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Originally Posted By: Mach1
Originally Posted By: jlove

Our relationship. Perhaps dealing with the issues she has with us. MC, etc.


When does SHE get to work on her own issues ?

When do you ???



Whenever she wants to, but she doesn't believe in therapy or have any desire to go or deal with her issues according to her. She says she understands she needs to make herself happy, but cannot see being happy in M with me.

I am working on my issues, and still have a ways to go. Long way honestly. So, I trying just to get healthy myself and go from there, wherever there ends up being. I am tempted by the devil like anyone else and have to avoid my own temptations.


M 43, W 40
T 22. M 14
D 14, S 9, S 8
DD 11/21/11
Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!

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Since ya'll are in the same place.....

Let me paint this for you.

If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

Right ???

How many would make it ???

And if I told you that there was only a small chance, that if you made the walk , that you would reap the benefits of a better marriage...

How many then ???

How many have what is inside, to actually SEE if they could make it, on miniscule chances ???

If there was a one in ten chance, would you take it ?

If there was a one in a thousand chance, would you take it ?

Would you burn everything you had, to be the one in that equation ?

For most people, they would focus on the destination, and feel failure at almost every step. Feeling that failure would lead them to drop out of the journey.

If you look down the road, you will fail yourself.....

However, if you were to look at your feet, and think about one step at a time, instead of the destination, how many could go much farther than what you think you can ???

This journey the LBS is on, is much similar. We have an unknown destination, that MAY lead us back to our spouse, it may not. The road isn't always clear, and the markers are non-existent.

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???

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Grmpy and jlove, I am right there with you guys, it is so tough... And I read on these board how others have went on for 10 times as long as I've been in my sitch and can't comprehend it.

And then Mach1 swoops in and puts a perfect spin on the situation... Thank you for that sir I needed it today. I have a number of your posts printed out for when times get tough and I appreciate the thoughts that you and everybody else share out here.


me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!
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Originally Posted By: Mach1
Since ya'll are in the same place.....

Let me paint this for you.

If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

Right ???

How many would make it ???

And if I told you that there was only a small chance, that if you made the walk , that you would reap the benefits of a better marriage...

How many then ???

How many have what is inside, to actually SEE if they could make it, on miniscule chances ???

If there was a one in ten chance, would you take it ?

If there was a one in a thousand chance, would you take it ?

Would you burn everything you had, to be the one in that equation ?

For most people, they would focus on the destination, and feel failure at almost every step. Feeling that failure would lead them to drop out of the journey.

If you look down the road, you will fail yourself.....

However, if you were to look at your feet, and think about one step at a time, instead of the destination, how many could go much farther than what you think you can ???

This journey the LBS is on, is much similar. We have an unknown destination, that MAY lead us back to our spouse, it may not. The road isn't always clear, and the markers are non-existent.

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???


good perspective and thank you for this on this tough day! I work out and do my AA one step/day at a time and my W says she is taking our R one day at a time, so I will put left foot forward and head to LA.
I would make the trek if there was a shot, so I guess I need to keep this in mind....J


M 43, W 40
T 22. M 14
D 14, S 9, S 8
DD 11/21/11
Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!

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Originally Posted By: Mach1
If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???


WHOA! I needed that today! Thanks Mach!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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Ya know when I see the "oldtimers" here extoll the virtues and necessity of patience, I am like pfftt...whatever - can't beleive you schmucks have hung on for so long. Why don't you just get back out there? Afterall, its just a girl/guy and he/she can be replaced.

Well I'm here to say go ahead and give that shot and see where it gets you. It's just not that simple. As painful as it sometimes is, patience and introspection are absolute requisites. Beyond any doubt, mastering the former is the hardest journey I have ever embarked upon.

Waking-up each morning and getting past that first several seconds of "sh!t she is gone" is still extremely painful. I can make it through my days without giving the sitch much thought. It's just when things slow down, especially at night that I begin to let my convictions wane. Oh well, enough b"tching for today.

BTW- thanks guys for your input. Except for you Mach....kidding!;)


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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We have to work thru this sh!t sometime in our lives or we'll be right back in the same boat, wondering what the he!! happened.

Right now is as good a time as any, I s'pose.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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Hmm. That post got me to thinking about epic journies. For the geeks out there - So in Lord of the Rings Froto has to take the ring over to Mt. Doom. What does he do? Well, he gets a whole bunch of his friends killed, not to mention whoreds of those poor orks, and causes mischeif and strife all along the way. To make things worse he cries and moans all along the way about how tired he is. His buddy Sam and the others are doing all the work.
Why did he not just hop an the back of one of those giant eagles, fly over to Mt. Doom and drop the ring in the fire?
So simple...can't stand that guy.

Looking for a parellel here?


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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^^^^

Monkey just had a Geek-gasm...

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Guess I need a nap now.


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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