So I have been doing a lot of reflecting and introspection. After I had the conversation with H last week, not much has really changed around here. It felt like some lip service, and I guess I am so drained that I don't feel like I care. That or I am truly detached. Some days I wonder if I can truly let go of the detachment, I think I like it.
In addition to the sitch with my H, my teenage boys seem to be more angry and taking it out on me. They are talking down to me, and imitating H. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. I don't feel like I want to be here. Three separate people taking me for granted.
So in the past week, I have gone to the movies with a friend and just planned a fun day of indoor rock climbing with another friend. I dream about getting in my car and just going.
This morning H asked me about it and I told him about how the boys have been treating me. He emailed me when he got to work, and said "I need to step up as a parent, you need a break. Let me drive for a while. Do what you need for you, and I support you"
I am taking it! I need the break and the kids prefer him right now anyway. I am taking the time to truly work on me, because I feel like a stranger in my own home these days. After years of trying to keep things happy and giving to all of them, they have officially drained me. Even when filling my own tank, they drain it faster than I can fill it back up.
"I need to step up as a parent, you need a break. Let me drive for a while. Do what you need for you, and I support you"
Go for it!
I know what you mean about the sons. I think S19 blames me for dad leaving so we tangle quite often. But I must admit, he's a lot like his dad so I may also be reacting to that. It's all so complicated.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Exactly labug, sometimes I wonder how much of it is normal teenage attitude and how much is the crazy household we currently live in.
I went out with a friend last night and had a great time. I actually stayed out later than I normally would on a work night but was having a good time.
When I got home I thought everyone was asleep but H was awake and waiting for me, lightly sleeping to hear me come in. He wanted to tell me that he had a good conversation with the boys and they were all going to do their part. He said the boys were nodding along and really wanted to help out more, just simple chores around the house and less attitude will go a long way.
This morning I got up to see them off to school and they were both different, and I am so thankful for that. My relationship with my boys is not a part of this, and I refuse to have that affected.
H left for work and mid morning I got an email to see how I am feeling. I responded "good, looking forward to the weekend" He responded that he feels better that he is doing this with the kids and feels good about taking back some control"
I responded that I am glad to hear it and that the boys really crave it. They needed me more when they were little, nurturing, etc. Now they need to learn to become men and this will be good for all 3 of them.
So for this I am very thankful for my kids!!
I have a friend who is going through a divorce with her H and we have been hanging out quite a bit. Going to the movies, etc. Turns out we have so much in common, both like the same things, places to visit, etc. We both put that part of ourselves aside because our H's didn't like those places (same places ironically).
So I am really looking forward to some GAL activities with my friend and doing some things I have been missing.
My friends H asked me if I was having a MLC! Hahaha I almost fell out of my chair. Nobody really knows out sitch, other than a few close friends that each of us have confided in.
So over the past few weeks/months my friends and I have used facebook at times for GAL activities, whether to plan them or share photos, etc.
So yesterday a small group of us were discussing rock climbing and getting super excited. The group grew thanks to the public discussioin..the more the merrier.
My friends H got on and said "is someone having a MLC...talking to you Autumn"
I didn't respond at all, just moved along. Doing something fun and healthy, after sitting in this house waiting (not sure for what) is not like I went out and got an OM, motorcylce, hot rod.
I'm glad your husband is taking the leaf w/the boys for a bit. I certainly can relate to feeling like its overwhelming.
Funny you should mention a situation w/the boys...
My xH is a complete KID, flies off the handle swearing at the top of a hat, and is really a piss poor example for my boys. He has visitation that he can "handle", and that's good for the boys, but it does present a lot of teaching moments.
I do a lot of explaining to them what behaviors/reactions are appropriate. I try really hard to spin it into not sounding like a Dad bashing. So far so good. Just never lose the opportunity to continuously teach them what is right.
Off to a bball game!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Good for you for getting out there and rock climbing. That seems like something even your teenage boys might think was cool too.
I have been hanging with some divorced friends as well and it sometimes gets me nervous cause I dont want to be divorced like them but hanging out with married friends is just too weird most of the time.
I feel isolated from my married friends cause its so hard to talk to them about the sitch. Many think I should just tell H to take a hike and they think I'm being naive that H can return to M and it be okay.
Hang in there, glad you H talk to the boys is having positive results:)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I am glad he is taking the lead too. It is actually a 180 for me to step back and let him. It will ultimately be best for the boys and I can see that.
In the past week he has really done a great job, getting involved more, having them come to him first on some things, and even getting up at 2am when S17 was vomiting last night. Told me to stay put unless they need me, and I did just that. Had to sit on my hands a bit but I did it haha
Another 180 is to thank him, and tell him that he is doing a great job with them. I apologized for not saying it earlier, and he said "you did" but I think he was just saying that.
Funny you mentioned that Brklyn, I am actually planning to take the boys. When they found out that I was going they were so proud of me, and slightly surprised. I realized it may be a good thing to do with them as well. Make it a challenge. They have such busy schedules that I will have to work it in.
Too funny Weniki, at least it is common and not just my situation. I'll have to check out that book sometime. I am ordering a book and CD by Marianne Williamson and continuing to work on me. Looking forward to it!
Had a doctor appt this morning and he was happy to see my weight loss especially over the holiday. Seemed happy with the mild AD's I am taking and just checking to see how things are overall. He asked if H would come in to see him, and I said "i doubt it but thank you" I told him that H has asked for marriage counseling and he said "it is a good start, maybe then they can discuss IC with him as well"
Some very good news! My S15 made the high school basketball team. He was already doing a travel and rec league but the HS team is a huge accomplishment. He just found out yesterday that he is starting. I am so very proud and can't wait to go to the first game next week. I am so thankful to have a flexible work schedule to be able to do this.
Through all of this I want the boys to be ok, well I want all of us to be ok but you know what I mean.
