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#2223861 - 02/21/12 10:01 AM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8419
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Finding the person you're meant to be is fantastic, isn't it?

On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain.~Yoda
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2223869 - 02/21/12 10:14 AM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: labug]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Indeed it is. Still getting used to my "new skin", though it fits better with every passing moment.

I have also learned that I never really shared some of the more intense parts of my past with the wife or anyone else for that matter. Only recently have I opened-up to my IC and a close friend. So wish I had shared those darker parts of my past with W before this all went to heck.

BTW - loving the Yodaisms. wink
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2223935 - 02/21/12 02:16 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Monkey on the loose - not an easy decison but you have worked yourself to a place where you are choosing happiness.

I see you haven't been separated that long in terms of calendar time (as opposed to subjective time which can feel like an eternity). Is you're W in any way showing you the possibilty of working on the M? Can you be happy while still actively standing for your M? Food for thought.

Love the yoda quotes too.

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#2223943 - 02/21/12 02:36 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
I see you haven't been separated that long in terms of calendar time (as opposed to subjective time which can feel like an eternity). Is you're W in any way showing you the possibilty of working on the M? Can you be happy while still actively standing for your M? Food for thought.

I struggle with this Rick. It has not been long at all when looking at the calendar. I find that when "I stand for the marriage" I am often overcome with feelings of futility. Not even the tiniest sign that she interested in even taliking to me let alone working on the M.I am beyond LRT - dark. I don't see it happening. She is beyond any doubt the love of my life - nobody will be able to take her place. I do not blame the W for anything, nevertheless she has made her choice and I have no reason to believe she will have a change of heart.
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2223954 - 02/21/12 03:11 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
Broken74 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/12
Posts: 288
Hey Grmpy,

Man I'm jealous, what better way to GAL than a Mardi Gras expedition... Awesome!!!

Looks like we are coming to the same fork in the road brother (it's dark as night over here), and as you already know we will be just fine either way it pans out. Keep your chin up man you never know what may happen just around the corner!
_________________________
me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!

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#2223963 - 02/21/12 03:46 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
I see you haven't been separated that long in terms of calendar time (as opposed to subjective time which can feel like an eternity). Is you're W in any way showing you the possibilty of working on the M? Can you be happy while still actively standing for your M? Food for thought.

I struggle with this Rick. It has not been long at all when looking at the calendar. I find that when "I stand for the marriage" I am often overcome with feelings of futility. Not even the tiniest sign that she interested in even taliking to me let alone working on the M.I am beyond LRT - dark. I don't see it happening. She is beyond any doubt the love of my life - nobody will be able to take her place. I do not blame the W for anything, nevertheless she has made her choice and I have no reason to believe she will have a change of heart.


You are so strong to truthfully look at yourself, your M, your W and be so openly honest about how you feel. I'm so sorry you have this sitch in your life. Have you ever told her what you you just told me and others here? That you own your contributions to your troubled M, that you see what you you needed to see and have grown, that she is the love of your life? I know the DB world brands that as pursuing but what if it's like Crimson's W, where she thought his distance was by his choice, what he wanted?

I don't know all of your history but I would hate to see you make a decision if you have never told her how you feel. And FWIW, my W treated me like I was Satan and Hitler rolled into one for at least six months. Is there any chance that it's too early to take it off life support?

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#2223998 - 02/21/12 05:23 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: rickb89]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Mnky- I hope you are enjoying the mardi gras celebrations!!

In reference to what Rick said up there^^^^^... I wrote H a letter (after getting advice from Crimson) and I never knew when I was going to give it to him.... well, I discovered that *he* found it (I guess he goes snooping too) while I was gone b/c the paper was folded differently than when I left it.... He's never said anything to me about it specifically- but he made a comment a few days ago: "I know what you're trying to do here..." and then he kissed my forehead- it makes sense now, knowing that he read the letter.

I feel that it's important for the WAS to have all the cards on the table if they are going to make the decision to walk away. At this point, you feel like nothing will ever change her mind.... but if you *do nothing* then that's true. But if you put all your feelings out on the table and let her know that you've accepted your role in the break-up, what do you have to loose?
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2224023 - 02/21/12 06:36 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: purgatory]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Y'all are awesome with the advice and encouragement. Funny thing is, remember back when I had to meet the W to get the papers notarized? I gave the "letter" and conveyed to her my feeling, thoughts, and apologies. She spewed pure venom back at me. I am reluctant to bring this up again. That night I promised myself that I would never allow her to do that to me again. Hence my going way dark. I would like to think that this happend because I approached her too soon. I would like to think that she is missing me and perhaps even doubting her decision. Than again, I would like to be happy and not care what she is thinking about. Does this make sense? Not very good at sharing the feelings..I'm going to give it more time.
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2224077 - 02/21/12 11:17 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
If you had no plans or immediate desire to find another relationship, then cpuld you stay on your path of enlightenment and continue to rebuild your life, all the while giving your M a little more time? I am practicing what I preach here and asking myself the same question.

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#2224083 - 02/21/12 11:47 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
^^^ that's my plan Rick. Today anyway..Lol. I love giving the advice, but I seem to have the patience of a weasel. Weasels are very impatient ya know.
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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