Adventures in GALing

[AntoniaB]

Time for a new thread...here's the last page of the old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2196649&page=11

And for my first adventure, I'd like to say that I just met one of the most interesting men ever, just out of the blue. I don't know if he's single (I suspect he is?) and I think he might be a lot younger than me, but at least I had a really fascinating hour of conversation with someone who was incredibly excited for the things I do (and likewise I felt that for him).

I have a friend--actually a colleague's husband--who is a glass artist who had an opening at a gallery downtown. I wasn't even going to go...and then I ran some errands, went out and had a drink and an appetizer at my favorite restaurant, and was bored with the scene there, so I decided to go, and ended up meeting this really fascinating guy because he came to see his friend's work.

We wended up talking until I decided to leave; I wanted to leave on a good note I guess before we ran out of stuff to say, but I got his name and friended him on the alt...so that was an adventure, anyway :-)Glad I went out.

[Kimmerz]

Hey antonia,
what's your handle on the alt? And is the "alt" the term for an alternative for other popular sites that we can't mention on here?

[AntoniaB]

Kimmerz it's my real name...so I don't want to post it here. I don't know how to give you clues...if you're on the alt I think you can email someone else and ask them to i.d. me for you or suggest a friend request, I think I am friends with at least 10 people from here.

[Kimmerz]

Oh dear... well Im just clueless as to how to get to this alt so we can all chat.

[AntoniaB]

I got it, a clue that will not give anything away on here in case XH ever got to looking....

go to google and type this exactly with the quotes and spacing: "fairy tales" "Miranda".

The first hit that comes up lists an "editor". Put that name into the alt and you will find me.

[AntoniaB]

I don't think that violates TOS as I just read them/interpret them, but if it does, please delete J3B :-)

[AntoniaB]

Ok more adventures in GALing...Tonight was a party held by a colleague who only invites CERTAIN faculty, and basically, because I will "throw down" with alcohol with others, I got invited.

I wore a dress that I bought for XH and my anniversary like 10 years ago. I bought it for that and never wore it again. It fit better now than then (that's the post-divorce depression diet for ya!) and I got lots of compliments.

As this was a party I went to without a partner, when most HAD partners, I thought I'd say this: Often I stood alone and I did not care. It never bothered me one bit that I was there alone.

I think the only time it bothered me was when I thought about how good I felt about myself and my appearance, because for so long, I didn't feel that way, and I thought, "should all this self-esteem be "wasted" on just me, isn't it a shame I don't go home with someone?"

And you know, all I thought was, a guy to appreciate me would be NICE, but really, I'm not a loser if I don't attract someone...

And then I came home and put on my comfy clothes and made a drink and a little cat is sitting on my arm, and I'm ok living this way.

I have heat on a cold day, I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I have friends and family.

I want so badly to get rid of this belief/notion that having someone want you romantically is the "end-all, be-all." If I could rid of that, I'd be a VERY happy woman. It's a cultural thing that I don't know how we can escape. It's like, embedded in us.

Can you imagine what our lives would be like if we did NOT have that idea embedded in us, that we had to have someone want us/desire us/romantically, etc. in order to feel 100%??

[Cadet]

I wore a dress that I bought for XH and my anniversary like 10 years ago. I bought it for that and never wore it again. It fit better now than then (that's the post-divorce depression diet for ya!) and I got lots of compliments.

Ok I saw the dress and will add my compliment in here and not on the picture itself.

[irishblessings]

Antonia -

I love your "adventures"! Glad that you are having fun! I know that feeling of being the only single one - we are the only "broken" family in my son's bb team group. It's tough. I am 17 months in to separation and divorce and I am not close to being ready to find someone....YET. My oldest D and I had a great time yesterday - it was my middle D's senior college fb game (she's a dancer) - we walked her on the field. Then we rushed to drive back for my son's bb game. As we spent this time together we had a great opportunity to talk - about the future, the family and I know that I want to share this with someone special. I am not healed yet - but I am committed to be so. I will be.

IB

[AntoniaB]

Thanks Cadet, I appreciate it!!

IB your comment above makes me think of something, another reaction I had last night. The woman who held the party is a colleague in her 70's (I think) whose husband died of a terminal illness at least 10 years ago. She has never remarried and I don't know that she ever will. She has had the occasional date, and she and I once had a very intimate conversation where she said she thought she'd never have sex again when her husband died, but she has, she just doesn't know that she really wants to be with anyone else again long-term. Anyway, she admits this can all be very lonely and isolating, and the one thing she really benefits from are her adult daughter in her 50s and her granddaughter in her 20's. She can "see" her husband in them, and they are close to her.

I thought last night that as tough as it is for those who have kids to go through these divorces and partners' MLCs, that when the dust settles, you know, they have their kids. This must really be a comfort.

It is a comfort that I will never know, because I and XH chose to never have kids. So there is no one who "reminds" me of him in my life. It made me a little sad to have this realization.