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[quote=labug]
"realize that you just move forward inch by inch and that it is just a journey and not a specific place to reach..."from zig's thread
[\quote]

Reminds me of something another of the pastors at my church likes to say:

"Mile by mile, it's a trial. Yard by yard, it's awful hard. Inch by inch, it's a cinch." Pretty good stuff.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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mimivac Offline OP
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Thanks for the encouragement, guys. Things continue to go well, although I still have some free-floating anxiety issues. Yesterday I got a call from H at work that highlighted two things about how I'm doing: 1) I am still pretty far from really detached; 2) I am doing OK, nonetheless. He sounded pretty depressed on the phone and said he didn't know why he was calling me and that he was all "doom and gloom." I sympathized. When he asked what I had been up to, I cheerfully told him about this documentary I had watched the other night about bees. And the thing was, I wasn't acting "as if" -- I really was cheerful about it. However, I was also a little too happy that he was depressed. I couldn't help but to wonder (and hope) if it was because he missed me. He said that he would be by later in the day to pick up his belts and I got a bit excited about that. But, I was hardly depressed when he never showed up or called. So, a little progress here and little progress there.

Inch by inch. MC today

Mimi


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
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So, MC yesterday went really well. Our therapist's office is near the city zoo and before the session I visited the zebras and thought about how I could stay open and confident in therapy while also being honest. I think a lot of H's comments hurt me because I internalize them so. Even though I know it to be false, when he says, "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you," I think, "Oh no, I must not be sexually attractive anymore." In GAL I am working on my health and appearance, not because I am unattractive, but b/c I want to feel better about myself. So if I can keep in mind that H's feelings are his feelings and not necessarily the cold, hard truth, I can stay open and confident and not become defensive. Knowing that I am a good person inside, I can consider the truth behind H's comments and use them to improve myself.

So, on the "sexually attractive" theme. H once again re-iterated that "that ship has sailed," "that thread has broken," and his sexual feelings for me are forever lost. However, the therapist then asked if we had ever had a satisfying sexual relationship and I was surprised by H's reaction. He seemed to be excited and started recounting all the fun stuff we used to do in that realm. Previously, he had insisted that it was never that good and that sex had always been our "weakest link." But this trip down memory lane really helped him to remember the good times. Afterwards he said that the session was "fun," and kissed me before we parted ways.

So, I was on the metro going home, happy from the session, but also trying to be realistic. It was a good therapy session, nothing more, nothing less. It was an inch forward in a long process that has yet to play out. I got home and immediately went about my business with the mindset that nothing had changed. No phone calls to H; no wondering if he would want to move back in soon. Nope. I cleaned my refrigerator (yeah I know, but it relaxes me), ate a wonderful homemade bolonasise sauce, and snuggled into bed with my books and cat.

Everyday I am thankful that I have the resources, ability, and stamina to take care of myself. Today, I will go to my salon after work and have my eyebrows done. Then I will go to my favorite tex-mex bar and have a bloody mary and maybe an appetizer or two. Time to plan out my GAL activities for this weekend. Wishing everyone a great day and weekend.

Mimi


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Can I be your roommate until H moves back? (


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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was going to add no sex involved shocked


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 158
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mimivac Offline OP
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LOL, labug! You are welcome to stay and I would cook for you. I am actually looking forward to opening up my balcony and having friends over as spring approaches. Do you like cocktails by sunset?


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Do I ever!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 825
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I'll bring margaritas, tell me when and where!!

So glad that MC was able to get H to recount some positive experiences in your past sexual R. Sometimes I think the WAS is so focused on the negatives, that any positives get pushed into a back corner of their mind- its good for them to have to dust off the good memories... Maybe they'll hang around the front of their mind.

Dinner, book and cat... Sounds like a relaxing evening smile


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12
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mimivac Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: purgatory
I'll bring margaritas, tell me when and where!!

So glad that MC was able to get H to recount some positive experiences in your past sexual R. Sometimes I think the WAS is so focused on the negatives, that any positives get pushed into a back corner of their mind- its good for them to have to dust off the good memories... Maybe they'll hang around the front of their mind.

Dinner, book and cat... Sounds like a relaxing evening smile


I'm glad the session was positive, too. It helped my mood even though I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day (had no expectation to, so didn't really dwell on it). It's weird, when you drop the mind-reading and interpreting how much free time you suddenly have. Thinking about those margaritas now...

Mimi


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 158
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mimivac Offline OP
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So, I feel that I have entered a more challenging part of this journey and DBing. Yesterday was the first full day that I did not hear from H at all -- no phone call, no email, no text. Yes, I truly felt that I had dropped the expectations (which, I'm sure made things easier), bit I still noticed. With contact, it was easier to detach (or have the illusion of detachment) because I knew that he was at least interested enough to call everyday. The real test is how I will handle things if he becomes more distant. I am assuming I continue to LRT. Certainly I continue to GAL. Is this when true emotional detachment can take hold?

I am feeling a little bereft and alone, but still able to get on with things. I feel that I really need to step up GAL at a vulnerable time like this. The problem is I am under the weather and mostly in bed today. That is usually a recipe for rumination, so I gotta find something more constructive. Sigh. I guess I haven't quite broken the "addiction" after all -- still need that phone call "hit" from my H.

Mimi


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
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