Indecision and the affair continues (part 3)

[Starsky309]

H is losing it. He's not sleeping, he left today but was in and out of our bedroom at least 6 times last night.

H is mad I filed for divorce and retained an attorney. I told him I needed to protect myself financially...and the filing truly protects both of us. It seemed like seeing the filing hit him between the eyes.

He was also trying to tell me he hasn't spent that much on OW and she actually pays for a lot of their travel. I got sick of hearing about it and told him to "f*** off". He came back later and I said I still just can't understand how he could go on vacation while I'm home with the kids.

He was in our bedroom the night before last. He said he just needed to hear my breathing..."it's comforting".

He's losing control. And, he's realizing I'm moving on.

For anyone who gave me the advice to stop putting up with this--it was the right advice! But, I had to get to this point where I'm detached and willing to take the risk.

Stay tuned...

nb,

Try not to get sucked into these convos with him anymore: don't "jump into the pit" with him. When he brings up anything legal or financial, just say something like "Unfortunately, this is now a legal situation and I guess the lawyers and the courts will have to sort that all out, from our financial disclosures. I really don't understand how it all works, but I'll be relying on my attorney for that." Or, shorter, just "I guess we'll have to discuss all these things with our attorneys now."

I know it's hard, but try to remain unemotional -- no more "f*c* off" comments, missy! Much better to say "I'm really sorry you feel that way," or just "smile and wave" as we used to say around here.


You're doing well, tho.


Starsky

[Nblost]

Update...so, D11 lost her cell phone over the weekend. She went on to my ipad to track it...and guess whose phone she tracked? "Mom, why is Dad's phone in Mexico?" Yep. Texted him and told him the kids had tracked him. He had told me he had "plans" this past weekend so I wasn't overly surprised. But, he's been all about being honest with each other...so the fact that he went to Mexico with OW is a little different than "having plans".

He told me to tell the kids he was at a meeting. I responded via text and said I wasn't going to cover for him. (In reality, I ended up telling the kids he was in Mexico with friends...)

This was all actually good verification that I'm going down the right path for me. Just ridiculous.

There was also a tragic death in his family this weekend and his dad called him in Mexico crying. H texted me about it. So, I think between him knowing our kids know he was in Mexico and this death...he couldn't have had the best weekend ever.

He comes back Friday. I am going to let him know he can't stay in the house. (In the end, he may stay in the guest room...because he's only home for a day and a half and he needs to swap out his clothes, etc.)

I got Dobson's book Tough Love this weekend...very good and very fitting for where I am.

[Starsky309]

He told me to tell the kids he was at a meeting. I responded via text and said I wasn't going to cover for him. (In reality, I ended up telling the kids he was in Mexico with friends...)

So, you told him you were no longer going to cover for his affair, and then you covered for his affair. Got it.


Starsky

[Nblost]

Ha ha, I know.

I just didn't tell him that I covered for him. I just wasn't going to tell the kids a story that he was in Mexico for business.

Above all, I'm putting the kids first. I would not tell 4, 8 and 11 year olds that their dad is with his new girlfriend on a vacation.

[Starsky309]

Ha ha, I know.

I just didn't tell him that I covered for him. I just wasn't going to tell the kids a story that he was in Mexico for business.

Above all, I'm putting the kids first. I would not tell 4, 8 and 11 year olds that their dad is with his new girlfriend on a vacation.

And I wouldn't recommend that you do. I am glad that you're not giving him any reassurances in that regard, tho.


Starsky

[imthemom]

wow...Mexico huh??....the absolute, well, ill use the nicest word I can think of, NERVE, these men (and Im useing that word loosely) have is unbelievable to me.....
selfish...spineless...cowards....
also the nicest words I can think of right now...

[Nblost]

ITM, I know...it's beyond ridiculous. Especially given he freaked out that I filed and acted like I was rushing us towards a divorce outcome that he didn't want.

I'm actually not using much emotional energy on him. This was the last straw in my book. I don't want to deal with this anymore and I'm truly happier right now by myself and focused on the kids.

I'm very glad I filed for divorce (almost 2 weeks ago now)...in California we have a 6 month waiting period and I'm glad that's started.

[imthemom]

I am in CA also and am 4 months into our "6 month waiting period"...he has hired a lawyer and is fighting me on a divorce that HE wanted so it looks like its going to be a looooong ungly battle...sad ....

[bsygrl]

You are distrupting his path of least resistance. Of course he is losing his mind. Let's all take a moment and feel sorry for him...ok! Over it. Move on.

[imthemom]

BTW...are you keeping track of all this money he has been spending on ow??? In CA that can factor into your settelment...