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#2233580 - 03/27/12 04:23 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: MrBond]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I do need to stop apologizing at times.

How do I use the book now? We barely communicate except through emails. Only face to face we have is when I drop kids off.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2233735 - 03/27/12 08:04 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I still have my sites set on moving in the summer or fall into my own home.
I wish it was that simple and not have to see her. However with 2 kids makes it that much harder. Especially since I am asst coaching my sons t-ball team and she will be at games and practices. We shall see how this goes as well.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2233753 - 03/27/12 09:17 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11000
You have young kids so you have to communicate more about them. Really study the principles of DB and not just the strategy portion. When you truly understand them, you will be able to relate to your W no matter how briefly you see each other.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2234804 - 04/02/12 03:44 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
We spoke about what I thought taxes, kids with camp and of course us. She wants to know why I am still holding onto hope considering she is in a relationship right now. She asked me if I was going to wait for that to end then we would get back together. I told her I don't really know. I am not dating right now cause I am not really ready. Plus living in my mothers basement is not how I want to bring a girl home. Just good for jokes.
We went through what went wrong in our relationship and she told me we were and are still good at the friends part plus I have always been a good father. It was the partnership. Which I agreed on. But now it is different. I told her I was not coming into this to beg or plead and if we were to get back together there was a lot to work on and therapy to go through. She wants me to be happy. I told her I was happy right now being a father. I did tell her it would be nice ot go for a walk in New hope on nice days or go someplace with someone is what I miss.

I feel good about myself tonight and I feel good where we left everything for now.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

Top
#2236363 - 04/08/12 08:28 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
So weekly update. My son was off from school this past week for break. We had alot of time this week together. Monday I dropped both kids off at the sitters and my wife picked them up. Tuesday night they were with me. I also had them at the office with me on Wednesday and dropped them off at home that night. Well dropped them off with my neighbor since my wife was stuck in traffic and I had a 6pm therapy session.
I told my therapist what happened with the meeting as well as having a small chat with my father in law. My car needed a new alternator so I dropped it off to him Tuesday morning. When I picked the car up later in the afternoon he came outside to talk with me. He told me my mother in law had invited me over for dinner and I declined. I told him with everything going on right now I did not feel right. I also told him I feel like I let him and my MIL down Jen was my responsibility I asked for her hand in marriage and failed to protect and keep her safe. My therapist also said I still feel the failure aspect. My FIL looked at me and said I didn't fail anyone things change and she changed they still know I love her and my job now is taking care of my kids and getting my house for us. He said he doesn't know exactly what is going on and that my wife doesn't talk with him about it. I told him its not my place to inform him of things I know. He knows that she and I spoke that previous Sunday and I told him that I told her I still love her and would marry her again if we were to get divorced. Can I wait I don't know. All this was told to my therapist who is still amazed at me holding out hope. I told him when you love someone that's all you have.
I left two easter cards in my FIL truck for him to take home since I am not there today. First time in14 years I have had to find something to do today. Gym is not open and I can't go anyway. Ran a 2.62 mile race yesterday and then swam for my triathlon. Concentrating on that now is my priority as well as work, kids and home.
So today I went into work to clean my desk up now I am back at my moms with borrowed ps3 games to kill the time. I did text my wife and wished her, kids and everyone at her parents house a happy easter. She asked me how Passover was going. I told her same things as every year except this year I can't figure out how to keep count of my calories.

Just more rambling
Have a good holiday
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2240724 - 04/25/12 06:41 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Still around and pretty much on the verge of being done. I am 3/4 done with that last 1/4 hoping she will eventually change her mind. I have spoken with a lot of friends that know us and they still can't believe she is acting this way. Went to my in-laws house for dinner with my kids last week. They invited me over again. They don't even know what she is thinking. I know they will not approve of the guy she is with now. Her dad even called her a fool. So I have become the spouse only a fool would leave.
I have been doing much better over the past month. Had a slight set back last weekend 4/15. One of my good friends mom passed away and the funeral was one day before my dads death anniversary. My wife came to the funeral as well and we sat next to each other. Joked a little she noticed I was wearing my fathers ring and said sorry to me regarding the next day. The rabbi was talking about the relationship the mother had with the father and how they spoke all the time and would go out etc. This I could tell bothered my wife, I did not look over but could sense she tensed up a little. When I dropped of my kids that night one of the other drinking couples came home and were in the parking lot. I got this look from the wife that seemed like a pity stare.
One thing that has helped is everyone is complimenting me on how I look. Lost 16 pounds and I am more muscular.
I am now on dating sights and was emailing with two women but now nothing. I am ready to see what is out there. I know it is not the thing to do. But it will be one year next Tuesday and I need to live for myself and kids.
Been busy the past few weekends as well. Went to see Gabriel Iglesias with my friend whose mother passed. This past weekend went and saw Rodrigo y Gabriela with another friend. These were the tickets I offered to my wife but since she turned them down I went with friends and enjoyed the whole time. Didn't think of her once. This weekend I am flying out to visit friends in Los Angeles. So I am keeping busy.
Also assistant coaching my sons t ball team and loving every minute I spend with my kids.
My goal is to start looking for a house for the three of us this summer and hopefully be able to move in end of summer into fall. They deserve a backyard to play in and I want my own place.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2249442 - 05/29/12 04:15 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Hello. Been a while again been very busy at work and at home. This week will be 1 year 1 month on Friday. My trip to LA was cathartic and helped me figure things out. I feel I am able to start a new chapter in my life and the interesting thing is not knowing what will happen. With only one exception. I am responsible for all the decisions.
My W is fully into her relationship to the point where the kids know he is around. My son sort of understands and I talk with him about it. My daughter is almost 4 and at the age of wanting to do her own thing. When she is with me she argues and does not want to listen and says she wants mommy. Nothing I can do for her but try my best. Its hard being a single parent and very tiring at the same time.
I am on a few dating sites because I am lonely and I need to be happy. Just before leaving LA for Philly I got an email from a girl I was talking with and she told me to call her when I got back. We have text and spoken on the phone a few times. Every time we try to get together she has canceled then I get an apology. Now I don't want to offend but I am starting to think women are nuts. All my friends that know both my W and I and they still think something is up with my W. One suggested mid life crisis. So I was curious and looked it up. One of the parts to a MLC is the spouse will go for someone way below the person they are leaving. Well that pretty much resembles us. I don't know if I did I would have answers, which I don't. So moving on.

Two Saturdays ago I was at the YMCA training for my Triathlon which took place last weekend. I was doing my laps in the pool when I noticed OM standing on the deck with his back to me. Then my W came out. OM went into another pool to attempt to hide. I finished up and walked over to my W to talk with her for a bit. I then informed her I was going to go speak with OM. She gave me a deer in headlights look. I went over shook his hand and informed him that she will always be special to me, and not to hurt her(which he will). I also informed him that she is a package deal and has our two kids. I then said to him if anything happens to my two kids and he is around then the only person he has to worry about is me. I am the one he has to answer two if something happens to my children. He said he understood and that he did not mean for this to happen. I know my wife and I know how this happened. This is how our relationship happened. I was there to talk to and be the one to give support. So he was full of [censored]. For him its all about convenience. Once he gets his license back, oh and a job he will be out at bars and they will be done. She will fall hard and probably blame me like it says in the books.
I was talking with my neighbor who was sitting with him and after a few drinks OM said he will always be an alcoholic, he doesn't want to get married and doesn't want kids. So why you seeing a mother of 2? Convenience.
Another ego boost for me. When we ran the race and the past few times I have seen my wife I have noticed she has gained some weight. I am going to assume the drinking life style is too blame.

Still taking it day to day week to week and moving on to bigger better things for kids and I.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2249452 - 05/29/12 05:13 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Witz I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish by threatening om like that.

I also wonder when someone takes a couple of examples and says "women this" and "women that." Um, every person is completely unique, even all the ones with girl parts. If you haven't learned to walk away from an online woman who shows unappealing qualities without categorizing all women as nuts then you have some work to do in learning to get to know and appreciate the unique qualities of A woman.

Your positive attitude toward the future is really great, and your commitment to taking good care of your kids is too. I wish you the best.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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#2249470 - 05/29/12 06:00 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: adinva]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Adinva. I am just making him aware that I know about him occasionally watching my children and his drinking when he is around them.

I also know women are all different and everyone has there own thing. Just seems I have found some really winners as of late.


Just a quick little tid bit of confusion. I really don't speak with my W all that much. But last week she contacted me on some strange things. I needed some paperwork from her for a loan I am trying to get, so I text her. She was fine with it then told me her Grandfather was diagnosed with dementia. I told her I was sorry he is a nice man and if her parents needed help with anything to let me know. I also asked her if she was ok. She said she was fine, like usual. We did not talk again till that Thursday. She went to the Phillies game Wednesday night with OM. How do I know this well it was on the Cozi family calendar site. Now with her being a psychologist she has a work calendar as well as a home calendar. Why post on the family calendar that she was going, only for me to see it and know she was going. Makes no sense. Is she trying to make me jealous? Then on Thursday she instant messaged me out of the blue that she has a conundrum and needs advice. I asked her what it was. An old friend of ours has a boyfriend that my W found on the megans law website. Something he did 10 years ago in his 30's. Do I think our friend knows. I said its something I am assuming he has brought to her attention and sadly I have not spoken to her in a long time and neither has my W. So if for some reason my W is out and has the kids and sees them, if for some reason she becomes uncomfortable then say you have to be someplace and excuse yourself. Was my advice.
She then informed me it has been a weird week for her and the guy almost dying at the phils game the night before was just another. I then laughed to myself and said OK what happened now. Apparently where she was standing in the parking lot some guy was there not even 5 minutes later and fell over having a heart attack. The same spot she was 5 minutes prior. This weirded her out. I asked was the guy alright? She said they were doing cpr on him. Now if it was me I would have stuck around as a witness instead she went into the game with OM.
I informed her this was the weirdest IM conversation we have ever had.

Is it me or was she reaching out or something? I don't know. This past weekend she went down to the beach to OM's family house. She asked me if she could take the kids with. I told her no I had plans with them, which I did. Plus I wanted her to see him in his element lets say. Last year when he went down with my neighbor the first night he got drunk and mouthed off to a cop who then threw him down to the ground. So when I dropped kids off to her yesterday afternoon she asked me if something was wrong, I was quiet and not talkative. I said nope. I mean what am I going to say with people in the pool next to the parking lot. Yes something is wrong for someone who is so smart your a fool for putting all of us through this. Nope I will wait and do that when she gives me separation papers, of which I am still waiting.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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