well dang, if ya'll are going I may as well go back and do "Team" again...
but then I think, "nah, they need to go and get the full "anonymous" dealio".
What do you think Autumn?
I went and my sil (whom I was/am close to) did Team, but she told me for a few of the exercises, that she'd be stepping out or doing dinner, so I could feel zero inhibitions, etc.
I knew she wanted me to be comfortable about ANYTHING - including family issues, and on the chance that I might be inhibited, she removed herself as an obstacle.
There were a few minutes I felt better about her stepping out, but in general, I really loved having someone there who knew me and had done it and thought I'd get something out of it...I trusted her and she was SO right... So I was glad when she stepped back into the room. And I have not, in 20 years, heard someone reveal something inappropriate about another person.
It's nice when people recognize the value of keeping their commitments and are not just whining about the "Costs" and hassles of it.
so, what's your take on it Autumn? Were you worried someone from DB (moi??) was there, or anything like that? Would you have been as comfy with a semi friend from the virtual world?
When I went as a participant, for ME, it was the safest place to "get it all out" that I ever felt. And someone there knew me, but like I said, I trusted her --enough to spend money we did not then have, to go and get my head screwed on a bit straighter.
Autumn, I can call Eric if you want, and I can your # from him or visa versa. Would love to hear more about the experiences in a way that's comfortable and appropriate.
Peeps, understand that b/c it's "experiential" (as opposed to lectures, readings, etc) Autumn can't go on & on about it specifically, or tell you everything (But don't worry. It's not a weirdo cult.
Retrovaille also suggests we not share details of our experience with others for similar reasons.
And like Retrovaille, which I also attended --some of it has to "hit you for the first time THERE" so you can't BS yourself with a "nice sounding" answer.
I used to internally rehearse my answers for mc. I didn't see anything wrong or unhealthy about it. Thought I was preparing...But I had no idea what I was also repressing.
So, hence the approach.
Gosh I'm glad you went!
xoxo
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 I was actually sad that you weren't there for my workshop! It wouldn't have changed my experience and I still would have been just as open to get my full experience.
I hope to be able to serve on a team in the future too.
Yes please do call Eric. He is aware of the situation and will definitely give you my contact info. I originally told Joanne and ended up speaking with Eric and Barb as well, about how I can to find them but not knowing your real name. I know that he will help us to connect. I will be seeing everyone on Sunday, thankfully.
25 is right, I can't really get into specifics. It truly is an experience and different for each person. Outside of the Q&A on the site, there are no firm answers that will be helpful. I highly recommend it!
So going in, I didn't tell my H what it was specifically. I was thankful that he didn't press because I wanted to be in the right frame of mind.
When I got home he asked more questions. I showed him the site and told him that I would answer any questions that I could.
He said it looked great and he was happy that it made me happy. But at one point he felt like it may have been all about him, and an H bashing session. I tried to explain that this was all about me and my growth and happiness, and not focused on him.
He said "you are different since you came back from there". He said it negatively, but inside I smiled. I replied "you are right, I am different"
In the course of the conversation, I said "we have been dancing around each other for months, pretending on the surface to keep from arguing but I can't keep going like this. I need MC and need you to make your decision"
He was angry at first and said "you are making an ultimatum" and I nodded. This may be anti DB but I am sick of swimming upstream with no results or happiness.
At the end of the conversation he said "fine we will go to MC and find a way to do this or end it"
We had some alone time and later he asked me to join him, offered an apology and peace offering. He was affectionate, arm around me with no talking.
He briefly mentioned MC again and I said "if you prefer, you can attend EE in place of MC for now because I think you really would benefit from it. But its your call"
He didn't say yes but didn't say no.
This morning he was affectionate again, just rubbed my arm and hair.
I think that conversation was scary but needed to happen. I followed up with "I really do want my marriage and hope that MC is going to help with that" Hearing him say "work it out or end it" was nothing new to me but hard to hear.
What I have learned is, no matter what happens I am strong, resilient and I will be ok. I have a very strong support system in place now and I feel like I will make it to the other side, no matter what that may be.
So that is where I am today....one step at a time.
I also wanted to say that you were brave to bring up MC to your H. And it's a positive thing that he agreed! I wish my H would agree, I don't know if he ever will. And the fact that he said "work it out or end it" is also positive. Yes, it's hard to hear, but the fact that he seems open to "working it out" is amazing! Of course, the next big thing is finding the "right" MC. Unless you have someone in mind already, try out a couple of different ones.
You are very strong and resilient, and you WILL be ok!!
Wow, Autumn, just Wow. I think I'm in a very similar place with my H and our current almost non-situation.
I wasn't wanting specifics, just general impressions. I would guess this is the type of event that will take you a long time to process.
I appreciate that 25 keeps reminding that it's not a "cult" type experience. I have zero interest in finding a guru. I went to something with friends last fall and spent a lot of money I really didn't have at the time and was so disappointed as it seemed to me to be a marketing event for this young guy who would like to be a guru. You could even spend money to have personal time with him. The whole thing made me feel icky.
If I went it wouldn't be until later in the year, not April.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
labug, my general impression was very good. Not at all a cult like experience or guru of any type. I never felt icky in any way, and I am an extremely reserved person. I'm really sorry to hear that you had that experience with the event you attended. You took your chances and it doesn't sound good.
You are right, it is definitely going to take some time to process. I am ok with that, actually.
I'm sorry that you and H are in a similar sitch, sometimes the not knowing is difficult. H admits to not wanting to talk and wanting to shove everything under the rug. I guess admitting it is a good thing.
Baby steps and little improvements are all we can hope for!
Even tho the experience was generally not good, I got to spend some time in a nice hotel room by myself, reading, watching movies, surfing the net. Some of the workshops (this was a 4-day thing)were good. And I did learn some things about myself, so it wasn't a total loss.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I said "we have been dancing around each other for months, pretending on the surface to keep from arguing but I can't keep going like this. I need MC and need you to make your decision"
He was angry at first and said "you are making an ultimatum" and I nodded. This may be anti DB but I am sick of swimming upstream with no results or happiness.
he said "fine we will go to MC and find a way to do this or end it"
This ^^^ is great Autumn. You seem so confident in expressing this to your H. You have come a long way, way to go. Now of course you may be starting a new phase or journey so keep fousing on you as you move forward.
OneEleven I do feel refreshed, which is so fantastic!! I may need that new found energy.
I love that it is even coming across the net. Too cool!!
Thank you SIAS! I think that is the part that I am most excited about, the working on me...for probably the first time ever.
During our conversation, H was trying to say "we need to keep it even, you went away so I get one now" It was bizarre. I said "i've not stopped you from doing anything you want to do, go right ahead"
He is angry that I am getting together with some friends from the workshop this weekend and actually counted that as "going away". We are having brunch for a few hours on Sunday.
Even as I am typing this, I am shaking my head. Bizarre.
