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#2227988 - 03/06/12 06:16 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: Grocerykartman]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
We've never communicated and been as close as we are now. It feels better than when we first got together & as soon as she gets in from work we can't keep our hands off each other. She promised me to show me her phone if he texts and not reply - then delete it. She has asked her friend to call him to ask him to stop texting her. I wanna beat him up, but I know that won't change anything. (continued)
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2227989 - 03/06/12 06:19 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: Grocerykartman]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
* continued - I have booked myself in for some free counselling sessions @ UNI which I have told W about. This is to help me get back on track in life - talk through with a stranger how I'm feeling & not have anyone judge me. I know that there is a risk that this might happen again to me ( W cheating), but I'm so happy that I will leave it in the past & this is a fresh start for both of us which I'm not going to screw up.
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228064 - 03/06/12 11:26 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
Once again I apologise for all the double posting - forgot about the moderation delays.

I'll keep people up to date with the developments as they go - I'm a long way from being out of the woods and this OM is still texting her - although she's not texting back.

Any advice from you guys is always welcome.
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228797 - 03/08/12 06:00 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
I'm really sorry for going missing on here for a while - my head's not been right. I really do appreciate the advice. I'm gonna post another update on developments.
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228798 - 03/08/12 06:04 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
After Sunday's fireworks of getting back together & then being told about the affair, things are a little rocky. She's told me more about the affair and although she's not texting him & he hasn't text back, I don't think she wants it to be over. She's devestated about not being able to go back dancing and asked again if she could go to just the lesson. I said that I felt that she had rejected all my offers to go out, even dancing and at the weekend with the kids. She was cold & although she reciprocates when I show affection - she doesn't initiate it anymore. ** will continue
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228799 - 03/08/12 06:08 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
yesterday I said to her that in the past the thought of having another baby scared me, but that now our children were a little older it doesn't anymore. I said I'm not saying I want to have a baby right now, but I don't feel the way I used to about it. I can understand why, but she took this as I wanna have a baby to fix everything - I don't. I was just trying to show her that my feelings had changed towards the idea having a baby. I screwed up!! for one of the 1st times in ages she left her phone unattended and she was bitching about me to a friend from dancing - saying no way will she have a baby to me and that it won't change the way she feels. ** continued
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228800 - 03/08/12 06:12 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
I didn't confront her about the message, but asked her if this is what she wanted as I didn't feel like she wanted to hold me. she said it was hard for her and that she is trying, I said I understand - but think I'm just setting myself up for a fall. I want it to work so bad I feel like I'm losing my integrity & self esteem. What should I do?
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
#2228826 - 03/08/12 09:02 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: breakdownbill]
jlove Offline
Member

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 126
This is the same stich I found myself in. We madeup after EA bomb and were very active sexually for us and I assumed all was well. Then about 2 months later I found them talking in a bar at 3 am and after we left she got home and I got "i cannot take this anymore, i need my own place, etc."

So, almost 2 months later after 2nd bomb, no sex, W still here, no contact with OM, but W is of mindset "taking it day by day and trying my best to do what's right."

So we went from me thinking all was ok while she was "faking it? trying?" to "I have to have my own space," to "I'm trying to do the right thing." Of course, D14 found out about OM shortly after bomb 2 and let W have it, so that was some of the impetus of her and non contact w OM.

I suggest from my experience, you lower your expectations and take it slow, hard as it may be (I know how hard it is!!!). This is no quick and easy fix.
_________________________
M 43, W 40
T 22. M 14
D 14, S 9, S 8
DD 11/21/11
Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!


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#2228829 - 03/08/12 09:18 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: jlove]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7794
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Have you read either of the DR or DB books? By your posts is doesn't seem like it as you are doing everything MWD says not to. You're bouncing all over the place.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2228849 - 03/08/12 10:30 AM Re: I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything [Re: jlove]
breakdownbill Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 434
Loc: Liverpool, England
[quote=jlove]This is the same stich I found myself in. We madeup after EA bomb and were very active sexually for us and I assumed all was well. Then about 2 months later I found them talking in a bar at 3 am and after we left she got home and I got "i cannot take this anymore, i need my own place, etc."

Thanks j love - this is what I'm afraid of. Today she's been texting me loads and even called me from work she hasn't done that for over a month. I've booked a restaurant for Saturday night & booked her into to get her hair done - she seems really happy - but I hope she's not faking it.
_________________________
Me 34 W 32
D 9 S 6
M: 9 years
T: 12
Bomb: 02/11/12
EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing
Moved out: Oct 2012
Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13

Don't just GAL, find yourself and be happy

Top
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