Thanks Rick...

OK, not much to update at this time, but here goes:

Took D9 out for Halloween. Lots of fun!

That's about it... still looking for job and all M stuff on hold... won't sign SA and can't afford to file... *sigh*...

Patience KD... patience...

Dear lord,

PLEASE do not let me GAL like that for a long... long... LONG time...

ow... my head and stomach still hurt...

Ah, but it was fun!

Spent the eve with some good, ol' buds from way back. It was interesting... one of them confessed to having an A with a M woman (he's D'd). He actually got "caught" with his hand in the cookie jar, but not with his pants down... He expressed remorse and said that he knew he should end it... I just reminded him that his behaviour is exactly what my W's first OM did...

Same ol' same ol' here...

Still baffled why my W didn't just wait and spend the money on D rather than SA...

Emotionally though, I'm doing really well... yeah, still stressed about work, but as far as my W and M... I'm feeling completely solid.

Another buddy from last night asked me if I would consider getting back with my W and I told him I would consider it, but I didn't really feel committed to the idea. I almost feel like I was lying to him.

I don't know if I've forgiven. I don't know if I could get back with my W with all the damage. But where I used to wonder how much work it would be, I really don't care at this point.

I accept that my W likely feels justified in her position. I know that I emotionally dropped out years ago and that was likely a trigger for my W's path to date. I really believe at this time that no matter what I could have done, my own needs would not have been met by my W. Not that I really NEEDED my W's attention and private time to be happy.

Anyhow, just blabbing... Another day, another... day...

Sending a prayer your way--hope all is well.

Thank you for all you do to support others on the board!

"Still baffled why my W didn't just wait and spend the money on D rather than SA..."

It is obivious, she wants space,
and you are not giving it to her.

If she wanted a D, she would have pursued it.

So consider your blessings and work on improving.

Find out her LOVE LANGUAGES, and start using them.

Good luck

Unconditional Love precludes attachment...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks Poe... It is true, in the beginning I did not give my W the space she wanted. Not so much in the physical sense (which I provided early) but rather from the emotional space...

I have become much better at providing that space and am myself doing quite well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

dbmod, thank you for your comment and prayer. This board has been a much needed support and now muse as I find my ground and centre, once again.

I am forever grateful and offer back what support I can...

Update:

Time to move on.

I've agreed to sign the Separation Agreement. W is getting final adjustments made on it.

Once done, I'll start the process on D. Should be fairly quick as just the doc written up and signed.

It will be a good start to 2012. The future looks good.

As I've mentioned in other posts, while I continue to browse this site, I am intentionally not actively posting. Having once again found my "philosophical centre", I fear I may assert my own beliefs on those who need to follow their own paths. And I need to follow my own.

A quick update, I have signed the SA presented by my W (with nominal and insignificant modifications from the draft) this past friday. I am awaiting processing. I continue to be uncommitted to filing D in the near future, although I continue to weigh the pros and cons.

I just found out that Stephen Hawkings turned 70 today. As an example of someone who not only survived a life changing disease (ALS), but thrived through it. Mr. Hawkings also is a survivor of 2 D's, his first being in 1991 from his first W and has reconciled his first family in 2007. As described in Wikipedia article of his personal life:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking#Personal_life

Mr. Hawkings, I salute you. Hope you had a great birthday!

Finally get a bit of breathing room.

W had made some allusions as to financial tx of SA being ASAP, even though SA stated 40 days. Then, I quickly noticed resistance and delay to that possibility as soon as I announced SA signed.

After a bit of discussions regarding handling of tx, which would take time because of my financial sitch (unable to afford the traveling necessary to get paperwork done) W finally offered concession to provide nominal, advanced financing to me so that I could take care of paperwork quickly.

So that is good. While not having financials settled didn't hold me back, my sitch was very restricting and difficult to move forward in any substantive way with life. Now I can put in the more pro-active plans for job searching AND be finally able to have my kids on regular schedules.

No real reason to post. I sent her an email saying I had my end of the SA paperwork completed. She responds with this gem:

"Perfect - thanks!

She just handed me another bill for $1000 for the edits and stuff to the agreement. I should show you her invoice - its unbelievable.

She wants another $1000 to file the divorce papers. I'm not doing it. Can't do it actually. We'll have to think about that one."

No idea what's going on in her head aside from wanting me to pay for the D paperwork.

I'll wait until I secure steady employment.

Kind of funny. Not a peep from any of the IL side since probably Mar/10, except for two chance encounters that were pretty much "Hey, hi. How are you?" short conversations...

I did get a kick out of two recent "things".

1) MIL game requested me on FB about three weeks ago... I chuckled when I saw it thinking, "I wonder if she's trying to reach out to me?"

2) My W's cousin's W just sent a "Valentine's Gift" order request in a group FB message which included me and other ILs. Again, thought it was funny so sent a little note to say "Hey" and haven't heard back...

Still frustrating (for any newbies who read this and find similarities) that my "positive expectations" are always wrong and my "negative expectations" are always right... so word of caution and note to self, stop the expectations...

Of course I'm joking, I do have no expectations. Well... here's an example of my non-expectation... The SA was not perfectly clear about child transfer arrangements and I knew this as did my W intend this, in order to allow for certain amounts of flexibility. No harm. But as being the case and also the lack of clarity on things like long weekends, I needed to ask "the questions".

So I did. Simply asked what times would be appropriate to pick up and drop off the kids and to give some thought to long weekends. I did that today because I know my W is going on a business trip and may not be back before I pick the kids up on Friday so want to be sure arrangements are made so whoever is with the kids knows I'll be picking them up.

I suspect now is the time that will be hard on my W. She's gone through the honeymoon of being independent and making arrangements for the kids when she was going out with friends. She now has to deal with the reality that the kids are no longer in her control. Of course, that also makes me happy to not have to "ask" to see the kids. I know what it's like to not be able to just do anything with the kids when I want. So I also suspect that my W will wait to the last minute to respond. I do hope she responds, I don't want this to start badly...

I'd mentioned in a post to someone else that W seems to be changing now that the SA has been processed. Just very little spew. Not really open or anything, just less hostile. So I think that it's safe for me to pop my head out for a bit...

I'm going to look past any need for extended relationship damage control as a reason that we could never R. It would be a lot to work through and not everyone may be receptive IF that were to happen.

But rather, I think I'm going to take some time now to objectively look at my W and determine if she really is someone I would want to be with. Because eventually, if this ain't gonna happen... if I don't want to be with her... I might as well file...

So, spend some time doing that. Otherwise, things are starting to move forward for me.

I think I'm going to get a bike and challenge JB to a race...