. I was in my 20's.. In between classes and thought.. I really want to see that movie! So I went.. And it was great. I also wasn't the only person there alone. What initially seemed like a scary experience turned out to be great.

Nothing quite like being able to sit and read without feeling like you're oblgated to talk to someone. Oh how I treasure those quiet moments!

Did you have crazy windstorms today?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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bf, yes horrible winds, did not lose power, but had flashlight ready. Monday is garbage day, my can blows over so I didn't even put out. Did put out recycle glass, cans, etc. Went out later, somebody took my empty bin, and there is so much blown garbage in my yard! This would usually be H. job, of well! Yes it was great to get out and be a big girl. My kids were very happy for me. Had an hour long convo w h. about d. papers i need for my l., finances, my apt. search, jeez, it seems so normal to talk to them, then after were done I just need a nap. So draining! He so needs to get his back surgery. Cranky!

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H. birthday coming up. I decided to get him a couple of back pain books. Pretty neutral, I think because of his age, arthritis stenosis will not get fixed. One was on that. The other about how your injury (for him sports) initially started the whole mess, repressed emotion will keep it going. Don't think I will give him that one, because he does repress his emotions, and it may not be db., going to read it myself first, then decide. He is always been this upstanding, helful mr. nice guy, fixer. Trying to not focus on him, to detach, to focus on my apt. search. Doing it for hours on craigslist, making a spreadsheet for pros and cons, emailing for availibility. Imagining myself in these places w/o him is hell. I look forward to the day when I'm in my new place, everything done and able to just breathe. Then since he still wants to be friends, and everytime we talk or see each other he always says was so nice to see you or talk that maybe I can be a new and improved me...It was a 17 year marriage, maybe in 17 months. Who knows, I'm just trying to fight the good fight day by day.

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Has anyone see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Sometimes I just wish I could do that.

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Do you sometimes wake up in the morning and just can't believe this is happening. "What's wrong with him? Why doesn't he just come home and work this out? Am I that horrible? We have had so many years together? What great thing is out there? He's 63 years old." I hate mornings. Waking up every day to the realization.

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Well saw 2 places today, they were horrible. I sat in my car afterward and just started to get angry. Why am I having to leave a lovely home to live in a depressing place, just because he won't give us another chance? It's so hard to leave it all behind, like I said earlier, I still wake up every morning not believing this is really happening. It really gave me a sad look at my future. So I got home and got right back on computer to find more options. Seeing 2 more tommorrow, hopefully they will be better. How hard does life have to get?

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I feel so bad right now, if I didn't have kids, I don't know what I'd do. No, I know what I would do. I just feel like I can't fake it anymore. I'm so tired and sick of this. I don't understand it. He is so ok with it and cold. wth, just to drop this all with such ease, I don't think h has found someone, So sick of trying to be strong. I don't know how to be positive and do all this. Maybe just having a bad nite, but starting to feel like they are all bad nites.

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