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#2223607 - 02/20/12 02:05 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
This past weekend was supposed to be my wifes with our kids. She had a race to run on Saturday morning so I had my kids Friday night into Saturday and I dropped them off around noon. I text her early in the morning to wish her good luck then she text me back later on to tell me how she did.
When I went up to drop my kids off I noticed she got new pantry doors put on our pantry. We didn't have any since we moved into our condo and we had a flood. I said to her, "oh one of your dads friends finally got in touch with you?" She said no she took care of it. Which meant the om installed the doors for her either Thursday or Friday. Now what I find amusing about this is I asked this guy before all this started and I was living there if he would do it and he said he is not comfortable working on other peoples units. Hmm gonna leave that one alone. Lets just say if things work out between us I can't see myself moving back in.

My work has taken a slight turn. There are investors coming in to my families business that want to sort of take over and we would slowly become a bigger company. Now my brother is negotiating our new salaries and it would be a significant increase. So my eyes right now are sharply on paying my debt down then buying a home near my condo so I can be closer to my kids. Plus have a backyard for them etc. If my wife and I are back together by then just icing on the cake.

All in all I was at my condo for about an hour and we just made chit chat nothing too big. This weekend coming up was supposed to be mine with kids, but my wife asked if I minded switching. She is taking them on Saturday to the circus so I would only have them saturday night and sunday. Instead she is flying to California to visit a close friend the following weekend so I will have my kids then from Thursday to Monday. Should be fun. Now this friend of hers is/was a good friend to me as well, like a sister. She is my wifes confidant. I was able to talk with her when all this started then she stopped calling and texting me back in september. Last time I heard from her was Dec 26th out of the blue. Yea I can't read into my wife calling her and asking her to check in on me. I have not heard from this friend since Dec 26th.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223655 - 02/20/12 04:33 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10682
"She said no she took care of it. Which meant the om installed the doors for her "

Mindreading. For all you know, she really did do them herself.

As for your job sitch, I thought you didn't want to work with your family any more? It's better to go somewhere where you're happy, than stay working at a place where you're not.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2223795 - 02/20/12 11:49 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: MrBond]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I sat and had a conversation with my brother and mother regarding what is going to happen. My brother won't be fully in charge and there will be other people in the office other then my family. In all honesty like a sports player it comes down to the money. At 37 I can't go someplace and get offered what I was offered from Aetna. The pay cut doesn't help me with my future.
I will admit the money is the tempting part and I want a house for my kids with a backyard and a dog.
I feel this is something new. My job will change as well within the company.
I feel like if I stay for the duration then I can put money away.
Also at the moment I have no other offers. I received an email from Aetna telling me I was not going to fit with there team of customer service reps.
At the moment I am thinking of my future and my kids. More money means I can pay down my debt faster and start looking for a home closer to my kids and out of the basement. I can start my new life.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223796 - 02/20/12 11:51 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Heard from my wife just once today and that was a forwarded email from groupon for bounce u. I emailed her to see how her weekend was. Heard nothing at all. Usually she talks to me either through email or instant messenger. After I left on Saturday she texted me a few times I was picking some things up for kids. She had a therapy appointment and I am assuming my son asked her where she was going. He had asked me about my therapy the previous tuesday night. He wanted to know why I was packing my gym bag. I told him I was going to therapy to fix daddy and hopefully help fix us then I was going to the gym.

She text me and said "On a side note can I please monitor what I say to my son about us, he was commenting about me and therapy and trying to "make it better", She doesn't think he needs to know all that."

Ok me man me make fire with rock. Did I do something wrong. He asked a question about why I was going. Is this still her guilt kicking in?
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223797 - 02/20/12 11:56 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Forgot to post this one. I am not sure if my brother means to make these comments or not but I told him tonight to stop with them. Last Monday he was asking if I was bringing my kids to my moms on Tuesday for dinner. Then said oh I forgot. Meaning he forgot I lived there. Wednesday he was talking about someone we work with that has a condo in Las vegas and is losing money on it by selling it. Then looked at me and said oops forgot you had a condo.
Tonight he asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant for dinner. I said thats fine but ask mom cause she picked up something for dinner. She told him to ask me. He laughed and said we were like an old married couple.
My response was knock it the hell off with those comments already I don't appreciate them. He said he was joking. I told him I don't need those jokes. If he really wants I can go after him to the point he and I will not speak anymore.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223958 - 02/21/12 03:13 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10682
I would suggest DBing your brother. What can you do differently that will have him stop? I would suggest you talk to him firmly and confidently. No emotions. Look him square in the eye and don't back down. Also don't take on the tone of the "little brother". (You better quit it, or else, etc.) Talk to him like a man.

If you don't want to deal with this, then find another job.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2223967 - 02/21/12 03:57 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: MrBond]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
LOL DB my brother. I like that one. I am not taking his crap anymore and he knows it. The way my temper is or at least was since I stopped holding it in. I was the proverbial volcano. My brother was my best man for my wedding. He and a bunch of friends flew to Vegas for my bachelor party and I drove out from LA to meet them. The first night a friend of mine was working in Vegas and got to the hotel late and was meeting us at the restaurant we were going to. In the limo my friend called me and told me they canceled his room. I told my brother this and he said he is lying and no they didn't. In front of everyone I released on my brother with a bunch of sarcastic remarks that made him a little person. From that day on he watches what he says usually.
Recently I don't let him get away with these comments. Like yesterday I told him that was 3 times in a week he has made a comment that I don't appreciate. Its a matter of time. Like I wrote before and told my wife, I stopped taking any [censored] from my family last May.

I will say this though I and my mom are the one thing that hold my sister and brother together. This was one of the things my father told me every time he was going for a surgery when he was sick. He told me to keep them together I was the glue. So that always sits in the back of my head.
Guess I will note this down and talk with my therapist about it next week.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2224271 - 02/22/12 04:27 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Yea I realized it after I told him that. When he asks usually both my W and I are good with it. We tell him we are not sure what is going to happen but no matter what we both love him and my daughter very much. He also knows we could be two families.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2224717 - 02/24/12 04:43 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Kind of ironic I think my wife went dark on me. This week.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2224798 - 02/24/12 10:36 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8669
Loc: Sonoran Desert
How does it feel? Calmer?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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