I am in agreement. I am really not suspicious of SDA lady either. In fact - I DO think she is good for you. I just worry that you are conforming to fit exactly what she wants rather than what you want.
And I agree with every word verbatim that Gineen just wrote about how casually you thought you'd share a room and tell SDA lady that. Those are my REAL concerns. If I were SDA lady and you told me that - I'd BAIL QUICK -unless I relished the idea of spending every Christmas and holiday with you AND your ex.
Folks, my comment about telling SDA Lady I'd share a room with ex was meant to be tongue in cheek. My point, which was poorly made, was that my situation has changed and I need to think these things through now. I have no intention of spending the night with her, if I was a lady and my bf told me that I'd be freaked out too! I'll ask my Mom to come and she can share the room with me. Hey, I think my R with SDA Lady is going just fine. I don't "blame" anything on her Filipino background cuz there's nothing to lay blame for! I'm OK with things. I share with you guys not to "prove" that she is the "one" but because I'm joyful at having someone who seems to have such an appreciation for me. That's so new to me and I want to share it. It makes me happy! If our R doesn't grow in certain ways in a matter of time then there's something to be dealt with. But now, I'm OK with snuggling, kissing on the cheek, holding hands etc. It's nice. As far as my "sick" R with ex-wife. I resent the comment. I've discussed it before and am no longer willing to discuss it again. We'll agree to disagree. I'll just say, that when someone else enters your life, yes, things will change. So, relax everybody, I'm OK.
FWIW Wii I think she sounds like a good fit and I'm not nearly as suspicious as the others.
...and thanks KML. We get along really well and enjoy talking and being together. That feels really special. Sure there are things I need to learn and am probably screwing up in some ways but I haven't done this in over 20 years! Actually, last week at my apartment SDA Lady and I both talked about how it feels to be with someone again after such a long time. We sat with our arms wrapped around each other, snuggling and shared. She also talks to me about her ex-spouse and issues of the past and present, but none of that is a predominant part of any conversation with either of us. It's all a work in progress. Will it fly or will it crash? Who knows but I do know that I can't control what she feels or the way she responds to this either. If it doesn't work out it's not necessarily my fault. I'm doing my best to be an open, honest, and caring partner and I feel she is too. Where it leads, we'll see.
Hey, I'm not suspicious of SDA either. Who is? She sounds like a warm, caring, happy person who is a good match too. As for physical intimacy, the important thing is not to extinguish the spark by not fanning the fire. As long as sexual tension is increasing, things are going in a good direction. If repetition without increased intimacy starts to decrease sexual tension, that's when you are headed toward siblinghood rather than romance. Only you are there to see whether anticipation is building or passion is being stomped out.
Wii, *very glad* you were kidding about sharing a room with XW. It certainly did not sound at all like you were kidding in your original post or your reply to me, which is why you got such a strong reaction from folks. Indeed, it would be pretty natural for you to think about sharing a room as that is what you would have done until a few weeks ago. It takes time to complete an emotional D, it takes time to learn to be someone else. That's just how it is. It has sounded as though you finally recognized that you weren't as emotionally D as you thought you were. That's progress. You are definitely moving forward. You are also in the beginnings of a new R with someone who seems good for you before your emotional D is entirely complete. Perhaps it would be nice if you were more cleanly emotionally D from XW, but that's not where you are. So, just keep that in mind and be very aware and conscious of how you interact with XW. Here's a question to ask yourself as you learn to be you: would I do X with neighbor's W? If not, then X is probably not good to do with XW.
In any case, still, resist the urge to make a similar joke with SDA ;-)
(BTW, I don't think anyone said your R with XW is "sick." So, not sure where that is coming from.)
Sorry OT, on second read I don't know where I got the "sick" R from either! But yes, my R with ex will have to change especially if someone else remains in the picture. I've never said it wouldn't or shouldn't, it has just never been an issue before. Now, it must be dealt with. As for my original remark re telling SDA Lady about spending the night in the same hotel room with ex, it was meant to be a sarcastic remark but sarcasm sometimes doesn't always play that way in cyberspace lol. Hey, maybe they should have a symbol for "sarcastic" like they do for laughter etc. Also, I liked what you wrote about the romance aspect. Indeed the last few weeks we have had more and more physical contact. She initiates touching and holding as much as I do, which is nice. She even likes to hold and stroke my hand while I'm driving! Last week we sat on the couch holding each other and stroking each other and our feet were entangled on the inn table, it felt very intimate. Again, she comes from a culture where keeping physical contact to a minimum for a much longer period than ours is expected. If you are too intimate too early, you are a slut. She probably thinks she's gone way beyond where she's supposed to be and I'm saying "hey, when do we start necking?" She asked me to tell her more about how dating works in my culture because she doesn't know. That's why her gf was telling her she can't date like she's still in the Philippines. She suggested last week that we come back to my apartment and watch a movie together soon. She said, "I don't care what we do, as long as we're together" So, I have to give her time, she's never dated a non-Filipino before. I know that she's telling her friends about me and she's getting teased about having a bf. So, we'll see and, as others have said, I need to make my needs known. As far as my ability to read signals, I look at the signals SDA Lady gives me compared to MM and there are huge differences...thank God lol! SDA Lady tells me how sweet I am, doesn't swat away my attempts to talk romantically with sarcastic remarks. SDA Lady wants and initiates touch and holding hands whereas MM pulled away. SDA Lady says, when I ask her about doing something together, "if it's Sunday, it's always your day" where MM would say "I'll check with my roommates about the weekend and we'll see". SDA Lady says "I care a lot about you, Whatis" If she feels something about me, she says it. There's no thoughts in my head about what this meant or what that meant, SDA Lady is pretty clear. Now, it could all change just like any R but right now, it's pretty darn nice. Is she just comfort food? I have no idea how to answer that. It is what it is and what it will be, who knows.
Sorry. I think I went a bit overboard. I DO think SDA lady is a good fit for you. But no way did I think you were kidding about A) getting room with ex or B) telling SDA Lady. It's nothing to joke about when it is so close to how things were most recently. Most of us would have no idea you were joking.
But whatever... I think I was a bit harsh so please forgive me. Just want what's best for you.
Thanks Barb, "I can't wait to tell SDA Lady..." was the sarcasm. I was suddenly in a position where I had to figure out what to do! Last year in Windsor we did stay in the same room and it was fine. But, this year, there's no way that would be OK. I wouldn't lay that on SDA Lady, it wouldn't be fair. Anyway, thanks for saying she is a good fit. We both care about each other and go out of our way to show it. I told her once jokingly, "we'll probably nice each other to death" This lady makes me feel cared about. We also seem to be able to talk and laugh together for ages. I've never been a phone guy but with her I smile the whole time I'm talking with her. That is so nice. She has a great sense of humour and loves my humour! She always tells me what things I've said that make her laugh so much. When we talk on the phone, there is always a joyful sound in her voice, she's happy! She's told me "I'm so happy to be with you, Whatis" When I brought up sex last week, we talked about it...she didn't just say "ooh, that's uncomfortable, let's not go there" she asked how things are done here, she was open to me. We talked. Well, I'm sure there's a dark side, we all have it but that will come out with time. How far she can adapt to my culture is yet to be seen but I will also be patient and respect where she's from too.
Btw, when I first started dating Voldy, she wouldn't let me kiss her for a month, not even on the cheek. I couldn't walk her to a friends place because someone might see us. Voldy once told me that a friend of hers was getting married and Voldy didn't even know she had a bf. Apparently, that is not uncommon in HK. It's similar sh!t here. But, SDA Lady is letting me hold her hand, hug her, kiss her cheek and she kisses mine, snuggle on the couch and she's telling her friends and family about me... that is a lot in Asian culture whether we recognize it or not. So, I've been here before and that's why I believe the best is yet to come! If I'm wrong, I'm wrong...it's happened before lol.
