Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,375
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,375
SA,

You know I got an apology of sorts. For the fact that things didn't work out. I guess it was around 3 years or so after the bomb. Strange things happen in the minds of our MLCer's.
Stranger than I wabt to try to figure out sometimes.

Anyway, just thought I would share...

Hope you are doing well smile



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
cat04 #2217408 01/31/12 07:27 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
I got lots of apologies just after the EA, and we were supposed to be in piecing. But, years later, he hasn't changed at all. It's all very well to say sorry, but you have to act it too. He kept me hanging for more than 6 years. So, apologies don't mean anything, unless they do the work too.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe #2217413 01/31/12 10:15 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
Cat and BeingMe, thank you for posting. It's all very interesting.

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,326
Likes: 20
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,326
Likes: 20
Hi SA. Not sure if you saw my new thread, but I did post an update.

I wanted to comment on this that you said earlier in your thread:

Quote:
I also know that no marriage is perfect, but in reading about the reasons the MLCer gives for leaving the marriage, a lot of them seem so superficial and petty.


Very true! My X gave these reasons for leaving me:

I wouldn't get a vasectomy.

I always took her to the wrong grocery store.

I wouldn't let her wear what she wanted.

She was never dark enough for me.

I wouldn't let her adopt a daughter from China.

Amazing stuff isn't it? Hope you are well.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
My H recently told me that he resented me for always talking him out of the cool cars he wanted to buy. These were little fix-it minis, and a funny little yellow MG. In the end, he bought an old Jeep, that burst into flames while he was on the road. I did him a favor, but he doesn't see it. I just said to him, "if you really wanted those cars, I wouldn't have been able to talk him out of it."


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe #2224099 02/22/12 09:30 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
Something I'm very curious about and TBH used to bother me greatly but detachment and time have lessened those feelings.

H will no longer enter my house (except at Christmas) and even will go as far as calling from his car to the house if the girls aren't out there when he comes to pick them up. The door is 20' from the driveway.

He will go to great lengths to avoid seeing me and can't even stand to talk to me on the phone. The only real way he will communicate with me is through email and text.

Through email he will sometimes ask what I think about something he has done. He asks for my opinion or what I think? Granted these things are few and far between but sometimes throw me off a bit although I no longer dwell about their meaning.

Just curious why he wants to know what I think and at the same time can no longer look at me or talk to me face to face? He will literally turn his head away from me, so he doesn't have to look at me. Does anyone else experience this and/or have an explanation or opinion?

Just for background, I haven't talked R with H face to face or brought up anything that would induce guilt (since BD almost 2 1/2 years ago). I am upbeat and smiling whenever there's an encounter and happy to report I don't have to 'act as if' anymore. It's genuine.:)

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Seeking,
I think your xh is very ashamed and guilty for what he's done. He can't look you in the eye because he knows that he's really hurt you. They tend to feel more comfortable utilizing electronics to stay in touch w/us. He's not comfortable in his own skin and doesn't know how to deal w/it, just like a child who has done something terribly wrong and doesn't know how to talk about it w/a parent.

I do believe that one day, he will make a move and come into your home, but it's going to be a while. He's still testing the waters w/you and needs to make sure it is a safe environment, even though you have been gracious and kind, they still remain cautious for a long time.

If I were you, I'd continue doing what you are doing and live your life to the fullest. He is the one that has to find a way to catch up to you and your life as it is today.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2224426 02/23/12 03:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,549
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,549
Seeking,

Mine did that for the longest time, about 3 years. Over Christmas he came over and really acted like he wanted to come in. I invited him in and he looked around the house a lot. He stayed for about an hour, talked and left suddenly. It was so weird and unexpected. Continue to be consistent in how you treat him.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

job #2224503 02/23/12 09:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,588
Thank you for your responses Snodderly and Trusting.

Snodderly, you sure put a different spin on it than I was thinking. My thoughts were that he harbored such hatred for me that he couldn't stand to look at or be around me.

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,971
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,971
Seeking,

Not to hijack your site, but you pose a question that I have long pondered. What Snodderly says makes perfect sense, but the opposite is also just as obvious. I often ask myself if all the psycho-babble BS is what is real, or is it just what we tell ourselves to make it palatable? OUR self justification for the way things have turned out?

I apologize if I offend anyone. I do not mean to rain on anyone's parade, much less destroy their hopes. I am in the same boat as everyone here. I just want to be totally honest with myself on this. No D happens by itself. I truly believe we all have our own guilt to bear on that point. And nothing excuses the way most of us have been betrayed and hurt. Although my X has absolutely nothing to do with me in any way, shape, form or fashion, I have to ask myself, DOES HE TRULY HATE MY GUTS? HOW much of this am I responsible for?

Again, not to hijack, you just pulled the pin on something I have never been able to come to terms with.

Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard