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no more R talk, just GAL, 180s and forward progress.

Be a man only a fool would leave.

Go see the comic with a friend but let her know, indirectly perhaps, that you went...

or if she reaches out more then invite her. But do it without any expectations.

Please write out some of your 180s to keep me informed AND YOU on track...


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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witz10 Offline OP
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25 I am concentrating as much as possible on ME. I was out all weekend.
As for the comic she asked I told her I am looking into tickets. The option is there for her. If she doesn't want to go then I will go and enjoy myself.
She tagged herself in a pic of my kids I have on my facebook page. She looked at it today even though its been up for a while. She checked out my page to see what I did this weekend I think.

180's
Still waiting to hear back for volunteering
concentrating on my diet and workouts for the triathlon and looking into more races
Got a call from a job today and waiting to hear back for another interview later on today
I haven't done this in a long time but making plans to go with a friend to the gun range. I have not done this since going with my father when I was a teenager.
Picked up some tickets for a concert in April as well
Spoke with my brother last night about making summer plans for the shore.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
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Gabby

Your right I might have gotten them up. After we left lunch I just thought this was a good baby step and that's all it was. I guess hearing that set me back some. But after some thought I got over it and have to move forward. There are still some baby steps to take. We are just walking two separate paths that may or may not cross.
This happened a little today. We have been chatting all day on aim joking with each other then she emails me financial questions. Which sent mood down some. But this is what needs to get done. Her comment was Tell me your thoughts on how to work this. For right now since alot is up in the air we just have to work things out the best we can.
We are compromising well and dividing up what needs to be. Still all [censored]. Both of us are going to be hurting when all is said and done. If I change jobs then I will be hurting more. Looking at a pay cut.

I feel I am ready to start talking with another woman. I am still emotionally attached to my W. I just miss the contact sitting and talking with someone for hours. Obviously she is the one I want to sit and talk with but that's not happening.
I don't want revenge because honestly I am not really seeing anyone on the sites that is as pretty as my W. The women that are contacting me I am not interested in and the ones I contact don't get back to me. I admit I am ok looking but my W is very pretty and is in great shape for have 2 kids.
Whole sitch stinks and this is my life now. I am coming out of this a better man just need to find that certain someone again or them to find me.
Now I am just babbling. So done.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
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witz10 Offline OP
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Thank you for the words Gabby. I really want to be with someone but your right I keep comparing them to her. I think I am looking for something along the way of how our relationship started. Which was friendship first. Funny how she and I can chit chat and then she gets quiet like she is starting to warm up to me she turns the other way.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
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witz10 Offline OP
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25 sorry I missed this question
give me a timeline for all this please. When did the m start changing for the worse and when did you get the bomb?
I am guessing everything changed for me after my daughter was born end of July 2008. I looked at her and we had to figure out how we were going to afford her. We were still in our condo. The idea was we would buy the condo and then sell it in a few years to buy a house. Well after we bought the condo prices dropped and we were underwater with it. Still stuck with it now.
We lost the romance around that point. I took a pay cut at the office to "benefit the whole family." The only benefit I got was being able to take my daughter to the office with me everyday. The office was the daycare for her, so in all honesty by working for my family at that stage saved us money on daycare for her. My son was in daycare for half days. So we still had 2 incomes coming in. Plus all our bills we accumulated from living in Los Angeles.
We rarely went out, nights we would sit on the couch and watch tv. Granted she always had one leg draped over me I would rub or rest my hand on. But it was around this time that I would stay up late to be by myself and watch tv.
At one point I guess in late 2009 or early 2010 we got into an argument and she wanted to do couples therapy. I was fine with that. She even said why not call my rabbi and talk with him. I did and spoke with him one time and then let it go. We never brought it up again till February 2011. I thought everything was fine. I worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs she worked her 2 jobs. We had the schedule working out. We spent really not a lot of time together.
We went out for Valentines dinner February 11, 2011. We went to dinner we had a gift card to a restaurant. We had little money in our account and I had $3 on me. We covered the entire meal with the gift card and I had to leave the $3 for tip. Now I am not cheap I always tip at least 20%. We really didn't have a lot of conversation at dinner then we got into a argument that night at home. Kids were sleeping over at grandparents.
After that point we went to couples therapy for 5 sessions. She wrote me a letter I still have and after reading that it made me aware of the problems and I was slowly fixing them. She still kept saying she wanted a separation cause she was so angry from all the years of acting like this. The therapist told her it was premature and to hold off. We then stopped going to this therapist.
Now my wife also has issues with this cause she kept saying our relationship was like her parents. Her dad goes to the moose lodge and drinks most nights while her mother stays home and watches tv. My W on Friday nigths would go out with her girlfriends and then come home to me sitting on the couch. Now Saturday night I would work she would go hang with neighbors. I would go over there when I got home from work. But she felt like we were modeling her parents. Also when she was a little girl her mom would send her to the bar to go get her father and bring him home for dinner. So she has had to be the grownup for quite some time.
In our relationship when it was falling apart I was letting her make every decision. Dinner, how much to spend on things, kids, etc. We became more roommates and she felt like I was another child to take care of.

Pretty much it in a nutshell.

Over the summer my therapist was away and I went to another one to just get an opinion. He asked me if she and I were to get back together what is to prevent me from this happening again. I told him ME. I will remember all this for the rest of my life and make damn sure this will never happen again with her or with anyone else.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
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25 I also forgot. One night we were at my mothers house. It was a family dinner or something. My sister and brother in law were separated. My W and my brother got into an argument regarding my brother in laws mental state and quitting his job. She was stating he was depressed and needed to be on meds. My brother was saying that she didn't know what she was saying and he should be fine just suck up whatever was wrong and work it out. My brother was insulting my W because she is a psychologist and can recognize the signs. Now I did put a stop to it so we could leave and go home. My brother did come outside and apologize to my W for the argument. The next day he asked me if everything was ok with my W. I told him NO and ripped him apart, cause he thinks he knows everything and how he insulted her to her face.
She thinks because I didn't say anything that night in front of her that I didn't protect her and she no longer felt safe in front of my family. In hind sight she is right but I did talk with him the next day and I don't know if she believes me or not.

On another tangent. Got a face to face interview next Tuesday with Aetna to work in there call center. Of course, my luck, my W sends me the typed breakdown of what is being paid. I don't know if I can afford to leave my families business. I will have to make it work though cause I do need something new. My life feels slightly stagnant.

At dinner on Monday my mom questioned if I should leave, again looking at the benefit of the whole family. I told her how can I still work in a place that I hold a grudge against everyday I walk through the door, knowing full well that this is part of why I am in my current predicament. I take blame for not asking for help in the past from them and being afraid to ask for extra money. I stayed even though my W asked me to find other work. Because of this I don't get to put my kids to bed every night or see them every morning. Not what I want. From typing that I guess I made up my mind that I need this new job.

Shoot for National Geographic fell through. Somehow a miscommunication on there part. So I get to see my kids for the next 4 days.


M37 W34
S6
D3
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S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
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"My W and my brother got into an argument regarding my brother in laws mental state and quitting his job. She was stating he was depressed and needed to be on meds. My brother was saying that she didn't know what she was saying and he should be fine just suck up whatever was wrong and work it out."

While your brother was wrong to insult your W, she shouldn't have brought out his mental state in public. If she is the professional you claim she is, then she should know that she might get that kind of reception. Lets put it this way, if someone called you "depressed" and said you needed to be on meds, would you honestly listen to them?

I can see why your brother was acting the way he was. You should have also talked to your W and told her not to confront your brother the way she did. Just because she has a degree doesn't make her perfect. Oh wait a minute, she has a degree and walked out on her marriage. Doesn't sound like much of a professional to me.

"I stayed even though my W asked me to find other work. Because of this I don't get to put my kids to bed every night or see them every morning."

Bullsh*t. You're still doing and saying alot of things to appease your W even though she's not in the picture. Did you like working there? If so, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. If not, then it's your fault for not getting something better. Accept the situation for what it is and make things better. The past is the past.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Hey Witz

I salute you for hanging in there even with the knowledge that there is indeed OM. I could not and would not do that - btw I don not see my stance on that as a good thing.

The dating thing. I did that too. Man, it was awesome to see all the emails and "winks" I was getting. I even went on a date. Guess what? It svcked!It svcked because we are not ready yet I promise you. Mine lasted twenty minutes before I excused myself, apologized, and went home. My date took it pretty hard too. Don't do it. If you really think you must, be TOTALLY forthcoming and tell this person what is going on in your life before you actually meet her in person. Devil's Advocate for a second_ if you do this and you still hit it off as friends, maybe that's what you need to let your W go. However, as long as you still carry the fire for your W, do not get involved with OW. I did and it was counter productive and set me back emotionally.


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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Witz, I hope your interview with Aetna goes well. I believe you said that you were unhappy in your family business, separate from your W's feelings on this. So if that is true, you are making a good step for yourself. It may be a change that you need right now.

Take care!!


-Autumn

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While your brother was wrong to insult your W, she shouldn't have brought out his mental state in public. If she is the professional you claim she is, then she should know that she might get that kind of reception. Lets put it this way, if someone called you "depressed" and said you needed to be on meds, would you honestly listen to them?

The argument was regarding my Brother in Law and his mental state. To be honest yea he needed to talk with someone and when he has in the past he clams up and doesn't say anything. His doctor has prescribed Depression meds for him. My brother is the type of person who has to be right about everything, thats his problem. My W handled this in a her opinion type of way from what I remember. She said he should be....

I can see why your brother was acting the way he was. You should have also talked to your W and told her not to confront your brother the way she did. Just because she has a degree doesn't make her perfect. Oh wait a minute, she has a degree and walked out on her marriage. Doesn't sound like much of a professional to me.
True and ouch. Why I find it ironic that 90% of her clients at her private practice are separated.

"I stayed even though my W asked me to find other work. Because of this I don't get to put my kids to bed every night or see them every morning."

Bullsh*t. You're still doing and saying alot of things to appease your W even though she's not in the picture. Did you like working there? If so, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. If not, then it's your fault for not getting something better. Accept the situation for what it is and make things better. The past is the past. [/quote]

She wanted me to leave and asked me in the past. I tried to find other work in my field which is not steady when you do freelance film. So I stayed out of convenience. I hate this type of work and I am looking for something else. I have an interview next week with Aetna.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
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