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#2221297 - 02/12/12 11:22 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10551
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: witz10
Your right about being stuck. I chose to stay here because of the safety. I felt safe. I was also able to work freelance video shoots and still come to work here the next day. That was when I had the film dream. Now I am questioning that as well.


2 questions--

How does your w feel about your family's ways? My W is not happy with my family's business tactics. She asked me numerous times to get on payroll and always there was an excuse from my brother. He would appease me by saying ok in the next quarter or the new year. My w has not seen nor spoken to my family since my sons bday party in the beginning of November. She asks me how they are and she has tried to set up playdates with my sister and her kids, however my sister never gets back to her.

Is the reason you lived away in California in the first place, partly b/c of them?
We moved to California for me to try working in film and tv, which I did in 2001 then with the 911 work pretty much dried up for a long time. My w went to school out there to be a psychologist.

I also have a california lien against me. For the Franchise tax board. This was something that at the time was misfiled by the family business. My w and I would work out of our apt. I would enter loans and get approvals for the office. This tax lien has been with me since 2005. I gave it numerous times to my brother who passed it onto the accountant and then I would get another bill.
This almost affected the purchase of my condo. We got it "fixed", now he is finally paying it off. [/quote]

if it has been fixed, the lien should be removed within 30 days. We appealed a finding by the tax board, they lost it in paperwork, which I almost did not discover. So then I resent it and it got granted...zero balance owed.

just fyi
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2221351 - 02/13/12 04:02 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
if it has been fixed, the lien should be removed within 30 days. We appealed a finding by the tax board, they lost it in paperwork, which I almost did not discover. So then I resent it and it got granted...zero balance owed.

just fyi[/color]
[/quote]

There are 2 more payments to be made on this then I am done with that and have to get the paperwork.

I am glad you checked in on me. Been a rough week. I dropped off my kids tonight went in unpacked snow stuff and gave kids a hug and kiss and said good night. My W then hit me with "anything I should know from the weekend?" I said no she then replied I was not sure you came in and now turned to leave so what is wrong. I told her what it is with the weekend and my elephant type of memory remembering the argument we had this weekend last year and how it started the ball rolling.
I really want to wait but I really miss being intimate. Now it could be this weekend before valentines day as well.
Again I know this is all out of my control with her and om. Its funny how people still tell me they can't believe she is doing this and acting like this.
I am stuck with what my next step should even be these days.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2221353 - 02/13/12 04:07 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Part of me wanted to mention seeing the jewelry box but I didn't. I also wondered if she puts this out to get me jealous or push me to make a move. Throw out an ultimatum or start dating. I don't know. Like usual just confused again.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2222317 - 02/15/12 07:38 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I have to say this is such and amazing ride to go through. One minute your perfectly fine and then you see or think something and boom the rest of your day goes down the tubes.
I am at a loss for words. I have no idea what my future holds for me at this point. Yea I am scared $hitless of where I will end up. I look at these dating sights and see divorced or separated women. (I know this is thinking down the line but they are just thoughts.) I think to myself do I want a mixed family with another persons kids. How can I reprimand another persons child and vice versa. What if I get attached to a person for a while and they have a kid and we break it off. I don't want my kids going through something like that. I also know I won't let anyone meet my kids until I am serious with someone. I am just lost in the sauce of life.
One of my big problems is having a memory like an elephant, as my friends and w say. I remember when my w and I were engaged and joked about a prenup. She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.
Guess things change huh. Funny it amazes me as well how everyone is saying to me she is having her cake and eating it too.
Oh well vented enough for now.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2222339 - 02/15/12 08:52 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Sorry bro!I noticed that on the sites too. I was like"eww" is this all that is out there? lol...
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2222374 - 02/15/12 10:47 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Hey Witz,

Quote:
She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.


What's different about you now? How were things better then?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2222691 - 02/16/12 08:37 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Originally Posted By: labug
Hey Witz,

Quote:
She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.


What's different about you now? How were things better then?

When we lived together in Los Angeles we were our own individuals. I would go out to play softball 1 or 2 nights a week and we would do things on our own. After our kids were born I was more interested in staying home and my life became them. Now I have a life outside of them and with them as well.
Another thing we were a plane ride away from my families business so I didn't see everything first hand. Now I am involved. I see my mom at her house and at work. My brother and sister are here as well. I am looking to find another job but, I need to stay and pay off all my debts first then move on. Wherever I go I will take a drastic pay cut.

Another change in me is I am more outspoken and don't take any crap from my family. I used to let it go now no longer.
My W said to a friend of ours while on a play date with our kids. My W told her its not me anymore now she needs to figure out herself. She needs to figure out that the guy she is with is poison. She is just not ready.
Me I am paying my bills and saving money to buy a home for myself with a backyard for kids and a dog. I don't know if I ever want to go back to my condo.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2222797 - 02/17/12 03:47 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
That all sounds positive.
Quote:
My W told her its not me anymore now she needs to figure out herself.
Does this mean that you are no longer her problem?


Maybe your wife does needs to figure herself out and you can give her that space.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2223019 - 02/17/12 07:32 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
labug, I am giving her as much space as possible. The past few weeks have been good. A few weeks ago I expected to drop kids off and go. Then She offered me leftover chili and to make me sauteed brusel sprouts which I never had. I was there for 45minutes and she voluntarily told me what she did that weekend. Next night I found a dozen roses on the dining room table when I went up to get my resume off our computer. So there are good times then that.

I do get the feeling that she is questioning herself. She enjoys being around this other guy as well as her freedom.

Like this weekend is her weekend with kids. But she is running a race tomorrow and I told her I would take kids tonight for extra time and drop them off tomorrow afternoon. Then she is going out with them for a while and then droping them off at her parents house for a sleepover picking them up on Sunday. So really not a mommy and kids weekend. But she is very busy tomorrow race, therapy, son has a bday party she is taking him too. Next weekend is my weekend and she is taking them Friday night cause she is taking them to the circus on saturday then dropping them off to me. So I commented wow we both have easy weekends. She said she doesn't think they are easy just busy weekends.
When I don't have them I have nothing to do. I have to find things to keep me busy. I have no idea what she does that she is always running and can't sit.

I am trying to give her as much space as possible. Only thing left for me to do. Unless I shock her with an ultimatum and I go file for divorce. But that is not something I want to do. Even though I would control our fate.

Just a confused as everyone else out there going through this. Why can't logic just interfere its little head sometimes.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223026 - 02/17/12 07:44 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Yes, it's pretty confusing.

Quote:
When I don't have them I have nothing to do. I have to find things to keep me busy.


Find something, definitely!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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