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just catching up on your sitch. wow! what a roller coaster!

glad your wife is back home and doing better. she must have a lot going on in her mind.

your actions towards your W during this time really moved me. you displayed love, compassion and empathy in the most selfless way. i'm sure your actions didn't go unnoticed (not that you did it to get noticed right wink ).

spain sounds awesome!!! do you have long flowy hair? if not.. maybe you should consider growing it. the image of long flowy hair w/ speedos sounds fantastic!


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
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Quick post...

Took the boys to church today and part of the sermon was focused on satan, the master manipulator. How satan has had eons of practice to twist and manipulate to achieve his ends which is to drive a wedge between God and man.

This ^^^ will be important later on in my post.

So after we get home, I check in on W who is still in bed but on the phone. I get the kids settled and I head up stairs to lie down for a bit as I'm still a little under the weather.

After awhile, I hear my W rustling about downstairs and then she makes her way upstairs to check on the boys. Eventually she finds her way to the guest bedroom where I am staying. I invite her in and we start talking about this and that. I make room on the bed for her so she can sit down which she accepts.

The whole time she is in the room she is looking around, surveying the landscape. Se tells me that she is very emotional and starts to tear up. I ask her why and she says that this whole life altering event from the last 10 days has really got her shook up.

Then she tells me about a dream she had that really scared her. She says that a man who appeared to be a priest of sorts, (dark clothes, dark hair, maybe white collar) insinuates himself into her dream. She says it was very different than the Baptist minister who paid a visit to her while she was in the hospital.

Then she felt at ease and welcomed this visitor. However in her dream, the visitor seemed more sinister and unwelcome. And it scared her very much.

This is when I told her about this mornings sermon. About how maybe satan sees that you were open to hearing about the word of God when you were at the hospital and how satan sees this and he is now trying to turn you away from your new found understanding of God and religion and that he is trying to drive a wedge between you and God. My W nods in agreement.

I tell her that I thought today's sermon was a little flat but that I always come away with some little nugget of useful information. And W says, like satan in my dream? I said exactly!

So we continue to talk and the topic turns to a former friend of my W's who dumped her in the most cruel way imaginable and how this supposed friend was really just selfish and cruel and manipulative, etc. I ask her why she still holds on to this memory of an event that occurred almost 4 years ago. She said she didn't know but that she was trying to rid herself of this by trying to initiate new friendships.

Then we begin talking about people in general and how often they have certain personality traits that we don't like but sometimes it is best to take the good with the bad and view the person as a whole before casting them aside.

This ^^^ has always been a big problem for my W. For example she has this one acquaintance who on one side is incredibly bossy, very demanding, judgmental and sometimes downright rude. On the other hand, she can also be very sweet and can be one of the most generous people you'll ever want to know.

Or another acquaintance who has an opinion about everything and everyone, and yet is very giving, funny, available, etc.

I tell my W that rather than turn our backs on these people because there may be something about them we don't like, it doesn't make them all bad. And isn't life too short to always cast judgement on others because then we would have no friends and what would life be like without friends?

My W agrees with what I'm saying and then says "this is a very different view than you had 6 months ago. You really are evolving."

I'm not sure who is evolving but maybe we both are.

Then the phone rings and the mood is lost.

Later I go down stairs and ask my W if she would be willing to be friends again with the one who dumped her 4 years ago. She says no. I then asked, then why do you give her so much of your power and energy. She says she is really trying to move on from that and is working on making new friends that will hopefully help her to do just that.

I tell her that it is important that women have friends (this has always been a problem with my W, not very trusting and afraid to be hurt and as a result puts the entire burden of her emotional needs on my shoulders). She agrees and she says again she is working on that.

So that is really all there is to my post this afternoon. I wanted to get it down before it all fell out of my head.

I think the important take away for me is that my W is starting to think more about her life, her kids, her friends, me perhaps. She is seeing me evolve and she has experienced over the past several days my unconditional love and devotion. Maybe, she is starting to see that there could be something there for both of us.


Ack,(shake my head from side to side). When is it that I am going to Spain again? wink


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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2thepoint - I loved the sermon topic! And I have had a similiar dream as your wife.

In 2003, I was looking for a new church. I visited this one church and fell in love with it. I told myself I would join the next Sunday. That night I had a dream about that church. I can't remember most of it; just me talking about how happy I was to have found this church. The end of the dream is what I remember most. As I was talking about this church in my dream, I felt a presence near me. Then out of nowhere, some kind of animal/monster lunged at my throat, and then I woke up.

I knew then that I had to join this church. I was a member there until I got married and grew so much!


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Wow, she continues to reach out to you when something from the spiritual world gets to her... Her dream does sound creepy, especially that she could feel it was an evil presence.

Your sermon sounds a lot like the talk I had with my friend during my trip. Not sure if you read it, but it's on page one of my most recent thread. It is mainly about how Satan tries to counteract all the good that God puts into our paths, but creating distractions and 'forks' in the road.

I liked her statement that "this is different than 6 months ago"... she's paying attention to you.

It would seem inconceivable that her recent brush with death wouldn't have her reevaluating priorities and the people in her life.... like her old friend and you. You have shown her unconditional love throughout the past 10 days, with no expectations in return... if you can keep up this same approach, I see good things for you.


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
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I completely agree with purg ^^^^^.

She is noticing and her sudden illness has also shaken her.

I hope that it comes to something for her, but don't stand waiting for it. Stay the course and continue focusing on yourself. It has worked so far, right? smile


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D






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Hey 2TP, hope your weekend went OK. Interesting conversations! Glad you all continue to talk. The sermon reminded me of this below so wanted to share:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against ...the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The Apostle Paul.

Hope you have a great week and that you're feeling better too.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
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Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
You guys crack me up!! I suppose its a good thing I never did come up with a list of slang terms for bicycle shorts. Although, there is apparently a reason why they are almost always black in color. wink

=======================

So W is home tonight. She went straight to bed and slept for 3 hours during which time I managed to pull together a delicious chicken dinner for the family to enjoy when she woke up. I think she was shocked. First because I cooked but also because it tasted pretty damn good!

Later I went out to fill several prescriptions her Dr's gave her before leaving the hospital. I was expecting the bill for the prescriptions to total in the hundreds of dollars but thankfully it only came to $95. So I'm relieved since the hospital and ER bills are going to break the bank!

After dinner W goes back to bed. I go in and ask her if she needs anything before she goes to sleep and she asks for a few things which I retrieve for her.

I then tell her, "W, I'm not moving back in. But I will stay as long as you need me." W says thanks. And then I give her a hug and tell her that I am so glad she is home. She starts to cry a little and believe it or not, she actually hugged me back! smile

I think I need a vacation. Who wants to go to Spain? Be sure to bring your speedos! wink


2TP - you really do need some R&R, and deserve it so much. Bring the speedos, the black bike shorts, let them know you're ready for action!

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Originally Posted By: barely floating
just catching up on your sitch. wow! what a roller coaster!

glad your wife is back home and doing better. she must have a lot going on in her mind.

your actions towards your W during this time really moved me. you displayed love, compassion and empathy in the most selfless way. i'm sure your actions didn't go unnoticed (not that you did it to get noticed right wink ).

spain sounds awesome!!! do you have long flowy hair? if not.. maybe you should consider growing it. the image of long flowy hair w/ speedos sounds fantastic!


KInd of like that Fabio guy, right? I'm sure 2TP is in his league.

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Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
Quick post...

Took the boys to church today and part of the sermon was focused on satan, the master manipulator. How satan has had eons of practice to twist and manipulate to achieve his ends which is to drive a wedge between God and man.

This ^^^ will be important later on in my post.

So after we get home, I check in on W who is still in bed but on the phone. I get the kids settled and I head up stairs to lie down for a bit as I'm still a little under the weather.

After awhile, I hear my W rustling about downstairs and then she makes her way upstairs to check on the boys. Eventually she finds her way to the guest bedroom where I am staying. I invite her in and we start talking about this and that. I make room on the bed for her so she can sit down which she accepts.

The whole time she is in the room she is looking around, surveying the landscape. Se tells me that she is very emotional and starts to tear up. I ask her why and she says that this whole life altering event from the last 10 days has really got her shook up.

Then she tells me about a dream she had that really scared her. She says that a man who appeared to be a priest of sorts, (dark clothes, dark hair, maybe white collar) insinuates himself into her dream. She says it was very different than the Baptist minister who paid a visit to her while she was in the hospital.

Then she felt at ease and welcomed this visitor. However in her dream, the visitor seemed more sinister and unwelcome. And it scared her very much.

This is when I told her about this mornings sermon. About how maybe satan sees that you were open to hearing about the word of God when you were at the hospital and how satan sees this and he is now trying to turn you away from your new found understanding of God and religion and that he is trying to drive a wedge between you and God. My W nods in agreement.

I tell her that I thought today's sermon was a little flat but that I always come away with some little nugget of useful information. And W says, like satan in my dream? I said exactly!

So we continue to talk and the topic turns to a former friend of my W's who dumped her in the most cruel way imaginable and how this supposed friend was really just selfish and cruel and manipulative, etc. I ask her why she still holds on to this memory of an event that occurred almost 4 years ago. She said she didn't know but that she was trying to rid herself of this by trying to initiate new friendships.

Then we begin talking about people in general and how often they have certain personality traits that we don't like but sometimes it is best to take the good with the bad and view the person as a whole before casting them aside.

This ^^^ has always been a big problem for my W. For example she has this one acquaintance who on one side is incredibly bossy, very demanding, judgmental and sometimes downright rude. On the other hand, she can also be very sweet and can be one of the most generous people you'll ever want to know.

Or another acquaintance who has an opinion about everything and everyone, and yet is very giving, funny, available, etc.

I tell my W that rather than turn our backs on these people because there may be something about them we don't like, it doesn't make them all bad. And isn't life too short to always cast judgement on others because then we would have no friends and what would life be like without friends?

My W agrees with what I'm saying and then says "this is a very different view than you had 6 months ago. You really are evolving."

I'm not sure who is evolving but maybe we both are.

Then the phone rings and the mood is lost.

Later I go down stairs and ask my W if she would be willing to be friends again with the one who dumped her 4 years ago. She says no. I then asked, then why do you give her so much of your power and energy. She says she is really trying to move on from that and is working on making new friends that will hopefully help her to do just that.

I tell her that it is important that women have friends (this has always been a problem with my W, not very trusting and afraid to be hurt and as a result puts the entire burden of her emotional needs on my shoulders). She agrees and she says again she is working on that.

So that is really all there is to my post this afternoon. I wanted to get it down before it all fell out of my head.

I think the important take away for me is that my W is starting to think more about her life, her kids, her friends, me perhaps. She is seeing me evolve and she has experienced over the past several days my unconditional love and devotion. Maybe, she is starting to see that there could be something there for both of us.


Ack,(shake my head from side to side). When is it that I am going to Spain again? wink


2TP - this is when DB'ing is hardest, when there is hope that the WAS is making gains and maybe working back towards the M. You're W may be experiencing profound changes in her earthly life, and her spiritual life. She's truly in a battle for her soul and you are an angel on earth helping her, but like most of us we do not see or sense the angel's presence always. The hardest thing you and I will ever have to do is right now. Let the one we love the most go, and find their place here on earth, and for us to walk a new uncertain road all the while having faith in the universe.

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2tp,

Spain sounds amazing. I hope you have a fantastic time.

I'm glad to hear your wife is on the mend.

You handled yourself and this situation so admirably. I don't know if your w will even fully understand or appreciate your decision to love her in that moment.

That's up to her and God now.

You just keep moving forward. Know that you did a good thing and keep working on you. Don't worry about if she notices or if this experience has changed anything for her. I know it's hard but try to accept the situation for what it was.

And keep on keeping on.


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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