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Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves

I know that I should leave it between them but I was really worried about S15. I went to the back of the house and told him that it was wrong and the reason was because it hurt my feelings so much. S15 apologized to me for hurting my feelings.



Just to clarify, I meant that I told S15 that what H said to him was wrong. He had no right to call him the name that he called him. He tends to lash out when angry, He has done it with me and both S's. I felt I needed S15 to hear that it was inappropriate.


-Autumn

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Autumn...

I feel like I could have been reading parts of my history...

But...

I'd like you to deliver a message to H...

He'd better put a really, good honest effort in to this M... Because, as my xH can tell you, especially now...

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER TO KEEP HER!

(Okay, that was meant for a laugh... But, sadly true this week!)


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Seriously, WTG in how you're dealing w/your sons.

I never stood up to my Mr. Explosive, until I was "done". I have to tell you... He didn't know what to do with it! The big bully!

Keep making sure your boys know what are appropriate boundaries, actions, and MAN-like behavior, even if Dad's not living it.

Also, don't be too offended by their jokes. They (including my S15 in this), but they act old, and like they know everything, but they really don't fully understand. And, if they do, then they deserve a good tongue lashing from Mom!


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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LOL I knew where you were coming from MF, it is funny and true.

I agree with you about the boys, this one was particularly offensive. But thankfully after talking to both of them privately, they don't really think that way. It was a tasteless joke that he regrets now that he knows my feelings were hurt.

For the most part I let it roll off, roll my eyes and move on.


-Autumn

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Autumn...

I'm off to sunny San Diego tonight, for the weekend! Love that! I'm in Illinois, btw... What a great change of scenery!

I'm actually working. I hate trade shows, but I always volunteer for this one, as it is usually in Palm Springs in January... This year, San Diego in February! Not bad... Not bad... Plus, I get to leave on Monday, when the work really begins, as my S15's bball team starts Sectionals! YAY!

Anyways, have a really good weekend... And, keep the goodness flowing!

How's the search for a MC?


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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MF have a wonderful trip!! That sounds perfect. Good time to get out of the cold and have a nice warm weekend. I work a few trade shows a year but never in a great place like San Diego. Go you!!

I have a weekend full of basketball games, 6 by Monday. Yikes! I am looking forward to it though.

Have a great weekend. I hope to have a MC by early next week. Nothing yet. I am taking Rick's advice and just calling the number on my card, starting from there.


-Autumn

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Made some wonderful plans with some girlfriends for tomorrow. Heading out to lunch and some window shopping, most importantly spending time together.

On Sunday I was supposed to have my reunion for the workshop I did last weekend, but I won't be able to attend. My father, his wife and my youngest brother are coming to town to see S15's basketball game. It is the first time they will be visiting in 8 years and I need to be there, so I cancelled my reunion. I am glad they are coming.

It will be a nice mixture of friends and family this weekend.


-Autumn

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OK so it is very possible that I am just interacting too much, and I really do want feedback from Vets if possible.

I don't know what to do when H flips the script on me. I get sucked in and feel like I need to explain or apologize. I drive myself nuts. It is possible I just need to stop talking and walk away.

So an example of what I am talking about is, H has been making plans for work trips. This is a new project but he is so excited to travel. It always bothered him if people would ask him about my job or work travel, he would shut down (never noticed this til recently

So he is making these plans and travels with his boss (male). When I was commenting on a conference with a work colleague via Facebook, he came home irate. All I said to the colleague was "I'd love to hear more about it" and he literally went off o me for a while.

He proceeded to say that its not "equal"..um ok??? and now he is due to go on another one. I proceeded to explain that i was only asking for information, and found it odd that he was watching my facebook like that.

The conversation was way too long and too destructive, and I told him that it was extremely juvenile.

Shocking that we need MC isn't it? Our communication skills are stellar.

Walking away may be best in a situation such as this, don't you think? I don't think he would be any more p!ssed than he already was.


-Autumn

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Ugh I re-read it and see it for what it is...utterly ridiculous. Answer is right in front of me...


-Autumn

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Autumn,
You are making great progress.
I'm no vet.. but here are a few questions to get some thoughts flowing.

Why do you feel the need to apologize and explain all the time?

What do you feel would happen if you walked away from a destructive conversation?

What do you feel would happen if in the midst of seeing the conversation escalate, you call attention to it?

Do you fear "pissing" him off even more?


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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