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I just need to vent! Fair warning.....I'll be snarky!
OK, so A over 18 months and piecing.
I've made A LOT of changes.
INCLUDING switching jobs (took a 50K cut in pay) to be home more.
One of H complaints was that I was always unhappy and complaining. I'd leave the house, leaving it clean. Sometimes my job would take me away form home for 24 hours. I'd come home and the place would look like a cyclone hit it. It's been like shoveling crap against a tide.
So, I stopped complaining about the messes and disorganization.
I no longer rock any boats in terms of H's sloppiness, or how he parks himself in front of the tube after work every night, or has control of the clicker and hardly ever asks me if I want to watch something. He'll tell you different.
When he ran into a stone wall with his car and toppled a good section, I didn't complain, I just asked what happened. No he didn't bother to fix it. It drives me crazy, but if I say something, I'm complaining.
I'm assuming that part of the A happened because I would ask him to tow the line at home and ow just adored him. She made him feel like he could hang the moon. Well, towards the end she started throwing him under the bus, going to his boss and telling him she was basically running the department. And she probably was.
So today we did recycling and we were cleaning out the barn and the garage of unneeded things. Why does everything have to be so adversarial?! And why can't he do anything efficiently?
He tossed small pieces of wood in a corner, transferring one mess to another space. "We'll get it later." My point was to toss the wood in a bucket and use it for kindling for the fireplace. One versus two movements to attain a goal.
Our nephew is staying with us after failing college and my H is so passive aggressive to him. He sees himself in the kid. But the kid gets out of bed and is helping us with the recycling (while our lazy-ass kids are sleeping in) and compliments my H on how good his hair looks. What does my H say back? No, not thank you. He starts dissing the kid and says, "Well, you have to wash and take care of your hair, unlike you." He is just a pr!#k. Then we go in the barn and the kid's snowboard is in there, so H asks him where he wants it and adds, "Because you just dumped it here and didn't bother to hang it up."
So these are just 2 examples of many this morning. So I blew a gasket and said, "Oh, so what is the difference between the snowboard being left on the workbench and you just throwing beer bottles into the garage on the floor?" Well of course he denies that he does it "that much." I just pick them up and put them in the recycling bin and don't say anything. God forbid if I say something.....it could lead to an A. Some other hottie will make him feel all good about himself and I'll be the b1t#h.
The last thing I need to be snarky about and vent about is that H and son are picking up a table I bought yesterday. A friend of ours has it on his truck, went to get it for me, tied it down etc. All my friend asked was that they don;t cut the ropes. So what does my H say? "Well, why doesn't he just come out and undo it himself so we don;t cut the ropes. So I say back, "All I am telling you is what he requested, OK?"
Why does anything I ask for, no matter how diplomatic, have to be such a friggin adversarial deal? OMG!!!!
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.