Waiting for the tides to change - 3

[rickb89]

Banana - I might need serious help on the photo techniques according to Grmpy Ape...see the pics....I guess I have to figure out lighting and basics like that.

Peace....talk to you soon

[BFloat]

haha. i am starting from the beginning! just had a review on aperture and f stops. i hope i remember everything!

so i'm gone for the weekend.. AGAIN. H txted me earlier to let me know that our mortgage and everything else all in check. also said there is some money he wanted me to put in an acct for emergencies. i txted back asking whether we were both opening up emergency accts. he responded we could talk about that later. hmmmmm...

i guess i'm really nervous about retrouvaille because i'm sort of planning my exit for after it. i'm preparing myself to figure out all the logistics (ie. who gets what car.. child support.. separating cell phone bills..). i've started by getting my own cc and next week will probably go open up an entirely separate bank acct (if i have time!). i've applied for a line at work w/ more hrs.. just thinking about how to support myself and my kids. i'm preparing for worse case scenario. because i really don't know where H's head is at.. and sort of think.. he's been so determined to not be here that he'll probably continue on his merry way. argh!

going to head out to see some documentary later. coffee.. people watching.. trying to keep myself busy. 3 weekends w/ no kids gave up next weekend because i am working and they might as well be spending time w/ H if i can't be with them. boo hoo.

i feel sort of all over the place today. i think it's because i'm getting off of 2 night shifts and sleep pattern a bit skew.

[rickb89]

So you are preparing to really be a single Mom.....and hoping Retroville will fix your M? I am asking because im sitting here thinking along your lines for myself. Dont you find it hard to have two minds at once....one moving on and planning for it...and the other trying to fix it?

What documentary did you see? I'm watching Ancient Aliens right now....trying to figure out which race abducted my W's brain.

[purgatory]

Rick, love that ^^^^^^^ show!

BF- enjoy your weekend as best as you can, I know it's hard to leave the babies.
I really commend you for preparing yourself for the possibility of being a single mom. It shows a lot of maturity on your part to take steps to create a life for you and your kids- lets hope you never have to use them.

I'm really praying that Retrouvaille will do something for your and H. Not only for your family, but to give a little hope to the rest of us

[Grmpy_Mnky]

I'm really praying that Retrouvaille will do something for your and H. Not only for your family, but to give a little hope to the rest of us

I too am curious. Have not played that card yet, but I do think about it.

BTW - Rick, no curious george jokes.

[purgatory]

"Curiois George goes to Retrouvaille" coming this fall

(you said *rick*, nothing about the rest of us)

[mr mr]

"Curious George Left Behind, Man With Yellow Hat Walks Away."No Sorry, couldn't resist.

[BklynMom]

Sometimes I get so nervous about encounters with H I forget to enjoy them. Other times I pretend we are what we appear to be and thats a happy family, usually those interactions are better. Imagine Retrouvialle as 2nd honeymoon, be excited for it. No matter the outcome you will spend a couple days doing something just with him. Sometimes I think, gee I gotta enjoy these moments now cause when we D we will hang out even less and I will miss him more.

[BFloat]

oo oo ee ah.. that's what my D says when she says she's a monkey. she also beats her chest when she does it. in her little high pitched 2 yr old voice. she's a character!

purg.. thanks for the prayers! i have been praying just for an open heart from the both of us for retrouvaille.

rick.. i'm moving forward i guess. i figured having my own bank acct will be good whether i am w/ H or not. and if the answer is not.. then i will have already been prepared. does that make any sense?

i think w/ retrouvaille.. i am hesitant to be hopeful as it may create expectations. yes.. many people get a lot out of it but.. there are some that don't. i think i can say i'm hopeful that this will at least open up communication so that we can come to a better understanding and move forward. there are some things i want to say (and i'm sure things he wants to say) which will hopefully come out in a safe environment. i will try to get as much out of it as i can (and relay all the sordid details). maybe it will help my M.. but if not, i will have bettered myself for my next one.

as for the preparing to be a single mom... i'm thinking, if it comes to that.. then that is what i will do. i don't think H would shirk out of his responsibilities but.. you never know. my focus is to be strong and independent. like i said to H and my IC.. i have survived a lot of sh$t in my life.. i'm going to survive this. i am stronger than people realize.

bklyn - lol. hard to think of it as 2nd honeymoon since we are so careful not to touch.. change behind closed doors.. so it's going to be very weird to be sleeping in the same room. i did ask for 2 beds. didn't want that awkwardness or to have the potential of feeling rejected. but i will look forward to the possibility that things may improve between us. so messy!

soooo.. did not end up going to movie. we missed it! that's ok. ended up having dinner.. browsing the bookstore (a luxury w/out kids) and then having coffee before heading home. hmmmm.. maybe that's why i'm wide awake right now!

thinking about GAL. i would love to learn how to fly a plane. my dad was a pilot. when i was younger, i wanted to be a fighter pilot. and when i was a little older, i wanted to pursue airplane mechanics or mech engineering. fast forward 20 yrs.. how did i end up where i did? lol!

[hopeless in wa]

BF, I've followed you for awhile. You are lucky he will even go. My H. absolutely no MC, nothing. You seem very strong. It must be so hard with little kids to go through this. Hoping for the best for you.