Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Thanks guys I appreciate it. And you're right Ben, this is totally for the kids I have no expectations. I've shot myself in the foot by bringing up things I've done in the past so I'm not going to botch this one up in the same way. Man I wish it would not have taken me 8 months to finally figure this stuff out...

Good luck!!!

[Broken74]

Well it was time i was due for a stumble, and I did a bit but I think it may actually help me out in the long run. Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of her surgery, I sent the following text:

Never told you this. Two years ago today the receptionist at the surgeons office came and consoled me as I had a nervous breakdown when the nurse told me just 210 more stitches and you'd be put back together. She said I must be the greatest husband, and I said we were'nt married yet but I couldn't wait... It was painful to watch you recover but I loved taking care of you. I hope that ordeal brough you happiness if for only one fleeting moment. Aside from my problem induced behavior that's all I ever wanted to do. I hope you and the kids are doing well.

She responded

You did take good care of me. Thank you for that.

Then I flip into pursuit mode with

Have dinner with me tomorrow at 7, not a date.

She responds

Can't. I have a proctored exam Tuesday that I'll be cramming for.

I reply

I know you'll make an A. :-) Good Luck!

But, the bigger breaking news is that I noticed today that she unblocked me from facebook, so she is doing some type of investigating on her own. I won't mindread as to why but that is an interesting development. At least her photo is of her and my SD and not her and another man.

I put together a little study care package and am going to drop it at her door ironically after my domestic violence class (only 12 left!) lol. Nothing major, a nice pen, some index cards, post it notes, aromatherapy candle, some of her favorite candy, a $10 Starbucks gift card, with just a note on the bag that says Good Luck on your test!

I know this is not divorce busting, but I also know this will make her day. Something is going on in her mind based on snooping about my facebook, I know this is not Divorce Busting but I am going to try and strike while the iron is hot.

Thoughts including 2x4's are welcomed, I have until 7:30pm to decide if I'm going to drop off the care package or not.

Thanks in advance and good luck to all in your respective sitch's!

[Broken74]

So the care package was well received, she sent me the following:

Very Thoughtful, Thank You! I needed that stuff! Well, not so much the candy, but the other stuff. No luck on the lottery ticket but I can leave it in the mailbox if u wanna doublecheck it. Lmbo

I responded:

You're welcome. Some of the candy is for the kids you know. I thought that ticket was a winner for sure, I've been on a good luck streak lately!. I got promoted to program manager. Good luck on your test, I know you'll do great, I'm still your biggest fan.

Her response:

Congrats on your promotion, you change roles then?

My response:

Thanks, yeah ironically the guy I replaced in 2007 is going to replace me. Myself and three others have been tasked to reorg the entire department, and I'll be managing the newly created QA arm. None of it has been announced yet but we should be finished by June.

So, not divorce busting by any stretch, but the most amicable conversation we have had in 8 months. I know she loved the care package, and the thought I put into it (nothing was expensive so I'm not trying to "buy" her love) via what I included I think will really make her think. I used to do things like this all of the time, by her own admission my thoughtful/romantic inclinations were one of the things that made her fall in love with me.

So now I go dark, although I am going to send her a card or something for Mother's day, because she really is an amazing Mom given everything she has been through in her life.

The facebook change is the catalyst that shows something is going on in her head, but I won't speculate as to what, there is absolutely no reason why she would have unblocked me otherwise.

It's going to be an interesting 4th quarter, and ironically almost time to start a new thread!

Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!

[Rick1963]

Broken stop assuming and stop Persuing her. Yes not DBIng but no one is a professional at this. I think you really care for her? Even tho at times you try and put up that wall of not caring for her. Are you snooping her FB page? You know what happens , if u do right?

[Broken74]

Hi Rick,

You're right, I have had my days, and I have tried to talk myself out of loving her, but despite all logic, I still do. And despite all my friends and families opinion, I still want to try and work things out.

I am guilty of pursuit in this case, and violating the 37 rules in this case. But in this case I did what I felt would work (given the information she shared in having a test), and for today it did. She appreciated the thoughtfulness of the gesture and it should have made remember the man she fell in love with. I'm going back dark now, I will not be the one to reach out next time. What I did flies in the face of DB'ng principles, but I go with my gut and I feel like today at worked.

Regarding FB, we're not friends so I can't see her page. What I noticed today was when I went through one of my private photos (I have hid all existence of her photos on my page), her profile picture showed up with her name which proves that she has unblocked me. So that proves she made the conscientious decision to take that step, so the shoe is on the other foot this time, she is snooping me for some reason. She had me blocked from the time we separated up to either this weekend or today (I was out GAL all weekend so I wouldn't know ;-) ).

I am trying to remain detached, I had no expectations for what I did today. It was nice that she recognized my thoughtfulness and it made me happy that I made her smile.

I am GAL like a madman and doing my thing. I am dating someone and she is a wonderful woman and we have a great time. I fully have my Mojo back, I am the man that she fell in love with again, minus the herum this time. The difference between now and when I started here in January is that I know I'm going to be fine and happy either way this pans out. Maybe she senses that somehow and is getting curious, that's for her to know and me not to mind read about.

I have a feeling that my sitch is about to take some kind of turn though, only time will tell!

Thanks for your post and keeping me in line Rick! I deviate badly sometimes but I honestly think this one was worth it. Based on some of our recent exchanges I wanted to her know that I still care, and today showed a side of the man she fell in love with is still there, with bells on.

Good luck to all of you in your respective sitch's!

[Rick1963]

Broken you are dating someone but want your wife back? Common? Only you know what is best for you but be careful of rebound R. They usually don't work out well.

[Broken74]

Yeah I agree Rick, although I can't really consider this a relationship we're just seeing each other, she knows my story and that the divorce isn't final. This is something that just happened in the process of GAL over the last few months, didn't plan on it happening. I determined I wasn't going to put my life on total hold for my WAW who wasn't showing two flips about me in any way though, so I guess that allowed it to happen.

So I'm an IT guy by trade, and was quite intrigued by the fact that the W unblocked me on FB for some reason. Me being the Mangum PI as previously proven, decided to unblock the OM and see what would come up. I figured nothing in that surely unless he has a screw loose he would have me blocked. Surprisingly he doesn't, and from this I ascertained that W and the OM are at a minimum still linked on FB. Stupid I know and very well could mean nothing, but that certainly helps me turn the switch back off.

It amazes me how dense I continue to be in this. There is a written process to follow that has worked but I refuse to adhere to said process, thinking I know a better way. I still think that my actions of yesterday were beneficial, although based on how I feel now I honestly should have never contacted her on Sunday. Our communication and everything was nothing but positive, but now I feel like @ss because it's proven she is still linked to OM at some level.

So I should go dark entirely through Mothers day and our anniversary obviously correct? Mothers day is next Sunday our Anniversary is Monday 5/21.

Something is going on her head though, what it is I don't know nor will I worry about anymore. Just another self-induced setback for me... grrrrrrrrrrrrr On a positive note I'm not flipping out nor do I need a time-out, 15 domestic violence classes at work!!! roflmao

Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!

[Broken74]

First off, I know this is mind reading, but beyond a shadow of a doubt there is something going in my W's head. She has been playing this and many other "I messed up/take me back" songs repeatedly on a daily basis. This one a number of times yesterday, it could be considered the "WAS Anthem" IMHO.

Artist: Phone Calls From Home lyrics
Title: Forget You

I'm out of luck, I'm out of state
Call on the phone
Is it too late to talk this over with you?
They tell me that it's okay to be out of line,
To make mistakes
To lie and say, I'll be fine without you

How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
Try to move on without you
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.
How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
I'll try to move on without you.
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.

I lost your trust, I broke your heart
Two kids in love, cursed from the start
Is this false hope?
I can't decide
But I just can't let you go

Honestly imagine what we could be
Could you bare to let me go?
Could you live without me now?
I need to know
Could you bare to let me go?

How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
Try to move on without you
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.
How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
I'll try to move on without you.
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.

I'll take back every word
Let's go back to where we were before
In love
Take me back
We'll find the way, I lost track
I'm ready to change for you
For good.

Take the fall, forget you
Try to move on without you
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.
How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
I'll try to move on without you.
Oh, oh,oh.

How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
Try to move on without you
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.
How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
I'll try to move on without you.
Oh, oh.
I can't let go.

How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?
Try to move on without you
Oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Couple this with the fact that she unblocked me on FB, and the positive exchanges that we had Sunday/Monday, it seems that she is wanting to start reeling back in a bit but is probably scared or ashamed. I KNOW THIS IS MIND READING BUT I CAN"T HELP IT.

I reiterate that I am GAL out the wazoo and am TRYING to be detached. I know I will be fine if we D beyond a SHADOW OF DOUBT. BUT I can't help but feel that my sitch is about to take some type of turn and it is FREAKING ME OUT.

I really could use some veteran feedback on how to handle mothers day and our anniversary (5/21). Should I go dark and let her simmer, or do something thoughtful but inexpensive like I did with the care package for her exam which she liked and shows a Man only a fool would leave. I've also continued the 529k investments for my stepchildren and have not and will not be mentioning these at all.

I am finally at the point where I HAVE FORGIVEN her and am leaving the past in the past and that our marriage as we knew it is over. I can honestly say I am not going to bring up the past again. She is probably gunshy because every time we have talked in the past prior to our last exchanges, things have got heated and I have brought up her transgressions in some way. I am not going to do that anymore, without her saying anything, based on the music she is listening to it seems obvious that she is remorseful for her affair and what she put me through.

The timing is on par with something she had said previously, alluding to this month being 8 months of our "sitch" versus the 8 months I was unfaithful to her while we were dating. Maybe she is getting to the point of feeling we are on "even ground" so to speak.

So 2x4's are welcomed because I know this is all MIND READING but the preponderance of the evidence is there that SOMETHING IS GOING ON IN HER HEAD and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY.

So should I do something thoughtful for mothers day/anniversary or go dark?

AAAAAAAAAAAAarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhh so frustrating but I am handling things so much different now...

Thanks in advance for any feedback and good luck to all in your respective sitch's!

[Broken74]

And she just created a new LinkedIn account with 0 connections and checked me out on there as well, so without question something is going on in her head... Man I have been off the roller coaster for the most part time to strap back in apparently.

[Rick1963]

Broken why ask for guidance if you are not going to listen to it?