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You are moving along quite nicely w/your kitchen project. I'm glad you are doing one room at a time. It's sad when you think about it, but in order to change a room w/a color scheme, you practically have to tear it down in order to redo it.

I'm glad to see that you did go out for a bit last evening. The evening was low key, but you enjoyed it...that's what is important, i.e., enjoying yourself w/no expectations.

When the time is right, Mr. Wonderful will cross your path and you will know he is the right one for you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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punkin Offline OP
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Thanks Snodderly,

I don't think I'm looking for a Mr. Wonderful quite yet. I'm looking for the man my XH used to be, but I'm afraid that man never existed. He was just a figment of my imagination. A false front, so to speak.

Finished the kitchen this morning. That's all my budget can afford at this moment. Although there are at least five other things I wish to do, they will just have to wait. One at a time.

I'm truly amazed at my turn of pattern in sleeping. It's been so long since I was able to go to bed without the fear and anxiety that I wouldn't sleep. Now I can't seem to get myself up. Getting enough healthy sleep sure makes a difference in your outlook, as well.

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Hey Punkin,
I was thinking about how well I am sleeping lately. I seem to be going through a very peaceful stage in my journey. I hope it continues.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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punkin Offline OP
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DIDN'T sleep well last night, due to all that climbing up and down ladders painting all weekend. Hurt like the dickens. If you are only as old as you feel, I'm a good 150. I'm smiling though. going to buy more paint when I get paid this weekend.

Very busy at work today. Hardly had time to look up.

Still haven't heard from X in regards to house being sold at auction. I would have thought my signature would be needed, but no one has contacted either me or my Lawyer. House was supposed to close on December 28.

Met someone today at work who absolutely made the spit dry up in my mouth. Stuttered and stammered. Felt like I was 13. Nice to know I'm still alive.

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I love those awakening moments....


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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punkin Offline OP
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Okay. So I've had about two too many Gin & Ginger's and topped it off with a Bloody Mary and , oh, a little wine. Anyway, I started keeping a hand written journal a month ago. Just to see the progression of my own feelings as time passes. The difference has been amazing. Whether it had to do with the holiday season, or just the passage of time, I don't know. I have began to cherish my little house and my little life and my solitude and peace. Yeah, I still begrudge the history and the failed plans for our retirement, yada, yada, yada. But I've gained so much in understanding.

Wow! I don't have to go to a fancy restaurant to get a good steak dinner. It can be had right here in my little home town. Latest movie? I'd rather watch it at home with good friends and a bowl of nuked popcorn. Travel? Anything more than a day's ride is a waste of time and money. The only thing different is the elevation. Family. That's a tough one. I have lost some of my family in some respects through divorce, but the relationships that I keep will be through efforts of my own, and not by acts of solicitude or gratuitous gesture.

Future? I have one. One I am looking forward to. Planning my Spring planting of a garden for homemade canned salsa. Eggplant Parmisian. Okra. Doing my best for my family, friends, and co workers. People who APPRECIATE me. Painting and restoring my little house. Being a good neighbor. Doing unto others.

There is life after Divorce. It is slow and plodding, but arrives nevertheless. God bless it. My life is as full as I allow it to be. It is not dependent on the continuation of my R with my XH, or the X's goodwill. My focus has to be on ME and MY life, not his. This is true of all of us on this Board, and it just takes time and patience to reach it. Strike that! Even if the patience is not present, it will still arrive in it's own good time.

Good night all.

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Punkin - you are a doll! So glad you are finding some peace in your "new" world! You deserve only the best and I'm glad to see signs of authentic happiness!

Have a great weekend!


M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
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I am so glad you are feeling good about what life has in store. Of course you have a future, and don't you dare narrow your horizons in order to be contented. A dangerous fallacy!!

Just because a good steak and movie can be had at a lower cost and with great enjoyment in your own home, and you are happy near to home doesn't mean that there has ceased to be a great big world out there that you are entitled to access as well.

Finding contentment at home and with little is a great gift, but there is no 'instead of' - it is 'as well as'.

Have a great day! Personally I would have a slight hangover but you are made of sterner stuff! Hugs

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job Offline
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punkin,
I couldn't have said it better! I'm so happy you've found your peace and contentment. But, like Bea posted, please don't narrow your horizons to be contented. There is a world out there waiting for you and after you have planted your garden, take a stroll or get in your car and start exploring...you just may be surprised at what you discover!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Punkin, beautifully said, sweetie.

We all get to where we need to be when we get there.

You are an amazing lady who has done some incredible things.

May your future be as wide and open as you choose it to be.

Good on you.

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