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#2221237 - 02/12/12 02:30 PM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: MynameisMZ]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11978
Knock knock Abbey - you around? Are you okay???

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#2221929 - 02/14/12 04:03 PM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: kml]
abbey1989 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/08/11
Posts: 246
Loc: Southern California
Hi there,

Happy V day to all of my fellow DB'ers. Valentine's Day will NEVER be the same for me. I found out about H's OW on Valentine's Day in 2009.

Since our finances are tight right now, I just made H some cupcakes (gluten free). He loved them I suppose. He called me at work around 11:30 this a.m. and said he was headed up to his former jobsite where his guys are doing another small project. He said he will be done after that. So we talked about making dinner, something special like steak, red wine, ya-da ya-da. Since I don't really ever cook steak or even know the cuts very well, I called him back about 1/2 hr later while at the grocery. He didn't answer.

I know where he is in my heart (no pun intended). My guess is either at lunch with OW or at her place.

He was home all weekend. HIGHLY unusual. We worked a lot around the house and relaxed both evenings instead of meeting up with friends like usual. He brought me to his client's open house in San Clemente. I guess I am good enough for that.

This morning I felt strong, confident and had a bit of a whatever attitude about H and his goings on. Then, because I do think I have crazy spot on intuition, when he called around 11:30 it made me sick thinking that he wasn't going where he said he was but instead is with OW. I GUARANTEE IT.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Headed back to work now. xoxo, A.
_________________________
Me - 49
H - 56
S - 23
D - 20
Married 25 years
H moved out 10/11/13
H moved back in 10/13/13
H moved out again 8/1/14

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#2222007 - 02/14/12 08:45 PM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: abbey1989]
MynameisMZ Offline
Member

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 482
Happy V-day Abbey 19....
_________________________
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29
S 22,21, 19
Bomb 4/10
It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013
We all have work to do


The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.

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#2222941 - 02/17/12 11:30 AM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: MynameisMZ]
angel61 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/10
Posts: 1046
Loc: California
Abbey, Abbey....

Have you read all our posts? Have you thought about them? What are you doing for yourself? you have a very low self esteem, based on your statement

" I guess I am good enough for that".

All of your posts are about your H, and what he did for you. And also, even with all that we have been saying, you are still mind reading and second guessing and guaranteeing what you cannot see.

Again, I ask you, what is the purpose of that? What does it gain you, in your sitch, to think of all of that?

Have you gone to counseling? or call a DB coach?
_________________________
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go

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#2222984 - 02/17/12 01:16 PM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: angel61]
too trusting Offline
Member

Registered: 07/21/11
Posts: 133
Abbey, here is another thing to think about...

make a list of all the things you do for him. like, are you the one to encourage him when he's feeling down? you do errands for him to save him the time and effort? (even though you both work - but you probably do both your own and his errands.) you raised his kids. (ok, they're your kids too, but probably you put a lot more work than he did into taking care of them when they were young, being there for them at all ages, even doing things for them now that they are at college. and he didn't do those things, or not as much, i.e. he gets the benefits of fatherhood without having to do the work.) you give him respectability in the community (he is a "happily married man" not a divorcee.) and you could probably add a lot more to the list. just make a list of why he would be a fool to leave you. even if you don't need it right away, it will do wonders for your self-esteem. and if/when you need it, you will have an answer for him.

and, what does OW do for him? probably very little.
_________________________
Me: 60 H: 63
married 40, together 42
3 grown kids

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#2240347 - 04/24/12 09:36 AM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: too trusting]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 4651
Loc: Florida
Abbey,

How about an update? How are things going for you? Was reading some back threads from tpc, and saw your name and thought of you, and was wondering.


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2243859 - 05/09/12 12:28 AM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: Starsky309]
abbey1989 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/08/11
Posts: 246
Loc: Southern California
Hi there friends.......hope all is well!

With me, I have seen some changes. H has been home almost every weekend for the last 6 weeks or so. We actually spend time together now working in the garden, cooking and hiking.

My heart still hurts when things pop into my mind! I don't think I'll ever feel very trusting of my H again. I think he knows that.....But we have never discussed it. I do believe he is still in contact with OW (and doing what else I don't know!), but after I left him a message on his "bat phone", he conveniently disconnected that line a few weeks later. He just thought he was so ismart and stealth and that I was stupid. What a liar! Embarrassing really.

We had a long talk about "trust" on our hike on Sunday as it related to our college age children. I wonder if we will ever have that discussion about our own R!

xo, A.
_________________________
Me - 49
H - 56
S - 23
D - 20
Married 25 years
H moved out 10/11/13
H moved back in 10/13/13
H moved out again 8/1/14

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#2243861 - 05/09/12 12:53 AM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: Starsky309]
abbey1989 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/08/11
Posts: 246
Loc: Southern California
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
Abbey,

This will continue until YOU decide that honesty and fidelity in your marriage is more important than having your flannel nighie laid out, and your deceitful husband making you grilled cheese and coup.

He's playing you, HE knows he's playing you, YOU know he's playing you, and -- most destructively -- HE KNOWS THAT YOU KNOW that he's playing you . . . and yet you allow it to continue.

It's completely up to you. But DON'T expect anything to change.


Starsky


When I re-read some of these posts I just want to hit myself in the head (V-8 style ya know?). Working on some stuff........
_________________________
Me - 49
H - 56
S - 23
D - 20
Married 25 years
H moved out 10/11/13
H moved back in 10/13/13
H moved out again 8/1/14

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#2243905 - 05/09/12 09:28 AM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: abbey1989]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 4651
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: abbey1989


We had a long talk about "trust" on our hike on Sunday as it related to our college age children. I wonder if we will ever have that discussion about our own R!




I suppose when you're ready, you will. In the meantime, don't expect anything to change from the current patterns.

Don't think that your college-age children aren't learning from this.

When you're ready, we are here, Abbey.


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2244379 - 05/10/12 07:26 PM Re: CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE! [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
If you choose to drive away... be prepared to say, "I am done snooping and chasing my H and his OW. They are free to do what they want and I cannot control that."

Thanks, using this line for myself. Sorry to steal from another post.

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