First off- labug's comment made me laugh to where I almost cried, just sayin'!!
To me, Unconditional love is choosing to continue loving your spouse in spite of their faults. It's choosing to *give* even if you don't receive. But there does come a point when you can choose to walk away for your own sanity and dignity, but it doesn't mean you stop loving them.
Example: let's go with the assumption that parents love their children unconditionally, agreed? Ok, so if one of your S became addicted to drugs and went on a downward spiral- taking his health to the gutter, stealing your money and belongings to finance his habit, abandoning all relationships with his loved ones and basically having no regard for himself- to the point that you have to separate yourself from their life to protect yourself from the pain of watching him slowly kill himself (and I know this would never happen so please don't think that I think your kids are capable of this... They all seem like wonderful kids (even the one who threw the crazy party but I digress...) Would you 'love' them any less?
Just b/c you decide to give yourself permission to move on from this M, doesn't mean you've forsaken your vows or that you have let down the man upstairs. You can love just as strongly from afar. The simple fact that you've put up with this as long as you have already- proves that you knew what you were saying when you vowed "for better or for worse" and "in sickness and in health".
You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Only you can feel when this sitch has drained too much from you and when you need to step back so you can be fulfilled again. Did you ever think that you would still be 'fighting' for your M this long after the bomb? You don't have to prove if you have the strength to stand for you M, been there, done that.
I think prayers and/or meditation will hopefully illuminate which path you're supposed to take right now. The only person you have to worry about answering to, is yourself. Because regardless of who you share the rest of your days with, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. I know that I wouldn't want to make any choices that would haunt me everytime I looked in the mirror or laid down at night.
You've given yourself lots of time and energy contemplating your next move.... But you're still not ready to throw in the towel. You've given half your life to this M and your W- it's no small task to decide to leave that behind. I "tipped my hat" to you earlier b/c I admire and respect *how* much thought and reflection you've already given to your sitch, and that you continue to do so.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Starting a new thread "DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5). Yes, Mach in many ways I am feeling better as this thread ends, lots of confusion and weighing things, but better overall. Mission accomplished to a degree.