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Yasu Offline OP
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Tonight is so rough. Cricicize all you wish. Find every consisentency in those small boxes that I can barely follow. I am surely capable of sparing with you any day of the week, but I am terribly wounded right now. My mind is not at best functuncting, as sure you sense. Can you advise with this in mind rather than sparring?


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 28
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Hi Yasu,

I have read your sitch and I hope everything turns out for the best for you. My first language is Greek and I can verify that Yasu means hello/good bye.

"mythos kalos" means "good legend". Mythos is used to describe a legend rather than a real story... Hope this helps...

I really admire your patience, knowing that your H has an OW and still fighting for 4 years! You give me courage... I am only 8 months since Dday and it seems that I am ready to give up. I hope to find the strength that you have to continue. Have a nice day! smile


Me: BW 30
Him: WH 31
T 12 years, M 3.5
No kids
OW 27 single ex co-worker

Bomb: 13/07/2011
S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011
H came Home 16/09/2011
Dday: 01/10/2011
H left again 23/11/2011

Separated since...
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Originally Posted By: Yasu
Tonight is so rough. Cricicize all you wish. Find every consisentency in those small boxes that I can barely follow. I am surely capable of sparing with you any day of the week, but I am terribly wounded right now. My mind is not at best functuncting, as sure you sense. Can you advise with this in mind rather than sparring?


Honestly I don't know how to respond to you. In my opinion, I said nothing critical to you. There was zero "sparring". I don't know what you are talking about or referring to.

I gave you reassurances that in my opinion (and I am a lawyer) you have little to fear at a trial, compared to your husband. The reasons were discussed in my post to you.

Not sure how to proceed.

As for your question about you either being manic versus being silent and which I would suggest you choose--

if you mean in life in general, I'd say find a balance. Presumably the meds are for that.

If you mean at trial,
let your lawyer do ALL the talking unless/until they ask you a question.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 144
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Yasu Offline OP
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The new medications, (that would put a hours down), have had a great effect. I am so happy I tried the Adderall. I was really afraid of it, as I had it years ago for axils ADHD, and it made me a jittery mess.

But, Dr. Psychiatrist urged me to at least try one pill, and I did, with my assistant here. It was like a miricle. No jitters or nerviousness at all. I've kept my mind on our task at hand, and we got it done before the deadline - normally, I have been known to procrastinate and catastophie one of those financial document productions for weeks, maybe months.

This time, one and a half days, period. I had help, but I knew what to have my helper do. With the extra 150 welbutrin, I'm not as depressed, but that could just be cause I was totally busy ALL day. I am so glad I listened to the doctor. That Adderall is exactly what I needed to balance out all this other stuff. As well, the dosage was surely reduced, as I weigh 50 pounds less than when I had a problem with this Adderal, and sort of turned against it.

And all other ADHD medications are putting me to sleep all day. Well, I hope this feeling continues. Tomorrow, I'm taking a trip to the rental house to camp for awhile, re-vamp all the electrical sockets and wall switches with new guts, and meet my new renters.

Thank for your advice 25, and please excuse any rudeness or abruptness in my previous post. I come here with extreme baggage. People that come to the site are all shapes, colors, sizes, and conditions. One-size-does-not-fit-all.

That is why I'm often perplexed that rather than listening and guiding - gently, (folks that could be emotionally on edge), that often I see some abrupt statements such as: "what are you coming to this forum to achieve?". "why would you want to be with that person if he did those things (anything from abandonment to cheating).?

You have said you are a lawyer several times. What kind of law do you practice? I would like to know that. I may have an illness, but I do have extensive credentials and accomplishments myself; but that does not mean I absorb the MWD material any faster than anyone else. There are an unlimited number of variables that effect how one can absorb and apply DB. This is only complicated by the fact that DB is flexible. Further, the gentle advisor might bear in mind that words and phrases such as love, unconditional love, detachment, withdrawal, giving-up, hope, denial, etc, have a multitude of definitions ingrained within us more deeply than MWD.

We must have words to define our theories. Theories that are for practice in the real world must be recognizable. For the purposes of this theory in practice, we use these terms and define them as such. Fine.

I feel we should not be so expectant for newbies, like Broken and myself, to be required to articulate in DeeBee-ese, exactly what we are at the site for. The way you state it, 25, it's like you're gonna drop us if we don't have the right answer.

I wrote about my initial perceptions of this site early on one of Broken's early threads. I was not totally alone in my perception. But I did get the lyrics wrong on the Beatles song.

No offense 25. Just another Gal's perception. Yas


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Apr 2006
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Originally Posted By: Yasu
The new medications, (that would put a hours down), have had a great effect. I am so happy I tried the Adderall. I was really afraid of it, as I had it years ago for axils ADHD, and it made me a jittery mess.
-----
---

Thank for your advice 25, and please excuse any rudeness or abruptness in my previous post. I come here with extreme baggage. People that come to the site are all shapes, colors, sizes, and conditions. One-size-does-not-fit-all.

That is why I'm often perplexed that rather than listening and guiding - gently, (folks that could be emotionally on edge), that often I see some abrupt statements such as: "what are you coming to this forum to achieve?". "why would you want to be with that person if he did those things (anything from abandonment to cheating).?


I asked you how we can help you. That is not what I see as abrupt, so much as direct. And it keeps you on task w/figuring out what YOUR GOAL is here.


I came here 6 years ago, sometimes just to whine/bitch about my h. Someone very direct asked me if that was helping my marriage much...and I realized it was just keeping me stuck in my anger. I personally needed the direct approach.

THEY asked me what I asked you which is, "how can we help you?" Kept me focussed on finding solutions, not rehasing the past or repeating my list of grievances against my h.

If I wanted to merely vent here, I could. It is allowed.

But if someone wants to DB then that means CHANGE and that's a different story.


You have said you are a lawyer several times.


"several times"? Hmmm. I say it only b/c you have such extreme legal fears that I wanted to allay.

What kind of law do you practice? I would like to know that.

why? This isn't about me or my professional credentials. There is no competition here.

I may have an illness, but I do have extensive credentials and accomplishments myself; but that does not mean I absorb the MWD material any faster than anyone else.

all the more reason for us to stay solution based, wouldn't you agree? And I did notice your academic credentials which you have mentioned. No problem. I get it. This is new to you, sometimes seems counter-intuitive, but you are a quick study.


There are an unlimited number of variables that effect how one can absorb and apply DB. This is only complicated by the fact that DB is flexible. Further, the gentle advisor might bear in mind that words and phrases such as love, unconditional love, detachment, withdrawal, giving-up, hope, denial, etc, have a multitude of definitions ingrained within us more deeply than MWD.


I personally posted a short piece for you on detachment, which you said you liked. That's it.

I don't use the term "unconditional love" here at all b/c it is SO misunderstood/misused, and I don't think I used the word "denial" either. Perhaps someone else did.


We must have words to define our theories. Theories that are for practice in the real world must be recognizable. For the purposes of this theory in practice, we use these terms and define them as such. Fine.

I feel we should not be so expectant for newbies, like Broken and myself, to be required to articulate in DeeBee-ese, exactly what we are at the site for. The way you state it, 25, it's like you're gonna drop us if we don't have the right answer.


Sounds as if you feel defensive about my directness (and or someone else's since you attribute some comments to me that I did not make).

But If so, then another veteran may be able to help you more. That is not a threat to "drop" you so much as me wanting to go where I am most useful.

And btw, I focussed on your legal fears b/c you brought them up in your subject's title.

I wrote about my initial perceptions of this site early on one of Broken's early threads. I was not totally alone in my perception. But I did get the lyrics wrong on the Beatles song.

No offense 25. Just another Gal's perception. Y as


I have posted to Broken on his thread. He speaks well for himself.

(For what it's worth, I have no recall of the Beatles song you quoted or who commented on the lyrics. I don't know what you are talking about).


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
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to repeat for emphasis,


the title of your thread has the word "TRIAL" in it... it got my attention and

a 3rd party asked me to look into your thread

b/c of your LEGAL concerns. Hope that helps you understand why I'd even mention it.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 144
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Yasu Offline OP
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Dear 25,
Repeat, repeat, repeat with your emphasis. What area of law do you practice in? Why don't you answer that question? It has nothing to do with ego, or one upsmanship, at least on my part. For God's sake, no matter my credentials, I have surely been psychologically disabled for at least a decade, and to think deeply about any matter is quite strenuous. I'm not interested at all in competing with you, merely, I'm just fasinated by your apparent competence in advising me on a jury's potential response to my situation as posed. I am just curious what background gives you such knowledge, especially, when you have no idea where or which county I reside. Answer a straight question for once. I more than answer yours.


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 285
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Yasu, I really think 25 is honestly trying to help you. You seem to be very defensive. This place here is about supporting and helping. 25 has a restored marriage. She has a lot of wisdom and good advise. Maybe I shouldn't get in the middle of this, but we all need the help we get on this board, it is really helping me stay same. Take care.

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Yasu Offline OP
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Yes, I completely agree with you hopeless. I really wish I had not reacted the way I did. I am offering my apologies to you 25.

In the future I will be very clear on the help I need. Thank you. Yasu


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 144
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Yasu Offline OP
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I've got an idea. A last resort. But I'm not sure there is anything to last resort with. Oh, dear. I actually read about the wedding ring option a fee times here and there.

I could send it to him as a "I throw in the towel" gesture. Which, ultimately, I have no choice but to do. My nose is at the grindstone preparing for trial on May 21.

I've just rounded up all the paperwork to support about $3500 he owes me in expenses he should have paid as ordered by th Court. He will not like recieving that notice. It was so complicated, and really, I didn't want trouble. But I desperately need to pay down my credit cards, to make room to live on my own as a single person. And he is not going to get by with this, not that I am in trial prep mode.

I have the new medication that is giving me energy, but causing me to act more picululiar than usual. I have the $12 assistant that has helped tremendously - especially, since I'm more focused for a few hours at a time. We are caught up on tasks for attorney - and beginning the update of the DRFA which is a detailed financial statement for the court.

I have another similar helper assisting on the rental. So I've done a good job deigating. But the side effect of the medication (which is essentially anfedimines) is that I have no appetite. And I'm not losing weight either. Drag.

So last night I boiled eggs, cut up tomatoes, made carrot soup. Stuff is prepared, and I had my three meals today and feel a lot better.

To those I have insulted, I do apologize from my heart. I am not myself. And will not try to propose excuses other than that.

So, my idea to return the simple little band I wore on my finger for 26 years, hmmm. I also have a 24 carrot large gold coin pendant Greek mother gave me. As well as a little ring from Greek father. I feel like returning those, as he has never told them any of my side of our issues, I am sure of that.

Another item I have is 24 carrot gold ring with a large, unusual ruby, that husband tossed at me when he retuned from another of his trips to Greece, that he had taken without me. This particular one was during our 20th anniversary. He had bought such a crappy ring before he left, and it had so many defects, that, I was really disgusted - and saw it as a buy-off anyway. (That is one of my issues - perfectionism.) And I know when a product is a cheap second - and that ring certainly was. He returned it and got a gold chain for himself.

I know I was wrong to reject the gift. But the defects in the gift slapped me in the face like the defect in the marriage celebration of 20 years, that he would leave me behind yet again for a five week vacation while I patiently waited at home.

That is why he threw the gold and ruby ring at me when he got back. He resented getting it for me. It probably cost more, and it was centaunly lovely.

So, these items are just bad reminders anyway. However they could be used as bargaining chips, but I hate thing like that. But know I must, as a trial is advasarial by nature.

The question is, would this last resort make any difference anyway? Whether just the wedding ring, or all the pieces, as a symbol of totally dismissing myself from him. It must be done without expectation, and I fully understand that. I am interested in any thought about the reurn of these items prior to the trial. Please advise only on this issue, if you will.

I cannot focus on any other matters but the trial preperation and getting tenants in the rental. Thank you in advance. Yas


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
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