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A Message from Michele
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General Info for Newcomers #2215930
01/26/12 03:11 AM
01/26/12 03:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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dbmod  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Welcome to divorcebusting.com!

The purpose of this site is to help you navigate through the solution-oriented techniques created by Michele Weiner-Davis that have been proven for over 30 years to save marriages. Her techniques are spelled out in the materials linked to this site, but most commonly on this board we are talking about Divorce Busting(DB), Divorce Remedy(DR) and Keeping Love Alive (KLA). Most of the folks here are familiar with one or more of these works, and while it's most helpful if you familiar with the techniques we will help you navigate them. This is not a peer-counseling site, it's a brainstorming solutions site. And yet, some folks will give you 'advice'.

Some of our members are more experienced with the materials than others. Some are not. And sometimes you will find advice that contradicts the principles here. You will find that those who know the principles and are committed to marriage will challenge bad advice. Good advice is about brining MORE LOVE into your relationship and therefore helps you brainstorm solutions. Bad 'advice' is very self centered and does the opposite.

We don't catch everything, though, so your BEST bet is to compare the advice you receive to the materials (DB/DR/KLA). And if it's confusing, click NOTIFY. We will help you as soon as we am able. Better yet--call for an appointment with a DB Coach.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215931
01/26/12 03:12 AM
01/26/12 03:12 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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Which forum is MOST appropriate for me?

If you are new to this site, and especially if your spouse has a foot out the door--start with Newcomers, at least initially, to learn the basic techniques/skills. You will also want to check out the Divorce Remedy forum. Then:

If you are dealing with the specific issue of Infidelity, you might like to check out that forum.

If you are having trouble with a SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE, you may also like to find some support and creative solutions on that forum.


When your spouse is really willing to work with you, and has stopped talking about leaving, you are PIECING. I'll explain later, but it's important to catch that step and act accordingly. This is the space in which to really build your skillset and strengthen your relationship. You may find you backslide here, that's ok. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off--you're still 'Piecing' unless you really want to join a different forum. There is no need to go back to newcomers. You just begin again with a 'Beginner's Mind' if you need to.


Later, when you feel yo uare on more solid ground or that you have advanced, we have a forum for you if you'd still like to work on your DB skillset and get support: After Reconciling--Keeping the Changes Going.


We have other forums that you may want to check out, but this is the 'nuts and bolts'.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215932
01/26/12 03:13 AM
01/26/12 03:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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What is piecing?

What are your measurements of success? Do you feel you are good at catching the small successes and building on them? Do you feel you need a full melding of the minds / perfect harmony befor you feel you've made it.

Piecing is where you having a willing partner, working with you. You are no longer in the LRT. Your spouse is talking about being with you and not talking about leaving.

This is where you really build your skillset, and the better you do that, the more likely you won't be back at the heartbreak point.




Michele's facebook quote here is a real teaching point:

Quote:


When things are going right in your marriage, pay special attention to how you and your spouse act, think & feel. Reproduce these traits when things start going downhill.

Experiment, monitor results, modify accordingly.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215933
01/26/12 03:14 AM
01/26/12 03:14 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Just a reminder to post carefully and to know that once something is out there on the internet, it's forever.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2227547
03/05/12 04:16 AM
03/05/12 04:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
california
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Lioness4 Offline
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Lioness4  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
california
I have been separated 6 weeks. No real communciation. 27 years married, 3 kids. He said he has never gotten to live his life.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Lioness4] #2228203
03/06/12 09:30 PM
03/06/12 09:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Sonoran Desert
Lioness4, if you want responses you should create your own thread so others will see it and respond. You will be on moderation for awhile.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: labug] #2229478
03/10/12 11:57 PM
03/10/12 11:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 335
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YankeeCandle Offline
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YankeeCandle  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 335
What does moderation mean? I have submitted two topics, neither of which have popped up. Please advise. Thanks!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: YankeeCandle] #2234626
03/31/12 10:10 PM
03/31/12 10:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
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Hope-Love Offline
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Hope-Love  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
How do you get off of moderation? I need help now! Thanks.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Hope-Love] #2237372
04/12/12 07:02 AM
04/12/12 07:02 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
NW USA
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LIO Offline
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LIO  Offline
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NW USA
Originally Posted By: Hope-Love
How do you get off of moderation? I need help now! Thanks.

Yes I would like to know how to get off moderation as well. I've posted 2 comments, 1 topic and would like to know when I can start to participate!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: LIO] #2238400
04/17/12 12:25 AM
04/17/12 12:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 27
Pittsburgh, PA
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alby44 Offline
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alby44  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 27
Pittsburgh, PA
Yes I would like to know how to get off moderation as well. I've posted 3 comments, 1 topic and would like to know when I can start to participate!


Me (34), W(30)
3 kids (7, 5, 1.5)
Married 9 years
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