Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...469#Post2211469

Just got a minute to check and saw I got locked up. Above is the link to the previous thread.

I have looked at myself in the mirror the last few days and I like where I am at the moment. I have a possible interview for a new job, lost weight, got new bedroom furniture well technically my only furniture I own. Have some good plans with my kids this weekend.

I like the changes I have undergone. Also I have not seen my therapist for three weeks. Next week is my first appointment he had to cancel the past 2 weeks.

My W and I are a little more chatty during the day through instant messenger.

Monday night had a little bit of a scare. My S was with me cause I took him to gymnastics and my W had my D at her gymnastics. She got home first and text me that our condo smells like gas. I got there and in the mail room is the OM calling the management company. Well this happened last year and you have to call the gas company. She ended up taking kids to my neighbors place and I left. Not too happy about leaving them there. No one got back to her about what was going on and if gas company ever showed up.
I told her to call me if she needed anything I was at the gym and would carry my phone, which I don't normally do. When I left the gym she said she just got the kids to bed and was going to sleep herself. I told her to leave the sliding door open a crack as well as a window just in case and to be safe. She thanked me for the help.
I text her in the morning to make sure everything was ok. No one notified her what was going on or if the gas company even showed. Made me so happy(sarcasm)to hear that no one not even the office put a note up regarding this. So I called the office cause to see what the problem was. They told me a unit above us left there oven on and that's where the leak came from. I thought gas would travel up not down to the ground floor. We don't have air ducts or anything like that. Everyone is fine.
We have also been sharing kid stories the past few days of there activities.
I picked up some bathroom wipes for the kids and I know she was out so I took half of the package and left the remaining in my D backpack. Told her they were in there for the house.
Been taking more initiative she is doing her first triathlon and asked for help on facebook. So when I was at the gym speaking with a trainer I asked for her if there was someone there who trained people for that. Got a number and gave that to her as well.
Feels good in a way to be helpful when I can. Past few years I really was not like this, don't know why. Kind of funny how I enjoy being useful.
Watched Crazy stupid Love, it was recommended to me by a friend who said it really mirrors my life. He was right for most of the film. Great movie if you have not watched it and I love two lines from it.

First line Steve Carrell to Julianne Moore "I'm so mad at you. Really mad at you for what you did. But I am also mad at myself too. I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates."

Second line Steve Carrell to Julianne Moore "I will never stop trying because when you find the one, you never give up."


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
25 what was the authors name of the book you told me about, for writing comedy?


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Couple things I realized this week.

I am carrying myself better walking more confident and upright. Before when I would walk through halls in the office my head would be down looking at the ground and I felt my shoulders rounded. Now shoulders are back and I am looking in front of me.
Also realized that I am not thinking of my W and the OM as much like I was. Guess I got used to it. I still think of my W from time to time but not as much as I did.
Its funny and I have made this comment in a past journal. When my kids are with me I am sleeping on the floor outside my bedroom on my old twin mattress. The same mattress that I slept in when my now W was just a friend and dating someone else. I held out hope then to start dating her. Now I am sort of back in the same place. Funny how life comes full circle.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how things change. He has been chasing this girl for the past few years and he found out through facebook that she is engaged. At the same moment he got a phone number from someone he was chatting with on match.com. One chapter closed for him with that girl and now he is looking to see what happens with this new one. We were talking about how things happen for a reason to make you a better person and take what you have and either fix it or drown in it. I told him what 25 has been telling me, change and fix myself to become the better husband/father/spouse only a fool would leave. I am getting there.
I hopefully will hear back from aetna regarding a resume and referral from a friend of mine there. Also got a few job leads from another friend of mine, his work will be hiring soon as well. So far 2012 looks a little promising.
We shall see how the cards land on the table and hopefully the dealer took the joker out of the deck.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
So far having a great weekend with my kiddos. Watched Mr Poppers Penguins last night. Cute kids movie my son was cracking up at scenes. Today we went to camden to take the subway frim jersey and over the bridge into philly and back. Then to the aquarium for a few hours. Now they are playing with my neice and nephew, should get them nice and tired.
Tomorrrow i am meeting my w to go over a budget for ourselves. Figuring out who os paying for what basivally. Other then that no expectations. I am starting to get in a good place. Yex occasionally I miss her and wish things could change, BUT I can wait and see how it all plays out. I started to think about her with om then put it out ofmy mind pretty quickly. I really womder if not having therapy for 3 weeks has forced me to help me, plus coming here obviously and getting smacked by a 2x4.
We shall see how the cards lie and if the dealer ia dealing underhanded then i will request a new shoe. Went a littlw to far with that i think.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Had my lunch today. We met I paid for it went and sat down and just chitchatted till our food got to our table. We caught up about our families and just how we were doing. She asked me if I was on Jdate yet. I told her I was but for some reason keep getting women who I am not interested in. She told me to change my pic. I told her the one I have on there and she complimented me on the pic and how good it was and why was I getting women that were not my type. She asked if there was a way for her to put a recommendation up for me. She told me she tried out eharmony filled out the whole thing put in separated and it said couldn't find anyone for her. We laughed.
She mentioned that she knew that I spoke with our friend in LA but my W was not told any part of the conversation. She also said she knows I spoke with her dad a few weeks before. I told her that was regarding her coment about my family influencing me when it comes to the condo. If for some reason they were to find out about the OM. I told her my family has had no influence on me since May 1 when I moved out. She knows how I feel about OM and I did inform her that she deserved better. She got quiet after I said that. No I did not mean me and I think she understood where I was coming from. She got a little teary eyed.
After we were done eating we spoke about our finances and how we were going to split them up. We came to a good agreement regarding this.
I informed her about how I have spoken to my sister about coming on this site since her and her husband are having issues. We were also talking about the woman who watches our daughter. Her and her husband are having issues. She laughed at me giving advice and how good I have gotten. I told her this site has helped me so much and how I value it. We both got teary eyed when we spoke about what had happened. She informed me 90% of her private practice are couples that are separated. I wanted to say wouldn;t it be nice to be there therapist that has gone through this and come out the other side with a fixed and incredible marriage. I kept my mouth shut for now.
All in all it was a good conversation and I feel really good. This was a great weekend.
We walked to our cars and she sttoos there for a few seconds I don't know if she was waiting for a hug or something felt a littel awkward. Still felt great I really enjoyed sitting and talking with her. I would love to tell her this.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Sounds like you're telling her that you've given up on the M. Do you want to see yourself as her friend or her H?

IMHO, you're acting like a cuckold. How you act as if you're happy about her going out with OM, yet you say that you enjoyed talking with her.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
Mrbond, she knows how much i want to be a family again. She mentioned this in her email to me last week.She is worried that my family would influence me if they found out about om. I then told her I am not happy about this guy and I know she deserves better and yea I said it in regards to me.
It was a good conversation felt like old times when we lived in california. Part of me wants to take this little snowball anf cast it down the hill and watch it grow. I want to tell her I enjoyed conversing with her. I want to get tickets to a comedy show and see if she wants to go with me. I am just not sure i should. Its all baby steps now. I plan on staying her husband.
At lunch we were talking about races and the triathlon she is doing in May and she planted the seed that I should do it as well. Now i have been thinking of doing this. If anything the training will help me get in better shape.
I did the last resort technique as best i could. I let her contact me, which she does every morning around the same time. Either email letter or some link she will send me. She wants us to communicate more.
From the convo yesterday I do get the feeling she misses me/us. I do think it might be a matter of time. There was no talk of D we just settled finances.
When we spoke about dating I told her I have not gone on any dates and she said she didn't want to know anything. I think she doesn't want to know because part of her doesn't want me to date.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
W
witz10 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 234
GM I understand what your talking about. I think that is why she said she didn't need to know. To be honest I am on 2 different sites and I am not getting anywhere. I am listed as looking for friend or a date. I also have that I am separated and have kids. So that in itself could be a deterrent, I don't know. Truthfully I just play and look. I have not found anyone and not sure if I am ready or not still.

Everytime I seem like I am ready something happens that reminds me I am still married. For example after dropping my kids off last night I came back and went into my room to change to relax. I took off my mood ring my son gave me and went to put it next to my wedding ring. Well my wedding ring was not there. I looked around and figured my kids played with it. I text my W to see if she can get them to tell her where it was. Right as I go to put the phone down my w calls me. My son wanted to say thank you and how much fun he had and that he loves me. I told him I did as well and love him so much. Then proceeded to ask my W if she got my text she said no why. I then asked my son if he played with my ring. He did and it was in his boxcar of his train. Little ironic the way the text and call came as I was thinking about dating. Everytime I think I am ready something honestly happens. Like something is telling me not to yet. I really don't know.


M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: witz10
25 what was the authors name of the book you told me about, for writing comedy?


Judy Carter's Comedy Bible or workbook. She has other funny books out but those are her basics...and the books that every comedy class uses as its' text.

Good luck--and sorry -but I didn't see this post til tonight.

maybe we can post names of those we're looking for in the subject? I don't know but I do have trouble finding people at times. Wish they'd allow private messages or notifications.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: witz10
Mrbond, she knows how much i want to be a family again. She mentioned this in her email to me last week.She is worried that my family would influence me if they found out about om. I then told her I am not happy about this guy and I know she deserves better and yea I said it in regards to me.

meaning YOU would now treat her better or what? Also I think her comment about your family's opinion is telling. Do they offer unsolicited opinions to you about the situation? It's not helpful.

You want to keep the road home, paved and smooth.
It'll already be hard enough as it is.


It was a good conversation felt like old times when we lived in california. Part of me wants to take this little snowball anf cast it down the hill and watch it grow.

it's okay to want this^^^...but keep it to yourself for now. Let her believe you see SOME upsides to being single and that you are happy contented man now, with or without her.

No one is attracted to morose depressed people who depend on others for their happiness...she knows you want it to work with her but it's GOOD if she thinks you've had an awakening...

I'd keep ALL discussions about dating, an off limits mystery to her.
And if not - if you feel compelled to admit , interest in it or posting on a dating site- don't tell her you are having trouble finding someone...sheesh...

and tell her you don't want to hear about OM unless it's over, and you promise not to tell her about your "new lady friends"...

let her wonder if they exist and don't tell her they don't.

This is setting/enforcing a boundary and it's fair to both of you. And appropriate.

I want to tell her I enjoyed conversing with her. I want to get tickets to a comedy show and see if she wants to go with me. I am just not sure i should. Its all baby steps now.


if you do anything with her, this^^^ is a good idea.

You may have to rent a comedy first, just to build up slowly starting with relaxed interactions. How open does she seem to this?

Does she seem open to that? Are you only getting contacted for business issues?


I plan on staying her husband.
At lunch we were talking about races and the triathlon she is doing in May and she planted the seed that I should do it as well. Now i have been thinking of doing this. If anything the training will help me get in better shape.


IF SHE SAID you ought to do it too....I'd consider that an invite. And do it.



I did the last resort technique as best i could. I let her contact me, which she does every morning around the same time. Either email letter or some link she will send me. She wants us to communicate more.


it seems so. cool



From the convo yesterday I do get the feeling she misses me/us. I do think it might be a matter of time. There was no talk of D we just settled finances.

but not the r?


When we spoke about dating

who brought ^^this up? Don't let it be you.



I told her I have not gone on any dates tired

and she said she didn't want to know anything. I think she doesn't want to know because part of her doesn't want me to date.


of course she does not want to know - who would?

But let her worry some! You don't need to keep telling her you are, in effect, waiting for her to come home and you will keep waiting--b/c what's the motivation for her to hurry home?

She can take ALL the time she wants b/c she knows you are there for her....forever...if need be.

how does that help you?

Otherwise there are several positive baby steps I think.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard