I've gotta be honest... This no contact thing is so hard. W has been out of the house -and out of my life- since the 1st of March. Just three text message interactions. They were nice on her part, but there is so much I want to say to her. How long do I go with no contact? This is just really difficult.
So my W text yesterday to say she was thinking of me, then again tonight with some tax questions, as she's taking care of our taxes this year. Simple enough and now I need to sign some papers. She said she could fax them to me or we could meet up. I said whatever is easiest. She said she wanted to meet up after work in a few days. So this will be the first time we've seen each other since she moved out over two weeks ago. And the first time we've actually spoken. I am a bit nervous about this. I hope I can avoid talk about the M. it is just going to be very hard with all of the thoughts that have gone through my head. But i do feel the 180s have made a difference, as she's initiated communication and since she wanted to meet in person next week. Hope we are on the right track.
Last Thursday, my W text me about signing some tax documents. She wanted to meet up for dinner, to which I agreed. I was going into the dinner very loose, trying to keep the conversation light. (Seemed hard since I had not seen her -or spoken to her- in 3 weeks). She walked in a greeted me with an amazing hug. Through dinner, she explained what a hard time she was having, how she missed me, how she thought of me, how she felt "we weren't done yet." She noticed I was not wearing my ring (she still was), and this made her emotional. My reply was "I'm sorry if this hurts you, but you decided to separate from me. I'm still married, I'm just not IN a marriage right now." (Not sure if that was the right thing to say or not but that's what I said).
We had a very nice dinner. Full of laughing, good conversation, good times. It felt like it did the first time we went out years ago. She felt it too. I didn't address our future or even our marriage. We stayed out talking for 4 hours and ended the night with an amazing kiss (several actually). She said "all I need to know is when I will see you again."
Since then, we've exchanged a few texts, all very nice.
So the 180 (no-contact) has absolutely worked, so far. Now I'm concerned about what I need to do next. My goal is to get this marriage going again, but I can't fall back into my ways of being her doormat. She commented a number of times about how good and happy I looked. How I seemed to be handling everything so well. And she questioned if there would be room for her in my life. Again, the tables have seemed to turn here.
But I really don't want to play games. I want to get this marriage back on track, without rushing into anything. We've only been apart three weeks, though emotionally we've been apart a good 6-12 months. So while the results of the 180 have been incredibly positive, I'm just unsure of the next step. I miss her like crazy now, moreso than before seeing her a few nights ago. I just need advice on the next prudent step.
