Good morning, JB! I think in a former thread you and I touched on the subject of your rock star ability to GAL and the possibility that it makes your wife feel stressed and/or frustrated. I also believe you have mentioned that your wife has some self esteem issues. The thing is, you are your very best JB when you GAL, and being your best is a large part of what DB is about. You choose healthy (in mind, body and spirit) ways to GAL, so there is nothing wrong with that! Perhaps if your wife decides to give your marriage another shot, the two of you can find ways to GAL together (that she feels comfortable with and confident about) as well as continue to GAL on your own at times (does that make sense?).
Thanks ncl! Yes, it makes a lot of sense. You're right and thanks for reminding me. When I think back, I did most of the GAL'ing in terms of getting exercise while my W was sleeping, so that was fairly transparent to her anyway. That's the part that would appeal to her the least. The other things that I've done as far as the mission trips, the VBS at church, getting involved with the Student Ministries, the fun things I've done with my S, etc. - I could see as being very appealing to her. As a matter of fact, I think these activities have really thrown her off. They're also the changes I absolutely want to retain. I feel like I've made a lot of healthy new friendships as a result.
Originally Posted By: ncl
With regard to your son texting your wife...I know how bothersome this can be. When my husband and I were separated, I sometimes felt irritated when he'd text the kids at a time that he knew we were super busy or spending quality time together. And too, sometimes I just resented that he was contacting them during "my" time. However...I had to think about what was best for the kids, and as long as their texting with him didn't interfere with something of importance (dinner, homework time, reading/snuggling time before bed, etc), then I needed to allow them to chat with their dad. If it was during a busy time, I'd just tell them to let him know they would be back in contact when things slowed down, and that was never a problem.
I think sometimes I fall into a trap of it being a parental competition. When I fall into this trap, I'm not in the best place. It's much better to stay out of that trap. I think I got a little closer to the bottom of this last night. My S was saying he felt like he gets to see me a lot more. That's a fact, too. I have him on 3 school nights and every other weekend. So it's really like 57/43 custody instead of 50/50. On top of that I see him every day before and after school and I try to go in for lunch at his school once a week.
I did end up seeing my W yesterday evening when she came to pick up my S. It turned out to be a pleasant exchange. She had a new coat on and I complimented it. She noticed some new shoes I had on and complimented them. We then got on the subject of the out of town plans, too. My W actually told my S that her and I would need to talk about it. She actually went as far to say it would be more suitable for me to go instead of her with my S, because I'm far better suited to take a 6-7 hour road trip than she is. Also, as I mentioned to ncl, I think we got at the core of why my S is texting my W - he is feeling like he gets to see me a lot more than her. Quite frankly, this is the truth. I really should be glad he wants to see her and grateful she wants to spend time with him.
My GAL'in last night was my Healing Relationships group at my church. Another great meeting. Again, I was the only guy showing up for this.
This morning it was a balmy 50 degrees again. Got in a 8.6 mile bike ride.
Lately it feels sort of like my W is DB'ing me . Just when I really start feeling ambivalent, she starts doing and saying some things that make her more attractive to me. Dangit! For now, though, I think I just have to stay the course. Like I've seen in several places around here, she'll make it very clear if she wants to come back. And for now, she hasn't said the first thing about it.
No real drama since the last post, and that's OK with me.
I'm just riding a low level of anxiety today. It seems like it corresponds to the reducded level of ambivalence about my situation.
I skipped the exercise this morning in favor of possibly getting in a longer bike ride tonight after my GAL'ing activity of Men's group at my church tonight. It's still been pretty warm, especially mild for February. The temperatures are in the 50s.
There is a decent chance I will see my W this evening when she comes to pick up my S. I'll just have to put on my DB'ing upbeat and positive hat tonight. I'll have to say it's a little harder for me this time of year to do that. Just a winter time thing for me.
Hello jb, I thought I'd pop in to say hello and to let you know that I'm still rooting for you and your family and I think of you often. (I didn't post for awhile because I was being stalked. Yes, feel free to use our favorite smiley at least 5 times. )
Anyway, I have followed along from time to time and I'm glad you are doing well and still GAL'ing up a storm and of course, still meeting with your church ladies. You are such a positive role model for your son and you should be proud.
Your W is still on her journey and I admit, I don't get her at all.
I did end up seeing my W in passing last night. She has been upbeat and positive the last few times I've seen her. I'll have to say it's true - being upbeat and positive does work. She is making herself more attractive to me. I guess it works both ways. I was at a point where I started pulling away a bit and her recent attitude is pulling me back in.
Double-header GAL'ing last night. I had my Thursday night Men's group. Another great group meeting. I'm really enjoying this group of guys. When I got home, I took care of some things and hopped on the bike for 26 miles. Yes, that's right. It was dark and it was late. I didn't get started until 11:30pm because of some other things I had to take care of when I got home. However, it was relatively warm for February. It was about 40 degrees when I started.
During Men's group last night, my W texted me about something my S had to do for Cub Scouts. However, she accidently substituted my name instead of his. We had fun with that, jokingly sending a couple of texts back and forth. It was kind of nice, being able to joke around a bit instead of being all serious.
I encountered my W in passing this morning when she dropped my S off for the bus. She was upbeat and positive again.
It seems like I've been getting some small, miniscule positives lately. Not sure what to make of them. Frankly, I'm trying not to make anything of them. If I think about things from the gut level and compare it to last year at this time, it seems like things are 180 degrees opposite. Last year at this time, things on the surface looked pretty good, but my gut was telling me something was wrong. This year, things on the surface look pretty bad - we are separated and my W and I have started some D paperwork but I'm getting better vibes from my W. Oh well, it could be anything. As y'all know, things can one direction or the other in a heartbeat. My game plan is to stay the course and keep trying to be the best JB I can be. Like I've seen here before, when the WAS wants to come back, they're going to make it just about as clear as when they dropped the D bomb. I haven't seen anything even close to that. I still have to want my W to come back, too. I like all my changes and I don't want to give them up.
Enough rambling for now. I should probably get more rest at night.
It seems like I've been getting some small, miniscule positives lately. Not sure what to make of them. Frankly, I'm trying not to make anything of them. If I think about things from the gut level and compare it to last year at this time, it seems like things are 180 degrees opposite. Last year at this time, things on the surface looked pretty good, but my gut was telling me something was wrong. This year, things on the surface look pretty bad - we are separated and my W and I have started some D paperwork but I'm getting better vibes from my W. Oh well, it could be anything. As y'all know, things can one direction or the other in a heartbeat. My game plan is to stay the course and keep trying to be the best JB I can be. Like I've seen here before, when the WAS wants to come back, they're going to make it just about as clear as when they dropped the D bomb. I haven't seen anything even close to that. I still have to want my W to come back, too. I like all my changes and I don't want to give them up.
JB,
This is fantastic! Just keep the road home paved and smooth and stick with your game plan. But hey...be careful out there GAL on that bike late at night! Just in case your road home still has a few bumps here and there, I'd hate for your bike to hit one of them! PS...isn't it good to hear from E? I've missed her! Enjoy your weekend, and GAL like the rock star you are! XO... ncl (or whoever I am now?!?)
PS...isn't it good to hear from E? I've missed her!
Yes, it is wonderful to hear from E!! I'm thrilled to see both of you are "officially" piecing. Everybody's road's a little different here, and my is no exception. I probably would've considered myself piecing 2-3 years ago, but here I am today.
I had my S all weekend. Didn't talk to, text, or hear from my W all weekend.
Friday night I took my son to a minor league hockey game. We had great seats about 4 rows from the ice and had a great time!
I hung out with my S early Saturday afternoon - we just played Wii for bit. Then, I worked some fun things like laundry, I also had to do some cooking. Since I had a church community group meeting and we were having a theme of breakfast for dinner, I had volunteered to expose my Southern roots and make some cheese grits. Y'know - I had to introduce some of these Ohioans to some new food. I even deviated from my normal recipe and got a receipe from a good friend. Had a great community group meeting with some old and new friends. My S had a buddy over to spend the night, too.
Sunday was church day in the morning. Had another great service. I returned to church to the Super Bowl and had a great time! There were several guys from my Men's group there and I had encouraged some of the ladies from my Tuesday night group to come as well.
I was able to get in a 3 mi. run on Sunday morning. However, this morning it was only 25 degrees out and my body needed at least this morning off from running, so I settled for a 2 mi. walk.
Good to know you are doing well JB. I remember when I joined and reading how long ppl stick it . Out 8 months for me, I know it is not too long but if feels for ever. Keep up the good work
Ps southern BBQ receipts?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
. Just when I really start feeling ambivalent, she starts doing and saying some things that make her more attractive to me. Dangit! For now, though, I think I just have to stay the course. Like I've seen in several places around here, she'll make it very clear if she wants to come back. 
And for now, she hasn't said the first thing about it.
