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Its hard stuff my friend. I applaud your journey and dedication to the marriage.


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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Power to u Rick for continuing DB. You have learned to parent yourself thru all this and that's a major step!


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
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rickb89 Offline OP
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I imagine you all have those moments when you wonder if your life, and this sitch is real. Like I wonder if I'm actually in a coma somewhere and there's this bizarre movie of my life playing in my coma ravaged brain. Or am I actually lying in some alien craft's experimental lab and they are inducing some sort of bizarre life story into my mind in order to see how humans respond to extreme stresses. One can only hope!

Really though, it gets strange at times. So last night I go to yoga class with the knowledge that all is under control at home. Mom is home, S13 is okay.

But, as most of my friends here will see in about ten years, when you have teenagers anything is possible. 2TP, Crimson, Barely, NHmom, Purg, Brkyln, and others with younger kids....wait and see!

The kids are off school this week so they are making the most of their time off. My S13 tells me yesterday that he's having a few friends over for a bonfire in the backyard. Okay, seems reasonable.....Mom's home too...everything under control.

So, I leave the yoga class and its about 10 PM and all is well....feeling the post yoga bliss and I get a call. It's Kelli from London. I'm immediately a little worried because its 3 AM her time and with her awful DB sitch going on I'm worried. I say what's up. She says I tried to reach you but knew you were probably in yoga class and unreachable so I set my alarm to wake up and call you. Hesitantly I say okay and wait. She says have you seen your S13's facebook page tonight? Now I'm really wondering what's up. She says I just wanted to give you a head's up about this monster party going on at your house and the FB pictures look pretty wild, and she starts laughing at me. She says S13 sent the FB invite out and the word got out, and because its FB all his friends around the globe know about it, including her. I'm thinking that I have been off the grid for hours in class so I missed the whole thing.

I get home and as I drive down the street I'm getting the feeling I used to get when pulling up to an obviously big party...the adrenaline, etc...but remind myself these are my kids and just want to make sure this doesn't get too out of control.

In my mind I'm thinking why didn't W at least text me some kind of warning and how is it that I have to rely on another girl in a foreign country to clue me into a huge event at my own house?

So, I get to the driveway and my S24 and fiance, S21 and girlfriend are standing there with all these martial arts training swords in their hands. They're all hooked on Game of Thrones and have been training in sword fighting styles almost non-stop. I say, Wow, this reminds me of some of my college parties. Where's Mom? They said, we didn't know this was going on and we stopped by and Mom was upstairs asleep. They said they decided to stay here and keep an eye on things, keep it under control and they called me but I didn't pick up because I was in yoga class. And while they were watching decided to make the most of the time and spar with each other. Okay, so the foxes are guarding the hen house I think but in their defense they had booted out anyone with booze and I didn't see anyone out of control.

I start walking through the house and its all I can do to not believe I somehow have been transported to the movie 16 Candles, and that any moment The Donger is going to be found swinging on my front door. I start looking for the pizza on the turntable, you know? I noticing that the HS kids have found out about it and the word has gotten around town as these things will. Kids are coming up to me who don't know who I am and saying "Dude...what's up?".

I find my S13 busy on the couch with his girlfriend...ahem. His is all excited and says "Hi Dad". I say look I'm not against a party by any means but did Mom know this many people were going to be here? He says, I'm not sure.....but my brothers are here. I decide to see how he's going to handle this and i ask him when the party ends. He says 11, I've got this all worked out. I say, who is going to clean it all up? He says I will, and these two guys who are sleeping over. i decide to see if he's good at his word. And to his credit, everyone did leave at 11, and they did clean up.

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OMG Rick, sorry, I couldn't help but laugh. I know I'll get my share soon enough.

You sound like a pretty 'cool' dad. Good thing that your other sons stopped by and kept an eye on things. Your W could have gotten into some serious trouble if it did get under control and involved underage drinking.

13 and throwing a wild party? Sounds like you've got your hands full. But it also sounds like your sons have decent heads on their shoulders.


Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11


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"I start walking through the house and its all I can do to not believe I somehow have been transported to the movie 16 Candles, and that any moment The Donger is going to be found swinging on my front door. I start looking for the pizza on the turntable, you know? I noticing that the HS kids have found out about it and the word has gotten around town as these things will. Kids are coming up to me who don't know who I am and saying "Dude...what's up?"."

Man, that was pretty damn funny! Imagine if The Donger HAD been swinging from the front door and you asked, where's S13 and his response would have been..."Mawried!" and you said "Married?" and he says "Mawried!" and you say again, "Married?" as you are walking away completely bewildered.... and Donger says one last time "Mawried!"

Or worse, S13 is missing so you sit down on the couch surveying the destruction all around, including the accumulated trash on the fancy lucite table of yours. Then out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse...... of another eye trapped underneath the table. It S13 aka Farmer Ted! laugh


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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rickb89 Offline OP
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Post-party-mortem.

I'm up and 5:30 and see that my S13, with some help from his brothers did complete the cleanup task. Now I'm thinking about my W and how lost from it all she must be. This was the woman who focused her entire life on her boys and would have never in a million years been able to sleep through something like this. Things are seriously wrong.

I walking around the house and thinking how many enormous demands I have to handle as a single parent right now, and that if my kids weren't older how would I do what some of my fellow DB'ers go through with little kids. I'm thinking this is it, she's too far gone, or too far away in her sitch that I've got to make a big decision sooner than later.

I see her finally come downstairs and I say wow, that was unexpected. She looks at me and says "my pinochio got broken, I've had it since I was 13", and shows me this savagely broken up pinochio. I'm thinking, this is insane. This is it. I've got to do something big or we'll never get out of this hole that's been dug, and I can't let my S13 risk what could have happened if the party had taken the wrong turn. I'm thinking we're in big trouble here and maybe she needs to deal with this in a different environment or way. The she starts talking about everything she's going through and I just sit and listen to her for about 2 1/2 hrs. I end up thinking that she has awareness enough of the issues and their effects, but then gets lost in the emotional turmoil of it all, and just can't handle it. She still in her weaker moments, evades, runs, blames. She's telling me that the more she uncovers about herself, the more she has been falling apart, and by facing it she feels like she's physically ready to drop and is in constant stress induced pain.

She tells me she has nothing in the tank to meet her responsibilites, and then guilt drives her further into a hellhole. She reiterates that she doesnt know who or what she is because she's been living a lie her whole life and wants to make sure she goes forward without any of the selfdeceptions and self illsuions she herself created. She says she cant stand that she's killing me, the kids, the family but has no choice but to go through this. She says she needs to figure out how to live as an adult in this world and learn to do everything she never learned to do with me, that I took care of everything. So she's in this dilemma in that if we work together on anything or I help her then she feels like she's less likely to get it on her own. She the says she also feels awful that she has pulled away so far, but has no idea of how she will get there and not destroy everything in the meantime. I tell her that I'm not sure how to handle it either. When I let her go completely she freaks out and thinks we have nothing together anymore and we should end it, however she knows she isn't sure of who she is or how our M will be in a new environment. She keeps bringing up the past, the things that made her feel bad. I say to her that I can understand looking at the past as a tool to uncover issues and move beyond them but if she's going to continually judge our M by that then yeah, we're cooked, however if you can use these past events as a means to a better you and us then what the hell, that could be really good. She tells me she was like a daughter and I was like a father type all along. I tell her that I dont and never wanted that, I want a partners, an equal. She tells me she can look forward without saddling us with the past to define us now, but that she is so devastated right now she has no idea who or what she will become.

Guys...I welcome the aliens to take over my brain if it means some much needed rest! Prayer and patience is what I got as my gamer weapons at the moment.

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Originally Posted By: nhmom
OMG Rick, sorry, I couldn't help but laugh. I know I'll get my share soon enough.

You sound like a pretty 'cool' dad. Good thing that your other sons stopped by and kept an eye on things. Your W could have gotten into some serious trouble if it did get under control and involved underage drinking.

13 and throwing a wild party? Sounds like you've got your hands full. But it also sounds like your sons have decent heads on their shoulders.


Ha ha I can laugh now...I'm survived it. I think my S13, who is entering HS this fall just got his first taste of unrestrained youthful abandon, and what the teenage tidal forces are capable of. I think he actually handled it pretty well, and thank god his older brothers got his back.

I actually saw the FB pics today....actually pretty damn funny but I can't let him know that. I actually thought it was hysterically funny in some cases. Like the one photo of my S13 wearing a girl's bra...he doesn't know I saw that one... he actually looked just like his Mom in it! And to think FB allows the whole world to see it.

Thanks god nothing happened that was bad. My S13 actually learned quite a lesson here and stepped up and took responsibility for the entire town's teenage population.

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Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
"I start walking through the house and its all I can do to not believe I somehow have been transported to the movie 16 Candles, and that any moment The Donger is going to be found swinging on my front door. I start looking for the pizza on the turntable, you know? I noticing that the HS kids have found out about it and the word has gotten around town as these things will. Kids are coming up to me who don't know who I am and saying "Dude...what's up?"."

Man, that was pretty damn funny! Imagine if The Donger HAD been swinging from the front door and you asked, where's S13 and his response would have been..."Mawried!" and you said "Married?" and he says "Mawried!" and you say again, "Married?" as you are walking away completely bewildered.... and Donger says one last time "Mawried!"

Or worse, S13 is missing so you sit down on the couch surveying the destruction all around, including the accumulated trash on the fancy lucite table of yours. Then out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse...... of another eye trapped underneath the table. It S13 aka Farmer Ted! laugh


Mawried jeesh.

The Donger has never been so happy.

I actually did think of Farmer Ted. You know, when he's almost out of air under the table, and yells "Jaaake"!

Ironically, my W is a dead ringer for Molly Ringwall.

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"Ironically, my W is a dead ringer for Molly Ringwall."

I always thought Molly Ringwald was the hottest babe on the planet. Something about that red hair, beautiful lips and great legs!! Oh, la la! smile


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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rickb89 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
"Ironically, my W is a dead ringer for Molly Ringwall."

I always thought Molly Ringwald was the hottest babe on the planet. Something about that red hair, beautiful lips and great legs!! Oh, la la! smile


She is something that's for sure.

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