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#2225030 - 02/26/12 01:04 AM If you like Pina Coladas....
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Every time I start to think that I'm alone... I'm quickly reminded that I am not. I am so grateful to all of you who take time to share your thoughts with me smile

link to last thread:
part 6
(all other parts can be found on that first page... I don't feel like copying all of them.)

Ok, so I changed the name of this thread just for fun. Did you sing the next line in that song when you read it?? I have that song on my 'happy' playlist and I've always wondered: if I took out a personal add, would my H respond to it?? As silly as that song is, there's a deeper message that I get from it... The guy is looking at the personals b/c he's bored with his lady. He finds this perfect woman that he just *has* to meet... turns out it's *his* lady. He says that he never knew all those wonderful things about her that he also loved... and a new R is born. Don't you think that all of us have been guilty at one point or another for assuming we know everything about our spouse? Isn't is possible that we *don't* know everything and by re-discovereing each other, we can fall in love all over again? At least that's what I'm hoping for... and my title will remind me of that smile

Today:
Thank you all SOOOOOO much for advising on my latest cr@p. I have given it some thought, and I'll probably do a lot more, but there are some holes in her 'story' that make me believe she was mistaken about who/what she saw:
-I really think my H is smart enough NOT to make out with any OW in front of the house- that's just really stupid! Besides, do you know many *adults* that would 'make-out' hot and heavy in their driveway for the whole world to see- ok some of us might, but not daily.
-(like bklyn said) IF they did have something going on 2 years ago, why wouldn't they pick it back up now that they are 'allowed' to??
-supposedly there was a guy who would park down the block and watch my house from a small black car (exBFF's H had this kind of car) BUT- exBFF's H is also crazy enough, that IF he *had* seen them kissing, he wouldn't have stayed in the car... he probably would have run over and made a big scene... not to mention, he would be using this example against OW in their D papers.
(a possible confusion: 2 years ago, the neighbor on the other side of us, had a revolving door of girlfriends... he was getting ready to leave for the Navy and was at home ALL the time. This would also make sense about the 'making out' observation- *teenagers* wouldn't hesitate to do tonsil hockey in the street!)

There's just too many questions and not enough facts for me to confront H. So I'm going to keep my mouth closed. Some of you may disagree, and may think that I'm not standing up for myself- but here's how I've come to explain it to myself:

That Purg hadn't looked into herself enough to know that she can't always point the finger at H, I needed to point the finger at myself sometimes too. This Purg has accepted her faults, and H's faults (including the ones I don't know about.) I want a *new* M with this man that is the father of my children, my best friend and the love of my life.... that means that 'old M' drama can't come along. I view myself as having a clean slate approach- any potential new R or M, will be based on *this* Purg. Just like when we all came into our Ms, our personalities/beliefs/experiences had all shaped the person that our spouse chose to fall in love with and marry... If my H is to fall in love with me again, it will be with a Purg that has been shaped by all the good and bad experiences in life- including our old M.

2TP has this quote at the bottom of his info: "Forgiveness is setting down the load & never picking it up again!"

I truly want a new and better M with my H.... I have to LIVE this ^^^^^ if that is ever going to be possible.

BTW, check out a group called DB Buddies.... it could be kinda cool! (especially if it works now!) Rick, I hope the suspense hasn't killed you smile
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2225049 - 02/26/12 07:35 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
Originally Posted By: purgatory
Isn't is possible that we *don't* know everything and by re-discovereing each other, we can fall in love all over again?


A former coworker said something a couple of years ago that I didn't quite understand then, but it makes so much sense now.

She said that every few years her and her H re-discover each other.

They have been together about the same amount of time as my H and I, maybe even a bit longer. Granted they don't have any kids yet, so their marriage hasn't undergone that kind of test yet.

But what she said makes so much sense now. Re-discovering each other every few years is like falling in love all over again. You learn new things about each other, remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, and make sure that you don't get wrapped up too much with other stuff that would make you "forget" all about the SO.

Hope you're having a great weekend, P!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2225052 - 02/26/12 08:03 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: nhmom]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8408
Loc: Sonoran Desert
You gotta do what you gotta do do.

I think I've lost a friendship because I wasn't doing what she thought I should do with my marriage. I go too much unsolicited advice.

Your post sounds good. Keep working on you and let H worry about H.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2225101 - 02/26/12 10:49 AM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: labug]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
So interesting because it seems like many of us are at the same point..

I've been thinking.. If I met my H today, would I still want to be with him? He has the advantage of being the father of my kids but what else? Hmmmmm... Maybe too much thinking for 730 on a Sunday morning!

What's db friends?
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2225122 - 02/26/12 12:17 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: barely floating]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Woke up today, re-read my post and.... I still feel the same.
I get so irritated by H acting as if I'm not even in this house with him and he only talks to me when *he* feels like it.... But there have been little chats and looks that he's given me that let me know *my* H is still in there, and that he might be tossing things around in his head.

I hope someone can check FB and see if that group works. Search: DB Buddies
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

Top
#2225126 - 02/26/12 12:34 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
Purg, I get the same occasional looks but not really sure what they mean. smile I did show off my new $3 jeans which my H said looked really good! Hahaha. I know they do!! Especially for $3!!!

I try not to read into his actions too much. Because one minute he seems to look at me like he use to and the next he's walking out that door. But what stays constant for me is that I know I am the mother of these kiddies and that is something he can not ignore.

I tried looking up db friends. So many groups and not sure which one is right one frown
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2225139 - 02/26/12 01:35 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
"I hope someone can check FB and see if that group works. Search: DB Buddies"

There are several but none look like they are for "us". I have a fb page for my alter-ego called: Twothepoint DB . If any of you want to join, click the link and submit a friend request.

Chow!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2225182 - 02/26/12 04:56 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
"There's just too many questions and not enough facts for me to confront H. So I'm going to keep my mouth closed. Some of you may disagree, and may think that I'm not standing up for myself- but here's how I've come to explain it to myself:

That Purg hadn't looked into herself enough to know that she can't always point the finger at H, I needed to point the finger at myself sometimes too. This Purg has accepted her faults, and H's faults (including the ones I don't know about.) I want a *new* M with this man that is the father of my children, my best friend and the love of my life.... that means that 'old M' drama can't come along. I view myself as having a clean slate approach- any potential new R or M, will be based on *this* Purg. Just like when we all came into our Ms, our personalities/beliefs/experiences had all shaped the person that our spouse chose to fall in love with and marry... If my H is to fall in love with me again, it will be with a Purg that has been shaped by all the good and bad experiences in life- including our old M."


I really like this ^^^^ new attitude, Purg!!! Really good, solid growth going on here!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2225183 - 02/26/12 04:57 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: 2thepoint]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
H and I have managed to avoid each other today. It's his weekend with the boys and he leaves the house as often as possible. I've kept myself pretty busy too...nothing exciting, but I'm enjoying getting my tasks accomplished.

I've tried to get this working...click on the link smile

Anyone doing anything exciting for the oscars?? I know Barely is having a viewing party with some girlfriends smile
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

Top
#2225184 - 02/26/12 05:00 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
"Anyone doing anything exciting for the oscars?? I know Barely is having a viewing party with some girlfriends "

....but were any of us invited? wink
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
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