GALing until I'm blue in the face doesn't remove the fact from my mind (and heart) that my H has chosen someone over me.
If this is a deal-breaker for you, then it's a deal-breaker. I've said before in this A sitches, I don't know how I would react, I always thought I knew but I know better than to think in absolutes now.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
GALing until I'm blue in the face doesn't remove the fact from my mind (and heart) that my H has chosen someone over me.
If this is a deal-breaker for you, then it's a deal-breaker. I've said before in this A sitches, I don't know how I would react, I always thought I knew but I know better than to think in absolutes now.
I honestly don't think it's a dealbreaker for me yet. If it continues for too much longer, it probably will be. Does that even make sense?
I know exactly how you feel. Everyone reaches a point when enough is enough, and that point is different for everyone.
If you can find the strength to keep going and to see the value in it, then you should do what you can.
It is so hard to do though. It's so hard to just sit back and let the WAS do whatever they want, be selfish and disrespectful. Everyone keeps saying to detach, but it makes it so much more harder when there is an OP involved. We seem to get distracted by the OP, because what everyone says is that OP is just a symptom. But what if the symptom is hurtful?
I wish the best for you, RoRo. I hope you can find the strength to keep going.
Came home and as soon as I saw H the dam broke. Get your 2x4s, 6x8s, & 8x10s ready.
I told him I wasn't sure how to say this so I was just going to say it. I told him that I was having a hard time with the amount of disrespect he is showing me by cheating on me basically in my face. That the person I married was someone I thought would not do that. I told him that while he may disagree nothing I have ever done warranted him cheating on me. I said I'm sure OW wouldn't agree either. I said but I'm sure he told her a completely different story than what we were living. Because happily married people don't cheat. He says Happily married? I said "I" thought we were happily married. I dudn't know what he was because he wasn't talking to me.
I told him I've been trying to deal with our sitch and believe our M can work, but it's hard when he's knowingly cheating and hurting me and doesn't seem to care. He said he does care and I don't deserve this. That he's struggled with his A. He says he knows I'm thinking so why not give it up? I said basically, but he had no reply.
I told him I still believed in our M and thought we could work, but having a hard time with the blatant disrespect. I said that was it and left the room to go cry. He hears me in the bathroom (with the fan on) and calls to me. I finally pull myself together. He's just sitting on the bed looking at me. I tell him he can go to the store like he was on his way to. That I'll be fine...like I always am.
He just went to the store to get buns. He's probably wondering what he's coming back to. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. Now to get thru the rest of tonight...I can't stop crying.
I am not the best at holding it in, as exampled in my previous posts.
But here's what I've learned: now that you've said your piece, STFU. Don't bring it up again. When he comes home, be pulled together and don't look mopey (easier said than done.) Only talk about it IF he brings it up. Otherwise, make yourself busy- don't follow him around, or sit I the couch pathetically.
He needs a chance to let this sit in his head.
Find a song(s) that uplift you, I personally love Michael Jackson for these such times
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
I agree with Purg, so you let it out now let it be. Pull yourself together and show him how strong you have become. He doesn't deserve you but give him a glimpse of the person he d@mn well better start fighting for befode its to late!
Roro pick yourself up and dust off. K. You are dealing with a crappy sitch. It is ok to make mistakes but it is not if u don't learn from it. Lets try again
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I may not be the best person to give you advice as I'm sort of in your shoes. I know a lot of people would say don't let him see how much you're hurting, but I say it's ok for him to see it, to remind him that what he's doing is wrong. You've been building up this hurt over time and sometimes we need to let things out.
But I agree, now that it's out, let him stew on it. I'd say get out of his way tonight. You don't need to act like you're happy and ok again.
FWIW, if the whole pursuer/distancer thing works, you letting him know that you're not ok and pulling back should make him pull towards you.
