Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Gabby I realized something this morning. My W is with OM but they don't go out. She stays in every weekend and hang out with people in the building. Even when she doesn't have kids. I have so many ideas now for things for us to do and share time with and without kids. It is sad to me really. Like I said I see things differently and I DO want to reconcile and be the MAN/HUSBAND that she deserves. I have even thought about giving her a thank you card. To be honest without this happening I would not be the more confident more adventurous person I am now. My brother snapped at me at the office yesterday, old me would have not said anything instead I snapped back and he apologized later on. 8 months ago I would have been quiet and not said a single thing. This is a new me for 2012 and I am here to stay. She planted the seed for the triathlon and I am started last night training for it in a way. This is my first week and I plan on following through with this. I have 21 weeks to get it in gear.

Now do I give her a card thanking her for the changes I have made. In a way it is her doing but MY undertaking. I know redundant. The way I look at it though if we were still together I would just be living a boring life. A few months back she said I was 37 years old and not going to change and she can't change me. Well guess what, by going through all this she has. I don't want to make her aware of it and I am not saying she has noticed. Just a thought.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Originally Posted By: witz10
Mrbond, she knows how much i want to be a family again. She mentioned this in her email to me last week.She is worried that my family would influence me if they found out about om. I then told her I am not happy about this guy and I know she deserves better and yea I said it in regards to me.

[meaning YOU would now treat her better or what? Also I think her comment about your family's opinion is telling. Do they offer unsolicited opinions to you about the situation? It's not helpful.] I told her that I am have not asked for my families opinions on these matters at all. Even if they offer I do not listen all decisions are mine and mine alone. As the saying goes opinions are like assholes everyone has one and my family when all this was going on were opinionated.

[You want to keep the road home, paved and smooth.
It'll already be hard enough as it is.]
Yes it is but I see paving work being done.

It was a good conversation felt like old times when we lived in california. Part of me wants to take this little snowball anf cast it down the hill and watch it grow.

[it's okay to want this^^^...but keep it to yourself for now. Let her believe you see SOME upsides to being single and that you are happy contented man now, with or without her.]
Good call don't want to push hard and look needy.

No one is attracted to morose depressed people who depend on others for their happiness...she knows you want it to work with her but it's GOOD if she thinks you've had an awakening...

[I'd keep ALL discussions about dating, an off limits mystery to her.
And if not - if you feel compelled to admit , interest in it or posting on a dating site- don't tell her you are having trouble finding someone...sheesh...] This came out she initiated the conversation. She brought it up first I was not going to say anything. The part I liked was when she couldn't believe the women that were emailing me. Not my type and she said can she put a recommendation up there. She also said the pic I chose was a good one when she asked what I was using. She liked that one.

[and tell her you don't want to hear about OM unless it's over, and you promise not to tell her about your "new lady friends"...] I don't ask about the putz or what she is doing. None of my business. I treat her like I did back before we were dating just two friends talking that have something there.

let her wonder if they exist and don't tell her they don't.

This is setting/enforcing a boundary and it's fair to both of you. And appropriate.

I want to tell her I enjoyed conversing with her. I want to get tickets to a comedy show and see if she wants to go with me. I am just not sure i should. Its all baby steps now.


if you do anything with her, this^^^ is a good idea.

[You may have to rent a comedy first, just to build up slowly starting with relaxed interactions. How open does she seem to this?] I don't think she would be comfortable sitting with me and watching a movie right now. Especially in our home and if the kids were there. Might give them the wrong impression as well.

Does she seem open to that? Are you only getting contacted for business issues?
This is the tough part. She wants us to communicate more. But I am not sure what I can ask her or how to approach her. All the text we did yesterday was about kids and gymnastics or my son going ice skating. He paid for his teachers hot chocolates which I thought was really cute.

I plan on staying her husband.
At lunch we were talking about races and the triathlon she is doing in May and she planted the seed that I should do it as well. Now i have been thinking of doing this. If anything the training will help me get in better shape.


IF SHE SAID you ought to do it too....I'd consider that an invite. And do it.
I am doing this and have started training. Did a good bike ride yesterday. Also got info about the pool at the gym for us and some other info. I relayed it all to her.


I did the last resort technique as best i could. I let her contact me, which she does every morning around the same time. Either email letter or some link she will send me. She wants us to communicate more.


it seems so. cool



From the convo yesterday I do get the feeling she misses me/us. I do think it might be a matter of time. There was no talk of D we just settled finances.

but not the r?
Just in the past and how everything that happened is exactly how it was written in the books.

When we spoke about dating

who brought ^^this up? Don't let it be you.
HER


I told her I have not gone on any dates tired

and she said she didn't want to know anything. I think she doesn't want to know because part of her doesn't want me to date.


of course she does not want to know - who would?

But let her worry some! You don't need to keep telling her you are, in effect, waiting for her to come home and you will keep waiting--b/c what's the motivation for her to hurry home?

She can take ALL the time she wants b/c she knows you are there for her....forever...if need be.

how does that help you? Doesn't I need to live as well.

Otherwise there are several positive baby steps I think.
Thank you I will be honest I was waiting to hear back from you. Thank you for the positive feed back. My bruises from the 2x4 are gone. HAHAHA


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Gmom thanks the card was just an fleeting idea at the time. Thank you for the advice your right.

I got an email from a ticket site that a comedian that my W and I went to see before everything happened is coming back to Philly. He is here on a night she works late and I have kids. I instant messaged her and asked her if she would like to go. She got back to me after a little and said Thursdays were hard with work. But are there tickets for another comedian that is also coming to philly. I looked and there are seats available, the ironic thing is he is here on the 10 year anniversary of our engagement. Fortuitous chance. Now I have to go and see what credit card I can use to pick up tickets. So many good shows coming to my area.

On a side note if Ralphie May is coming to your area or Gabriel Iglesias go see them. Ralphie puts on a 2 hour show and Fluffy is really funny. Well worth the money spent.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
didn't know you were close to philadelphia...

check out a workshop called Essential Experience (EE for short)

it was life changing for us and quite profound.

Not weird or culty either, in fact tax deductible. Well worth it. They have a website but they are currently, I believe only in Philly...

Changed our lives for the better in a permanent way. Nothing else compares except maybe Retrovaille but EE is something you can do on your own. IN fact I recommend that. And it's very deep. You can't BS it and you can't leave there without changing.

(( ))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
25 you had mentioned this to me in a previous post. I looked into and they have one next week infact, but i was unable to get in. I am looking at the one in april. Thanks again


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
I picked up my tickets for the comedian on april 13. Out 10 year engagement anniversary. I haven't told her I have tickets. I figure if I ask her whats the worst she can say no. I will still go and enjoy myself with a friend. She also sent me an email from a group that is coming here and putting out a new album next week. This is someone that neither of us have seen and I mentioned to her I want to get tickets and would she like to go. I never got an answer. I told her I was going to pick up tickets either tomorrow or next week. So again if she wants to go with me she is more then welcome if not I will find someone else to go.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
complete opposite end of the spectrum. I was doing really good for a while now. Then i picked my kids up tonight and asked them what they did last night.
First yesterday my daughter had to get the tubes taken out of her ears so my w took the day off from work. We got to the out paitient place and they took my d back. My wife gave me a sandwich she bought for me from dunkin donuts. Exactly how i liked it. D came out of surgery we took her home. I met them there. Went in helped out held her for a bit cut up some food. W toldme she was good and i left. Checked in through out the day to see how she was and if they needed anything. So back to tonight.
Picked up my kids asked how last night was. S said great we got five guys and we ate down at OM place i got to play with his cats. Feel like i lost the battle again. My d even asked me daddy do you like om. Mommy really likes him. But then again they are 3 and 6.
Feel like i just took a shot to my jaw. Part of me wants to go to the date sites and start really looking. I just feel like i will compare them to my w the whole time.
Wish i could get her to really open her eyes.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
I feel like i am being played right now. Like i was back in may. She told me that we would separate and we would take it slow. Well how slow can we go if there is a om right now. I know i was in a good place then got the info from above. Now i feel like she asked if i was dating to ease her guilt or to tell me she is in love with the guy. I have no idea. Feel like i just took 6 steps back and fell off my path again. Do i ask her anything or just let it go. Its funny i was thinking of sending her floqers from the kids to her work. My son started asking me about valentines day.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
not sure what's freaking you out so much. You already knew about OM...

and she's still seeing him although she's opened communications up with you more...why isn't that still positive?

B/c you want it all faster? Doesn't work that way...

give me a timeline for all this please. When did the m start changing for the worse and when did you get the bomb?

What are your 180s and what are Your GAL?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
had time to sit and stew and think. Back to being a man only a fool would leave. I don't know what i will do. Part of me wants to have another talk with her and see where she is with this guy, BUT like everyone says none of my business right now. I need to fix me and see where i land.
This weekend i start my training for the traithlon. working on swimming, going out to dinner with friends friday and saturday. Next week i am going on a three day shoot for national geographic. Will be good to get back into filming for a few days.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard