I'm headed out to S14's Championship Final Game for a tournament tonight.. Not sure how they made it this far after seeing them play last night! Oy! They ALL looked like dorks!
Thinking of you...
A bunch of us are in the alt, too... under DeeBee(DB Screenname). I probably "Liked" Divorce Busting... easy to find.
Then you can put a face to a name!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
So happy that the weekend is finally here. I am ready for it. Have a hair appointment tomorrow but we are expecting some snow so we will see. I am hoping to get there and do something nice for myself.
Both boys have basketball which is always fun! Looking forward to a home game this afternoon.
MF, how did the tournament go? Hope it was good!
Had a happy hour for a friend last night. She is starting a new job and coworkers were sending her off in style Was a lot of fun! Wasn't out late, can't handle that on a work night anymore but some good stories and good laughs.
It's been a few days. The weekend was good and uneventful, which is also nice. Lots of games for the boys, no wins sadly.
So as the workshop is getting closer, H seems more interested. I really don't want to share too much with him just yet. I want to see what its all about and what I get out of it, for me. I gave him the address of course, and there is an emergency number in case he needs to reach me (emergency only). Other than that, he knows that it is a skill building workshop. No real details.
Last night, when he came home he said "i know that I don't say it enough but I will really miss you while you are away at this workshop. Not for the things you do around here, but for this" and pointed between himself and I. I thanked him. I am actually quite excited for this time away, but didn't want to make a big deal.
He asked me if we can go out to dinner as a family on Wednesday night to send me off.
Our anniversary is coming up next month and falls right between a bachelor party he is attending and a business trip he will take with his boss. He said he wanted to go somewhere overnight for our anniversary. On my last call with my DB coach she said that I should let him plan it and go along.
So last night he was hinting that I should find a place. When I didn't say anything, he said "you know what, I will plan it. I will handle it"
My biggest 180's lately have been giving up control in the home and with the kids, and letting him step up to do things. He has thanked me many times for this, and said he was feeling like a failure as a parent before this. For the kids, this will be good as well.
Hey Autumn, you sound like you're doing very well. You will get a lot out of the conference with that attitude.
I want to offer a word of caution for you. There is a workshop that I really like that I've attended over the past 15 years. I hope to take the next step this year. It has been amazing and I have grown so much.
A few years ago, I went to a conference with my W, a business partner and her H. My business partner and her H got a lot out of it and grew individually and as a couple in amazing ways. My W... not so much...
I would submit it is likely ONE trigger that has led to the sitch we find ourselves in, now. I believe it brought up so much repressed issues that she couldn't deal with. She never opened up to me about it, simply indicated that she would talk to me later about it. Never did. And then for a long time would make negative remarks about using the tools as well as the cost of the workshop.
So the point is, keep your expectations low for your H and high for yourself. YOU will get a tremendous amount of value from this, if you are open to accepting it. Your H COULD get a tremendous value from it, if he is open to it. But try not to expect him to. It will be his own experience and let him work through it, how ever much or little it appears to be, to you. Even the smallest amount of growth can be hugely traumatic.
In no way do I blame my sitch on the workshop nor any other trigger. I am fully aware that my W's journey is her own and I only want the best for her and for her to grow, every moment and every opportunity she can, with or without me. It hurt when her path diverged from mine, but so be it. I got through it and my W will, also.
And thanks for the feedback about your conference too KD. It is actually just me attending but your point made me consider that what I get from it could potentially affect H (negatively or positively) based on what I get out of it, and what I bring home with me.
I fully intend to get the most out of this. Something you said really resonates with me, I am only responsible for my own path and and H for his. I can want the best for him but not do it for him.
Thanks so much for your post, I will absolutely keep that in mind.
np, Autumn. Yes, these conferences really are about take. They are completely "safe" and our take is completely limited by us. As soon as we go into resistance (which is an internal indicator that we have work to do in that area) and we close ourselves off to the opportunity to grow, we loose out and only hurt ourselves.
I misread and thought your H was going, as well. No matter your take, and you may be instructed this way, please do not "push" your experience on your H. He will get everything he needs by experiencing your own personal growth from the experience. And that by itself, will be able to help nudge your own sitch in a positive direction.
Aren't you leaving tomorrow!?! If so, the very best of luck, and personal growth.
Just another nugget of advice/wisdom, etc... You KNOW just because you have a H that has had an affair in the past, and/or acts suspect, is unhappy now, or sporadically... It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that you NEED to do work. Sometimes, it is truly just them.
With that said... Don't go looking for issues/traits to fix. But, be open to improving what YOU want to...
I see that come up on here a lot. It bothers me. None of us are perfect, but good, good spouses get dumped on for no reason sometimes. It can just be a selfish WAS projecting, too.
Just don't lose yourself.
You know where to find me!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Actually I am going into this focused on things that I know I need to work on that have nothing to do with my H. To become the best me that I can, or at least begin to do the work. I am pretty excited about it.
I completely get where you are coming from and I appreciate it very much.
I will check in soon. Hope your weekend is good, and hope you are feeling better.
