I got an email from H today. H is obviously PO'd. Here is his email...
"WHO is making all the calls to XXX and XXX? There was $16.60 extra on the bill last month. Tell whoever to knock it off or pay it themselves."
I'm not sure which child has made the long distance phone calls. I am investigating. I can tell you that this is the first time since H took over paying the utilities last Feb. that this has happened.
I will be honest that I am angry to have gotten this kind of email as far as the tone of it. I have been very careful in how I manage the finances.
My question is, do I respond? Do I let it go? Should I send him the lousy $16.60? I live on a fourth of the income he has, this is not considering ow's income.
Why does he think it's OK to talk to me in this manner? Am I being too sensitive?
Deep down inside do you think it will help bring him back?
One other point....in YOUR words....."I live on a fourth of the income he has".
Just my 2 cents.
I hope you are okay sweetie.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You deserve respect. You didn't make those calls therefor: NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
This one sparked something in me. If you didn't read my post from last week-end, i was accuse of telling the kids he was a liar. Both stories came out of his mouth and had nothing to do with me. If he didn't lie to D16 then, he lied to the other 3. His feeling of failing them, once again, is what pissed him off. I had nothing to do with it.
Don't take responsability for something that doesn't belong to you. If one of your kid made the calls, your MLCer should have a talk with him or her, not you.
Dear SA - to reply or not, and if you do reply what do you say?
If I replied, and I am not sure whether i would or not, then I would say 'I have no idea who is making the calls. Why not raise it directly with the chlldre?'.
But the bigger question is the degree to which you are still financially entwined. If your xh assumed paying the bill, then the alleged misuse is clearly his problem, not yours. But if it is just 'unfinished business' then I would suggest you get things disentangled asap. Just so it is clear.
Seeking, I would not respond to his email. Quite frankly, he's pissed because of the situation he finds himself in. Stop and think about it, it is 5 days before Christmas and he's not a happy little brat, so he does not want you to be happy either. The mlcers tend to do nasty things around holidays because they are miserable and they want to remind us that they are out there.
My advice, find out which child made the calls and have that child either call him or email him. It's not about the call, but about control.
I'm w/Bea, you may need to rethink him paying the bills for you and get the phone switched over to your name. Whatever you do, do not email him right now. You do not need your holidays ruined because of his rude and crude emails.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Eric, I can assure you that my motive for repaying H the money is not me trying to get him back. The reason I mentioned me living on a fourth of his income is because $16.60 really means less to him than it does to me. Especially as his reasons for not following through on the D is because he doesn't want to share 'his' money with me.
Mach, you made me LOL. Your response was much nicer than the one I felt like shooting off as a first reaction to that email.
Cat, I must admit that what you said hadn't even entered my mind. I didn't make those phone calls but if he's truly thinking I may have, well then he can just go on believing it. I won't respond.
Merry Christmas to you too, my friend.
I get it that he's paying the utilities and that extra charges aren't necessary. What made me angry is why did he approach it in this manner? What was the purpose? I would have been glad to respond to an email asking if I could find out who was racking up the extra charges in a decent tone.
For whatever reason H has gone back to anger mode again, not just with this incident but with several other things he's said lately. He hasn't shown anger like this since BD.
I'm going to be very honest with you. Until H started paying most of the utilities last Feb. I had very little financial wiggle room. It has really helped out. I was satisfied with this arrangement and it worked out well and never a cross word was said until now.
When I went to get a consultation with my L early last Feb., he informed me that according to H's income he should be paying me about about $300 a month more in C/S than what he does. Him taking over the utilities brings that right up to where it should have been all along. That is not including what alimony payments would be.
I have let H live his life and I've been polite if I've had to ask for something or find something out. I do not treat him with any disrespect, but I guess it's too much of an expectation to think he should treat me the same.
