A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
The OnLine Community updates are now complete and we are up and running as usual. Thanks for your patience.
Rick - recado is big one on the chicken there. You make the rice with coconut oil. If you do a search on the Internet, you won't find anything that resembles the cuisine I had in Belize. Then again, I was in areas where not many people go.
I am back from Belize. I have spent the past few days recovering from my trip. I have been unpacking, both literally and emotionally. I am trying to get my head above water at work, too. I knew a mission trip is an excellent way to GAL, at least for me. Going out of the country for a mission trip takes it to a whole new level. I'll post more later as I get some more time and continue my recovery.
It's been awhile since I posted, so I try to put together a quick update. Again, Belize was awesome! I'd recommend it to anyone. I can't wait to do it again. I met a lot of good people in Belize and became a lot closer with some of those on my mission team. I like where my life's going right now for the most part. I just don't like where my M appears to be heading, but I'm choosing not to focus on that.
I returned from Belize on Thursday night almost 2 weeks ago. The morning after my W dropped my S off for school. She informed me that the wife of a longtime pastor friend of hers had passed away. She told me the viewing was Friday evening. During the day I asked her about the details and I ended up going. My W grew up in a church where she knows people statewide. I know this pastor and there is a mutual respect between the two of us. I ended up going. I was walking into a situation where these were mostly her friends and family, although some of them are my friends, too. It was the first time I had seen her family and even longer since I've seen a lot these people. There were a lot of people noticing changes in me. In particular our niece said I just seemed like I was so happy. My SIL noticed my weight loss. One of my W's friends was aware of our situation, and asked me how things are going. Had a nice conversation with him. Pretty much just told him what I'm doing without mentioning DB. e.g. working on becoming my best possible self, looking to God for direction, choosing to be happy, etc.
Still continuing to GAL and staying very busy. Last week I had my Relationships (a.k.a. Ladies') group last Tuesday and Men's group on Thursday. Since I've been back I've hiked 4.5mi., ran 9 mi., biked 34 mi., and walked 2 mi. - with more to come.
Last weekend I didn't have my S. He was with my W. I had a movie night with my Men's group on Friday night and a church community group on Saturday night.
Before I had left for Belize, I had organized a Laser Tag birthday party for my S. We had that on Sunday afternoon. There were definitely some interesting dynamics going on there - some that I felt good about and others I didn't feel as good about. First of all, it was a 180 for me to put together a birthday party in the first place. It's traditionally been my W who does those kind of things. If you consider the adults that attending the party, it was me and my W and her family. I guess you could say I was outnumbered. I had put together a picture album from Belize to share with everyone. Not trying to overshadow my S's birthday. Another 180 - I brought the camera and was the official shutterbug for the party. Toward the last portion of the party, her family was joking around among themselves - I felt a little cut out, but not too bad.
So I continue to GAL and DB and wait. I am waiting for God's will in this and for His purpose in allowing me to go through this. I have periods where I'm feeling better than I did even before the bomb , periods where I'm feeling a little "blah" and low , and period where I'm dealing with a low level anxiety.
Do I want my family back? You betcha! Do I want my W back? That's tougher to answer - not without changes. From my perspective, she would have to show a re-commitment to Christ and to our M. I definitely don't want the old M back. Do I have a good reason to even visit these questions? Not really. The truth is my W is not really showing any tangible signs of wanting to come back and re-build the M. She also is not on the fast track to D anymore- but I try not to read too much into that one.
I return to the board after a hiatus and drama erupts this evening. My W came to pick up my S tonight. I ended up calling her as I was getting ready to leave to make sure she was still coming.
As I am about to walk out the door, I hear the garage door open, figuring my W is here to pick up my S. I walk out to the car to leave - garage door is open, but no W. I go ahead and leave at this point, but I call my W to see if she knew anything about the open garage door. I pass her going the other way right when she answers her phone. I see a passenger in the front seat with her. I asked her why she had opened the garage door but left - she was very vague in her answer. I kept driving to my destination but I was very suspicious. I wasn't even a mile away before I made my U-turn. I went back home. I was ready to confront my W. I was ticked.
I get home and my W's still out in the driveway. She knew I was ticked. I asked her about her passenger in the car. She said he was a friend. Do I believe her? Hard to say. If I do, I am very skeptical. I still felt the need to lay down a boundary. I told her I was not OK with her bringing other men on my property. She tried to defend it by saying that we're not together anymore, so she's free to date as she pleases. I told her I absolutely didn't agree with her, but I can't control what she does. I also told her I didn't like what she's showing my son.
So I don't know exactly where I'm at tonight. I feel a big wave of ambivalence washing over me. I also feel like I should stay the course for now and not waver.
For some reason, I'm not feeling as much angst as I think I should be feeling right now. Maybe that will come in time. LOL
My wedding and honeymoon was in Belize. It would be hard to go back there, but I need to at some point. Sounds like you had a great time. I'm applying to go to Honduras this summer, which is not very far from there.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I'm still feeling a little raw today. My W dropped off my S at the dentist office today for his appointment. I was there to take him to his appointment. TBH, I can't even stand the sight of her today. The only thing she said to me was that she didn't feed my S breakfast because the milk was bad.
I did ask my S a few questions about OM this morning. I wanted to make sure he was OK. And TBH, I wanted a little more information. I think I just confirmed the apparent and obvious. The OM is more than just a friend. My S doesn't care for him at all. I didn't pry, I just told my S I had his back.
At the moment, I don't have a lot of respect for my W.
I don't know JB, you have a lot more patience than I. She throws the "we aren't together anymore" line to you..? These WAS's want their cake and eat it too. If she wants to "not be together anymore" then why isn't sure wrapping up the divorce?
This board is for finding solutions and repairing marriages, so I can't say too much about how I really feel now. Suffice it to say that I agonized over lot of common situations you are experiencing. Now that I've moved beyond the repairing stage and trying to wrap up our divorce, life is A LOT better.
We can only take so much of the craziness and disrespect the WAS show us. It's up to you to know how much you can take. I woke up one day and decided enough was enough. And it was amazing how quickly my life changed for the better. People around me have been telling me lately how much I've changed for the better.... some have even said I look healthy and have a glow again.
I found a female friend that I hope to start dating someday. For now we are playing it cool and just hanging out. I've met so many new people and have done tons of things I've never done before, and it's exhilarating.
Hang in there man, there are better days ahead no matter how your sitch plays out.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012