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Loc: Nor Cal, USA
So, I ended up saying something to him about how he comments on everything and invited himself along to one of my friend's activities: Don't you think it's mildly inappropriate to invite yourself along to my friend's activities after breaking up with me?
Roger: Are you speaking of the Fazzerati's dinner in Napa? if you are, Kerri said that she is ok with hanging out. If you aren't comfortable I will cancel. She sorta asked me as well. I did tell her she had the choice to defriend me like your other friends since u and i are not together So... It's your call. If u feel uncomfortable about it then i will defriend and not go
Michelle: Actually, the Disneyland one seemed far more inappropriate, although much more likely you were joking. The Fazzerati's thing is a fundraiser, not really Kerri's. She sorta asked you what as well? And why would you put it on her to make the choice?
Roger: I was joking about the DL one. The Fazz was a fundraiser so yes any difference should be set aside and it gives me a reason to go to Napa since I won't be going for the next few weekends. As for her staying a friend. I leave it up to them. If they want to stay friends that's their deal. If u like I will defriend all of your friends since it's making you uncomfortable.
Michelle: What makes me uncomfortable is the fact that you can act like nothing has changed.
Last night he sent this out to all my friends and family that he was friends with on Facebook:
HI all, Just a note to let u know that I am defriending all of Michelle's friends and family since we are no longer together. You are welcome to re-add me if you want but i leave that to you. Great luck to all of you in your lives and adventures . Cheers Roger
He did this in a mass message which several people replied to, including my sister and dad.
(sister) 6:23pm Feb 16 What about Kelsy?
Roger 9:21pm Feb 16 It's the natural order . Kelsey sees me every other weekend
(my dad) 9:49pm Feb 16 What a way to man-up and tell everybody., I am very disappointed, Roger.
Roger 10:57pm Feb 16 Well Michael, it is up to her to clear the air. First policy is truth. If that an issue, then it is your issue.
Tiffani (ex-SIL)4:11am Feb 17 I'm also really sad to hear that. I really enjoyed spending time with you and hope you all the best
(my dad) 7:27am Feb 17 Well, Roger , what is the truth from your perspective?
My friend Lisette forwarded the message string to me this morning.
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
Sent Roger a text Saturday mid-morning "Inviting yourself to Disneyland with my friend, joking or not, was mildly inappropriate. Sending a mass message to like 22 people on Facebook and turning it into a forum to justify your decision goes far beyond inappropriate" About 5 minutes later I just got back "good point" (hey, at least he agreed!)
Sent a text to my dad, basically saying I know you want to understand and help, but what you're doing is inappropriate and my dad started arguing with me. Then told me if I wanted to talk to him he wasn't texting me anymore and to call him. Then he turned his phone off so I couldn't have called him even if I'd wanted to (which I didn't). UGH! 63 my a$$. More like 3!
The rest of the mass Facebook messaging (not sure if anything is missing in the middle as I got this second-hand)
Roger 11:47am Feb 17 Truth is honesty. I was honest with her, her friends and her family. As for why she and I are no longer together, that is for her to explain, Mike. Your disappointment in the situation or in me might be cleared up then. I hope the best for you in your new endeavors.
(my dad) 12:07pm Feb 17 Actually, Roger, you haven't been entirely honest. When if ever have you come to me and said, "I have a problem and would like some insights?"
Lisette 12:44pm Feb 17 Roger - I don’t think it was necessary to de-friend us all this way and send a mass message for all to see. I know breakups are exceptionally hard, and there is need for space on both parties to heal. I know Michelle needs some space to heal, but I don’t think she’d want you to cut us all out completely, even if she needs some distance for now.
(my dad) 5:27pm Feb 17 Now that I have had a bit more time, I want you to consider the following, Roger:
First, Michelle loves you (I haven't heard otherwise)
Secondly, everyone in the family likes you and wants you to be a part of our family.
3rdly, Not a one of us is perfect and neither are you. We accept all of your imperfections, and STILL want you in our family.
If you think you are gonna get a better deal or offer than that in this frakked-up world, take it move on. OTHERWISE, get your ass back over to Michelle's: beg, crawl, do whatever it takes to work things out!!!
(my dad) 5:29pm Feb 17 The key to a good marriage is not to make yourself happy, but to brighten your mate's day, and make them happy.
Roger 6:13pm Feb 17 Thanks for your input Michael and Lisette. I understand my way of handling this is pretty cold. I have my reasons for it.
As for her. You are correct in saying she is the best out there and that She needs space to heal n such. As for me, this is my way of giving her space. By eliminating any factors that may cause more discomfort than is already taking place.
Like I said, if you want to continue to be friends you are more than welcome to drop me a line.
Michael, the reasons of our separation are not to be discussed in this blog. That is inappropriate. I respect her privacy. Granted everyone thinks this mass email is a breach of privacy. Everyone has a right to know why i am removing them from my page. That is all. I will speak no further on this matter. Thank you for you input.
I didn't talk to Roger til Sunday afternoon. He came by to pick up puppy so I could go to the hot springs, so it was mostly arrangements. He also told me my massage therapist was going to the same hot springs later. I never saw him as I was already gone by the time he got her. He tried to text me while I was at the hot springs, but I had no reception.
Got back late Monday. Went home and got unpacked, did some laundry, got ready for work. He kept puppy til after work last night. I went to the gym then went to get her. He is miserably sick *snicker* *cough*karma*cough*
Puppy was soooo happy to see him and didn't whine, scratch, or cry when I left her in the yard to go to work this am. Was a nice reprieve.
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
[12:20] roger: Well did doggie settle down when she got home? [12:26] mi: she did [12:26] mi: and she didn't whine or scratch at the gate when i left this am [12:26] mi: it was really nice [12:28] mi: you feeling any better? [13:36] System Message: roger is offline
I agree with you about telling your dad it was inappropriate to discussing your situation on such an open forum (he sounds a lot like my dad.)I'm sure he feels like he is protecting you but it should be offline and not open to all. Of course Roger instigated it with his mass message which personally I think was very childish in the first place. Sounds like something a kid in Junior High School would do.
You are, on the other hand, the only mature adult in the room. Keep busy - this too shall pass.