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Hey Breakdown Bill, I'm just wondering if you are having your counselling via DB?

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Originally Posted By: breakdownbill
Thanks Denver, I really appreciate your help and support and I'm so happy for you that your hard work is paying off and how much happier you are now compared to your earlier threads.

I seem to be on here a lot lately, because besides the counselling and 1 good friend, I don't really feel comfortable discussing my M problems with friends and I realise now what a bad idea confiding in my sister and MIL was. By the way her Mother has respected my wishes and not confronted her on what's going on. I feel terrible that I told her and know that it's going to be another obstacle when her Mum does confront her.

Anyway, I will be here quite a lot. Got my next Counselling session on Tuesday, they really are helping me get to the bottom of my issues.

Thanks again Denver, i'll be sure to check out those threads you recommended.

Bill


Thanks BDB. I am happier, but not yet content. I still have a ways to go with my sitch. In the early stages people tell you that this is going to take time, but you never realize just how much time it may take. Take it a day at a time, hell, a second at a time if you have to in the beginning.

Denver


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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Originally Posted By: Norfolkdumpling
Hey Breakdown Bill, I'm just wondering if you are having your counselling via DB?


Hi Norfolk

I wish I could afford the counselling through DB. I'm getting free counselling from the University that I go to. It's really good because they just let you talk and talk about stuff & then start helping you connect the dots.

I notice that you haven't posted your sitch (situation) yet. I had a good look before I posted mine, but I'm so glad I shared my story (ongoing) and the advice I am getting keeps me going. When you're ready people will listen and help you.

Take care

Bill


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
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[/quote]

Thanks BDB. I am happier, but not yet content. I still have a ways to go with my sitch. In the early stages people tell you that this is going to take time, but you never realize just how much time it may take. Take it a day at a time, hell, a second at a time if you have to in the beginning.

Denver [/quote]

I suppose when you think about things there is no point in rushing anything with our R's, before the bomb I know that I wasn't in a hurry to change anything, so I can't rush change now. The OM isn't going to stop me working on myself, but whilst he is on the scene I don't think my W will face up to her own issues & just keep blaming me.
I love my W, she really is my BF and I miss that so much. I'm wondering how effective my detaching is going to be, seeing as she is doing a natural 180 and detaching herself. But I'm gonna stick to it, because it's the best chance I've got right now. But I did start thinking about what changed her mind to reconsider giving our R another go (temporarily anyway)- when I confronted her & put her in her place in an argument- which was a 180 for me in our R as I normally avoid confrontation. I'll have to explore that one in my next counselling session.

Today I've had a good day - doing UNI work, saw some old friends I used to volunteer with at a school and had fun. Oh & finally the DR book arrived today - nearly finished chapter 2 & read most of chapter 10 (infidelity). I love the book already & I'm focused on the long road ahead.


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
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Journal entry

Hey just wanted to check if it's a good or normal reaction for your WAS to be sad and crying a lot when you are detaching & looking desperate for me to ask her if she is ok?

Does this mean she's starting to notice or question her decision(s)?

I've been spending even more quality time with the kids lately than normal (I was hard on myself - because I am a good Dad anyway) and their love and affection has really helped me detaching.

Anyway got a full day planned ahead - more dissertation interviews & a lecture to go to later @ UNI. Hope people are having a good day & I'll check in later.

Bill


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
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Hey Bill, I am reconciled now to hubby. I may be able to help you but I will need to talk to Virginia. Could you afford to call the USA if I can work this out?

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Originally Posted By: breakdownbill

Hey just wanted to check if it's a good or normal reaction for your WAS to be sad and crying a lot when you are detaching & looking desperate for me to ask her if she is ok?

Does this mean she's starting to notice or question her decision(s)?


Who knows? Don't try to mind read. It could literally be anything that is causing her to be sad and cry. All you can do is continue to do what you are doing. You've got to let her figure some things out on her own.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 434
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Hi Denver, yeah you're right I shouldn't try and mind read, it'll get me in trouble. I've noticed my W has stopped texting altogether now and since I was only responding to her messages, she must have gotten fed up with that anyway, since I started to detach.

Oh well all part of the DB'g dance I suppose.

Had a good day @ UNI and actually got some work done today. Gonna read some more of the DR book later and write my goals from chapter 3.

Bill


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 434
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Oh man, the W! she is in a foul mood with me tonight. Really short and obvious about how she's feeling towards me, like she wants me to bite and have a fight. We normally have a Friday treat after school when we take the kids to mcdonalds or someplace. I just got told we're going to carols (family friend) house instead and no hint of an invite. Last night she let our D sleep in our bed with her so I would be in her bed, really think she's gonna do the same tonight (using our kids - pretty low). Is this just her way of trying to make me hate her, so i'll want to move out? I'll read some more threads, but is this a common thing from a waw when you are separated but living together? Ah... Penny just dropped it's Thursday and she hasn't gone dancing and gone to bed early.

Well we'll see what tomorrow brings I guess.


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 434
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Journalling

Had a tough morning - thinking about M - but bounced back & noone saw me down or upset (which is good).

I thought I would try & shake things up a bit and go wild with the cleaning. Tidied all downstairs & hoovered, put washing away, washing on etc & did something I've never done since we've been together cleaned the BATHROOM. I thought well it'll just keep my W curious and it's a 180 for me. Then I noticed she's no longer wearing her engagement or wedding rings (not a good sign).

When W came home early she was very angry & short - asked her how her day was, got a firm OK - so I pulled back. 15 mins of silence W- you having a drink - me - no thanks I'm good gotta bottle of water.

W decided she was taking the kids to a friends house tonight (no invite for me)not worth an argument although I would usually go & have fun there. When she was leaving I just asked if she was going straight there from School (only to gage if I'd see the kids for a bit)- I got - Yeah, why are you asking me? Me - just checking - pulled back. W leaves and slams the door - huffing

Is this what they call the resentment stage - where I am seen as the total cause and reason they feel bad and must remain a target until told otherwise.

I haven't rose to any of the bait, but I'm just wondering how long it'll be before she snaps - any advice on how to handle all this bad feeling? (given my sitch - I feel like a sitting duck)

Bill


Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy
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