The continuing saga of Kolja

[kolja]

Lol there were quite a few folks there who took breaks to nap overnight who thought I was a little crazy too for powering through. tough to say why I find that fun - I guess it's just cool knowing I could keep at it, nothing more!

[labug]

not too much to say on the marriage front.

There are a few of us here with that continuing update: you, gunny, Grmpy Mnky, me.

There was a recurring bit Chevy Chase did on SNL many years ago after Franco died following weeks of reporting on his impending death:

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL dead!

Maybe I'll start using that to update my sitch

[kolja]

Only a MINOR update today, as I had to speak to her about our taxes - it was more than would be remotely convenient to text so I asked if it would be OK to email or call. She actually asked me to call. So I did.

The situation is just that the accountant had an 'authorization to e-file' form that had spaces for both of us to sign, and they said it would be better if we both DID rather than just me. I figured the easiest way to do it would be for me to sign it, send it and an addressed envelope for the accountant down to her for her to sign, and then drop in the mail. Then when the refund hit my account, I'd deposit her share at the local branch of her bank. I just didn't feel like texting all that.

It was the first time we'd actually SPOKEN (as opposed to SMS - you know, actually HEARING each other's voices). Initially she was very clipped in her answers (just a lot of "yep") but as the very short conversation went on, there was a little more to it. Perhaps warming to me a little, or perhaps just eager to get her share of the refund. I didn't press my luck though, and kept to the subject at hand. At the very end, I said I hoped things were going well for her - she thanked me and said 'you too' - so I thanked her. After a BIT of an icy (or shall we say merely business like) start, it wrapped up relatively congenially.

[labug]

I had a phone conversation with H that was very much the same.

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead!

[gunny]

Hello Kolja,
Catching up on your sitch. I will be having the tax conversation with s soon, most of our correspondance has been by email, very friendly. I go to see the accountant next saturday, when this is done it will be another box checked on the list of things to do when separating/getting divorced. Each of the milestones is distastful, to say the least.

Good going on the training for the half. I started my slow buildup to the 15 mile mark last week, the weather here has been unusually mild, usually I dont begin the buildup until April. Keep me posted on your progress, tomorrow is 6 mile jaunt!

You will probably find your convos/texting/emails slowly becoming friendlier and friendlier as time goes on. This is what has happended to me so far, it will be interesting to see.

[kolja]

Hey Gunny-
Thanks for checking in! I guess I haven't been so diligent in updating my thread but there doesn't often seem like there's much to say. I figure if I just posted something everyday saying there was no contact between us I'd just be spamming my own thread.

I feel like if I focused on the infrequency of our communication, I might get a little more discouraged but instead I try to be grateful for the friendlier tone when we DO get to interact. I also know she hasn't talked much to her family.

Speaking of her family, I got to see them on Tuesday. My sister-in-law's younger daughter (I'd say our youngest niece, but my sister has a 2 year old...) turned 15 and it was HER idea to invite me over for her family birthday dinner (as opposed to the teenage girl slumber party that's apprently happening this weekend). That was pretty flattering - and we all had a good time. There was no talk about the situation (other than my brother-in-law asking if I had been left with the cats, and kind of laughing, but the guy lives in a house with 2 chihuahas so I don't take it seriously...) and no awkwardness at all like you might expect. It was pretty nice.

Despite the 24 hour skiing, running still goes well. I got home noon Sunday, and Monday evening I ran 3 miles without any slow-down. Last night I did my first sub-26:00 3 miler in YEARS (I know, probably not that impressive to a Gunny )Tomorrow is my first venture into the double-digits, 10 miles. I'm even officially registered now for the big event. Lifting continues, and so does the swimming when my irregular work schedule and the limited hours available for lap swimming at the town pool allow it. Yesterday, I ran into an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while at the exchange and (even though I was wearing a jacket at the time) he remarked that I seemed "skinny." Now, granted, it would be even better if a hot woman said that, but the feedback is still nonetheless appreciated.

There's also some travel on the horizon - end of the month about 5 days back down in northern Nevada where I used to live, and I acted like a true team player and volunteered for 12 days working on an exercise in Hawaii in May. I'd never been there and it seemed like on the government's plane ticket, lodging dime, and per diem would be a good way to check it out...

[kolja]

Well, Monday must now be our weekly "talk to your soon to be ex" day. On the one hand I'd like to hear from her more often but on the other hand, maybe it's the way it's got to be for now.

We talked about care for her cats (which are still at my house) while I have to travel for work; I asked if she had someone particular in mind and it turns out she did so hopefully that will work out. She mentioned she recieved the tax paperwork, signed it, and got it in the mail so hopefully we'll see the refund soon.

She mentioned, almost seemingly in passing, that she had to travel back up here at some point to have the divorce papers notarized. While I could have done without that, it did give me an occasion to mention that the final paperwork really ought to specify the dollar amount I'm giving her and for how many months. Though I simply told her that I thought it seemed like something that should be written down, the fact is that if this process doesn't stop, at the very least I'm claiming the support payments on next year's taxes and will need documentation.

Nice to hear from her, and it was cordial - though I could have passed on the divorce paperwork talk and ideally would have liked to have seen some sign that the whole process was slowing down. But, you can't have everything...

[bustorama]

Well, Monday must now be our weekly "talk to your soon to be ex" day. On the one hand I'd like to hear from her more often but on the other hand, maybe it's the way it's got to be for now.

We talked about care for her cats (which are still at my house) while I have to travel for work; I asked if she had someone particular in mind and it turns out she did so hopefully that will work out. She mentioned she recieved the tax paperwork, signed it, and got it in the mail so hopefully we'll see the refund soon.

She mentioned, almost seemingly in passing, that she had to travel back up here at some point to have the divorce papers notarized. While I could have done without that, it did give me an occasion to mention that the final paperwork really ought to specify the dollar amount I'm giving her and for how many months. Though I simply told her that I thought it seemed like something that should be written down, the fact is that if this process doesn't stop, at the very least I'm claiming the support payments on next year's taxes and will need documentation.

Nice to hear from her, and it was cordial - though I could have passed on the divorce paperwork talk and ideally would have liked to have seen some sign that the whole process was slowing down. But, you can't have everything...

You're handling this all above board. Couple of thoughts for future contacts.

If/when she raises idea of coming up again to have papers notarized, instead of going in to the content of the papers (since that's not really what she was talking about, right?), talk about her coming up, "Yeah, when are you gonna be up this way?" or "Yeah, when were you thinking of doing that." Really try to focus on/listen to her agenda and reflect it back to her. When you pull things back to your agenda, ESPECIALLY in the context of the D proceedings, it can be seen as adversarial.

Also, feel free to sprinkle in a bit about your life as well. "I'm headed to Hawaii for...XXXX...looking forward to that" "Funny story about the all night skiing" "Progress on your half mara training." You might tell a friend about these sorts of things, right? Not everything has to be about the D or the mundane or just cordial. It is ok to share with her about interesting things in your life, the same way you would with a friend.

Just be the first to go after sharing a bit about your interesting life. Hey, it's was good talking to you, W, I gotta go (something busy and, hopefully, fun)

[kolja]

You know, come to think of it, I dont think she knows about the half marathon at all - a couple years ago she had mentioned wanting to do one. Until recently I never thought I'd do one, until I saw all the 'regular' folks do the one in Vegas, many appearing to walk the entire way. I ignited if they can, I can - and reaching that decision coincided with her deciding she wanted a divorce at which point it seemed like something positive to work for while everything else was getting turned upside down.

I know I havent mentioned Hawaii. In part it's because I just found out last week. Also, even though it runs the risk of the dreaded 'mind reading,' part of me kind of wonders how she would react to it. She ha wanted to go there together before changing her mind.

[kolja]

Rereading my reply I realize it may sound like I may have been arguing - which I wasn't. Just two very thought provoking suggestions, as I hadn't told her about either of those