Ultramarathon continues..will I get a second wind?

[jbnati]

JB-
We've known one another from day 1 since our sitch's time line are so close together.
You really have grown and evolved from all of this.

I consider us the lucky ones in this.
A lot of people know that there are things in life that need changing but don't bother to put in the work.
You & I- we've been putting in the work, and our hard work is paying off.

I am proud of you.

DG, thanks for that!! It certainly doesn't hurt to be reminded of that. I have my days where I forget how far I've come and frankly, what I don't want to go back to.

I agree - we ARE the lucky ones in this and we HAVE been working tirelessly on this. It is really a marathon, not a sprint, isn't it?

And..I am proud of YOU as well. Wow! I can't believe how far you've come!

[jbnati]

I hear you about the ambivalence JB. I think it is pretty normal. You should be proud that youhave hung in there for this long. Keep up the hard work it will pay off in the end.

I tell you something, Rick. Sometimes the ambivalence feels pretty good. When it gets shaken, anxiety tends to crop up again.

[jbnati]

Saturday night with my GAL plans being cancelled I ended up taking myself out to eat and renting a Redbox movie.

I had another good morning at church on Sunday. I ended up going out to lunch afterword with a couple from church. After I got home, I had determined enough of the ice had melted it was OK to go for a bike ride. My W still had my S, and I hadn't heard anything about when she was going to bring him home. I took my time getting out there to ride. I was watching a little football anyway. It was a little wet with the temperature around 40 degrees. Ultimately I got 26 miles in.

Partway through my ride I decided to check my phone. Nothing from my W, but my S had called and sent a text. He had said he would be home in 1 hour, but it was about 20 minutes before his ETA. I figured I would probably be done with my ride around then. Frankly, I was a little ticked that I was hearing from him instead of W. I ended up downshifting hard on bike and lodging my chain tightly between the rear sprocket and hub to the point where the back tire wouldn't even roll. I ended up carrying my bike home about 1/2 mile. I guess it just added to my workout.

I get home with my W and S there waiting on me. My W actually said she was worried about me. She even went as far to say that she would've picked me up if I had called. I didn't get the chance to broach the topic of being ticked that my S contacted me instead of her. Eventually we will need to have that conversation.

I thought it through today, and I think what happened was my S just contacted me on his own. He was probably not prompted by my W. However, not contacting me is not out of character for my W. There were many times she wouldn't call when she was coming home or running late. I had learned to tolerate it even though I didn't like it. I don't think I would worry too much anymore about coming across too controlling or anything.

I did manage to get another ride in this morning. 8.6 mi. on wet streets, but with temperatures in the low 50s. It's very rare to get a ride in during January.

[Rick1963]

Divine intervention? You can now have that conversation while not being ticked off. All good.

Ps I have not been on my bike in weeks. Way too cold for me.

[jbnati]

Divine intervention? You can now have that conversation while not being ticked off. All good.

Rick, I think you're on to something there. I prayed about it before I responded in any way. About 20 minutes later I was walking along the street with a bike on my shoulder.

[westcoastfella]

That's it, jb. All of your posts about 20+ mile bike rides have inspired me. As soon as I get some money back from my taxes, I'm going to look into buying a bike! I could technically do the bike work at the gym, but I like the feeling of actually going somewhere and seeing new things, too.

[LITB]

Thanks, LITB! Regarding the burrito - absolutely! I'll be picking it up at about 8:20am PST if that works for you. Or maybe it would be better for me to call it in - just tell them you're LITB and you're there to pick up a burrito from jbnati.

I went to Chipotle to pick up my burrito yesterday and they claimed that they didn't know who the hell JB or LITB were.

Seriously, I can't afford to take in that many calories. I'm only a man, not a machine like you JB.

[jbnati]

That's it, jb. All of your posts about 20+ mile bike rides have inspired me. As soon as I get some money back from my taxes, I'm going to look into buying a bike! I could technically do the bike work at the gym, but I like the feeling of actually going somewhere and seeing new things, too.

Good for you, WCF! Just get one that'll last. Mine's a 1992 with over 11,000 miles on it. It's not the same at all doing it at the gym as it is outside. You don't get the wind resistance, the hills, and you especially don't get the scenery. It's safer doing it at the gym, though.

[jbnati]

I went to Chipotle to pick up my burrito yesterday and they claimed that they didn't know who the hell JB or LITB were.

Seriously, I can't afford to take in that many calories. I'm only a man, not a machine like you JB.

LITB, thanks for the laugh.

Please note I haven't gone this week yet so that's why they were probably unaware of who LITB or jbnati were.

I usually go for the carnitas tacos with the hot salsa. I'll get chips and hot salsa to share with the fifth graders who are daring enough to eat the hot salsa.

[jbnati]

I had my S last night. It was a fairly routine evening. We went out and got haircuts, had dinner, and just hung out played Wii before bedtime.

This morning, the temperature was 33 degrees, so I got on the bike and rode 8.6 miles. The temperature must've dropped because there were parts of the park I ride through that were starting to ice up. Good thing I was watching for it.

I have been feeling a low level anxiety that comes and goes today. Since I haven't been as ambivalent about my situation lately, I'll occasionally think of what it would look like if my W wanted to come back. I have mixed feelings about it. It would be absolutely fantastic if she would want to come back and put in the hard work on our M. However, if she wanted to come back and expect it just to "work out" on its own, it is not something I'd want. I still don't want a D, but I definitely don't want to return back to what it was before. It's also a BIG assumption - she hasn't given anything close to an indicator that she wants to come back. After all, she just moved to a new apartment. It's just thoughts that cross my mind from time to time.