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Below is the link to my last thread. Links to prior threads are contained in this link as well:

Dark Shadows and Light at the End of the Tunnel

========================================

"Makes me wonder what other surprises are in store for me in the coming weeks and months. And, whether among the dark shadows, there just may be light at the end of the tunnel."

This ^^^^ was the final sentence at the start of my last thread.

So, what other surprises? Well, my W nearly died the other day due to a severe viral pneumonia. And she is not out of the woods yet. Her resting heart rate still averages 140 bpm for 5 days now and the Dr's haven't been able to figure out how to slow it down. She is still in ICU and is being watched very closely by a team of very good Dr's and Nurses. She appears to be in good spirits and otherwise seems to be recovering.

If anyone had told me that in February, I would be caring for my W in a hospital setting, brushing her hair, rubbing her back, giving her kisses on her forehead, helping her dry off from a shower and helping her get dressed in her hospital gown, I would have accused them of smoking crack!

And yet, this is where I find myself.

My W has a long road to recovery ahead of her. She seems completely fine with me assuming the role of caregiver, (kind of surreal considering we are estranged). I have moved back into the house, (at least for the time being). My expectation is that I will need to care for my W at least until she gets back on her feet, (6 weeks or longer!). Of course that could all change if she once again begins to feel smothered by my presence.

On the other hand, one has to wonder if this health crisis isn't an awakening and an opportunity for both for us. I've been able to demonstrate to my W my undying love and devotion in her time of dire need. I have rediscovered my caregivers heart that I knew was always there but rarely did it surface.

And so now a new journey of sorts has begun. Where I'll end up is anyone's guess. What I do see however, among the dark shadows and white light is the potential for new possibilities that I couldn't have even imagined just a few short weeks ago.

And so my journey continues...


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Keep us updated 2, we're thinking and praying for you and your W.


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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Like the new name of your new thread. It does sound like a near death experience though? Was that be design or coincidence?

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When I think about titling my threads I try to incorporate the current state of my thinking.

In my current thread, dark shadows represent several concepts - going dark albeit reluctantly, the occasional darkness of my thinking and the various upsetting and scary events that occur on a routine basis in my sitch.

White light to my mind represents a couple of things - my W's tenuous health crisis, the promise of a better place in the here and now as well as spiritually.

New Possibilities seem to be present in light of the health issues currently facing my W. Maybe we will have an opportunity to move forward in a new and improved R or maybe we will just accept that our R will never improve and move on in different directions. Either one present a new possibility.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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First and foremost I hope for a timely and full recovery for your wife's health.

Not to diminish relationship concerns - I'm certainly in a similar boat relationship wise - but it seems like those would take a bit of a backseat right now. I seem to sense from your writing that you think similarly. I think 'opportunity' is a great choice of words and a very healthy (emotionally
- for YOU) way to look at it.

Fundamentally, you're just doing the RIGHT thing. But down the road it certainly won't HURT things when, down the road, she remembers that you were there for her so unconditionally when she needed you.


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
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I hope for a speedy recovery. My bro had Pneumonia and he did not feel well for about 6 months. Thinking of you and the family


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Thinking of you 2TP,

Glad your W is feeling some better and the road is now to recovery.

You are certainly doing the right, kind and loving thing by taking care of your W at this time. IMHO, for your own mental sanity, keep your expectations in check (and you may be doing that anyway). Enjoy the peace that comes with knowing you are doing what is good and kind and be aware of any expectations you may be building that could impact your own progress.

I'm a little curious and if you don't mind me asking, you had mentioned an OM. Where has he been during all of this?

Take care of yourself as well. You've got a lot of work ahead of you. (And I bet you'll handle it all great!)


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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"I'm a little curious and if you don't mind me asking, you had mentioned an OM. Where has he been during all of this?"

Funny you should ask this ^^^^ CES.

The OM lives out of state so popping in for a visit is not exactly something that is easily achievable.

However, that doesn't mean that the scum is out of the picture. For, as I was folding piles upon piles of laundry, I came across a pair of men's underwear that are of a size and brand that I do not wear.

So while the rat-bastard is not here in person, he appears to be here in spirit.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Grrrrr.... That's the stuff that gets the blood boiling. Hope you're doing OK.

I'm working on assuming the perspective that the OM that my W is attracted to is not competition and not worthy of my time or attention.

It dawned on me the other day that if W were to actually make a move towards OM(to my knowledge, its only been an EA and she's actually close friends with OM's wife), she would truly loose her time as a mom, her close friends (OM's wife & fellow gal-pals). She would also drive a serious wedge in her relations with her own family. That would leave her with just the OM and I am certain, that is not enough to make her happy.

Not sure she'll realize that but its seems pretty obvious to me.

IMO, I think the undies can dissappear in the trash...or bonfire...

No wait, did you see the Steve Martin movie about the large family and the younger kids somehow soaked the underwear of the daughter's boyfriend in meat so that the dogs would attack him? That would be AWESOME!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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Fly in the soup moment here......


2-

What does the best possible outcome of this look like to you ?

What does the worst possible outcome of this look like for you ?



If she would happen to say that she wanted to work on things...


ARE YOU READY FOR THAT ????

Emotionally ready ???

Don't get me wrong, I pray that she recovers quickly, and her health is the #1 issue here...

However, I do see you building expectations right now...

Just remember, that this is your choice ...

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