You've gotten as far as her great great grandfather? Wow, you guys do talk.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes, we do! Tonight we were talking and she asked me whether STBX had talked to me about the girls again. During our conversation SDA Lady said "Whatis, I care about you a lot, but I don't want our plans to interfere with your R with your girls. Maybe STBX is worried that they miss you and want to have dinner with you on those Sunday's they are with you. You know I care about you and want to be with you but I care about your girls too..." I told her that I appreciated her concern and that her caring nature was one of the reasons I cared for her so much. Once more I reassured her that my girls are fine, that the R I have with them is also fine and if our plans interfered with that, I wouldn't make them! We have dinner together most nights that they are here. I told her not to let STBX bother her, this has nothing to do with the girls, it's all about her. She told me she was glad to hear that but that she would be willing give up our dinners on the nights my girls were with me, if that would help the situation. She told me how much she liked me and wanted to be with me but my girls have to come first. Again, I told her that everything was fine. From now on I keep STBX's nonsense to myself. SDA Lady doesn't need my idiot soon to be ex wife yanking her Mommy wire. She's a lady who undoubtedly feels her own guilt about being away from her daughter and any hint that she may be interfering with my daughters R with me is a very powerful emotion. The more I get to know this lady the more I grow to care about her. She's a gem.
There were a lot of BUTS in that last conversation. Be careful. We all warned you not to mention your R with STBX to new woman but you've done it more than once. We also warned you not to mention your R with new woman to STBX but you had to share that too. This was inevitable. Now STOP! Returning your D's call during your date was one thing but phoning or texting EX? That's DRAMA! IMHO - cel phones don't belong on dates.
Don't set yourself up for drama. Keep your business to yourself. I get the feeling new woman is getting a little scared. Just a little. Focus on the good things you've got going but don't suffocate her. Have you gone a day without calls/texts? It's great to get that connection and keep it going but you don't want it to be excessive.
Just a suggestion but how about some wise words from Elvis:
"A little less talk, a little more action". Hmmm...
Anyway - Happy Valentines Day to you and I hope you and she can continue on your merry path.
Barb, I called STBX because she was to drop them at my apartment and when I couldn't get daughter and couldn't get anyone at my apartment I was concerned. That's the only time I've ever called STBX while out with SDA Lady. As for her being scared... nah. She's very conscious of family. The first time I suggested we have dinner after our outing she asked whether I needed to be with my girls. Last night I did ask the girls, I thought it's best to not assume what people think. They told me they would like me home for Sunday dinner. So, that's what I'll do. On the weekends I have daughters SDA Lady and I will have an afternoon outing, maybe lunch instead and I will have dinner with the girls. As far as excessive calls/texts we both like what is happening and talked about it last night. We're both happy with the contact and take an equal share in making it happen. She really is just worried that my girls are not getting my attention on those Sundays. My assumption was that the girls were big enough that not having Dad for dinner two Sunday night per month was no biggie. Guess I'm wrong.
Thanks G, I didn't want to let the fact that STBX was bringing it up in her usual angry, smash you in the face way stop me from verifying with my girls, so I asked. SDA Lady said she was very happy with me, wanted to be with me but also didn't want my girls to feel neglected because of our plans. So, I went right to the source. So, we'll adjust our outing schedule. This is a big adjustment for the girls and yes, they want me to be happy but they also aren't used to Dad having someone in his life. Now, someone else is getting his attention...and it's not their Mom. Lots of stuff comes up. SDA Lady and I are trying to feel our way through the beginnings of a R, so this is all new stuff all round. I'm glad that her and I are able to talk about what is happening, that she was able to say what her concerns were while at the same time re-assuring me that she wanted to be with me. We'll all learn and move forward together. As you said, at some point, in a few months maybe, SDA Lady can join us for a Sunday meal but that's for the future, not now.
Btw, I think the fact that SDA Lady is thinking about my children's need to spend time with Dad rather than her own need to spend time with me speaks volumes about this lady!
I just finished dinner with the girls. I told them that I've decided to come home and have dinner with them on the Sunday's that they are here. They said "Why Daddy? don't do that, go out with SDA Lady" "We eat together six nights a week already, what's one day!" "We've been thinking about what we said and it was a little unfair, you only have one day to see SDA Lady so it's OK with us" It was finally suggested that one of the two weeks I have dinner at home and the next go out. I said I would give the matter more thought. I don't know anymore, just friggin' shoot me...it'll be easier that way!
