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Sometimes parents and close friends that love you don't say the things you want them to. Why? Who really knows, but sometimes it's because you are so beautiful they de-emphasize it because smarts is more important to them than beauty. But I've seen the pictures on the alt, Antonia. You are beautiful and very pretty. Smart too, but both to be sure.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I totally get the idea of wanting what you want and not settling. I think that's important and totally ok. I get that.

But what I also think is that exploring means stepping outside your normal. To test.

I tested and continue to test all kinds of things in all aspects of my life. Some I found that, "yep, don't like that." While others I was surprised to see that I do actually like. Maybe I did all along or maybe I like them now. Either way, I'm exploring and testing and checking things out like I did before the bomb. Way before to be sure.

The journey is awesome. Breath-taking. Exciting.

Testing long held beliefs is not a bad thing Antonia. Stretching. Exploring. Living.

You may find that you are correct in what you want. You may find you want that and maybe a few different things as well. You may be surprised at what you find. You may not. But check anyway, gorgeous. Expand your horizons (and I am not just referring to dating or guys. I'm referring to your life as a whole.)

Partners come and go. That's ok. A season for everything and all that. But you will always have you smile

The part about xh and strength and all that? Stop worrying about it. Be you. If that you misses him then acknowledge the feelings and deal with them. Clear the decks and get ready for the other emotions as well. Deal with them. Then clear the decks.

You were married for a long time. You loved and still love him in a way. You let him go. You are still letting him go, but he's mostly gone for you. It's ok to miss some of that. Really.

But it's not ok to put your life on hold. I don't think you are. I think you are lacking additional data to compare. Your data is based on xh and your family where it concerns relationships. So it seems natural to use that yardstick. But until you have more data, and you will at some point, you just need to acknowledge what you don't know and let it go.

That's what I see. I could easily be wrong. I'm not wrong about you being very pretty. smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Oh my god....((((BLUSH)))) Thank you, from the bottom of my heart :-)

That really is so meaningful. I can't really get the smile off my face. I don't think I'm going to try.

I am very grateful for everyone who has participated in this "discussion." These are issues that sometimes you just need people who "get it" to help with, or people who are willing to be totally straight with you.

I can't get over how much I learn about myself by talking to all of you!


M45
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"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
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Check it out: I went out tonight with a whole different "agenda". I was going out to EAT, because I was HUNGRY, and I wanted to reward myself for having written 3500 words of good stuff for my book an knocked out almost half a chapter in two days.

I went to the same place I usually go (the food and service are outstanding and it's 12 min. drive only) and I ended up talking to my friend the bartender, met 2 new women my age, one who is dating and "quite skeptical" and being "married off" by her friends and family who are pushing her to "not be single" even though she's ok with it, and then sitting with a married couple I have known for years who pleaded with me to intervene with their 20 year old daughter who sees me as this huge role model and who is seeming to be without direction.

I ended up engaged by "someone" for the entire 5 hours I was out, and I never was bothered being single at all.

I had a really good time. It was freeing to have no agenda and just "be" and let things go where they did :-)


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
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Originally Posted By: TonyB
I ended up engaged by "someone" for the entire 5 hours I was out


Man! AJ drives fast!


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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Good for you, Antonia. I envy your 3500 words ... I am trying to finish my projects for Creative Writing, and I am battling. I have to finish my final stage play and a final editorial article (two separate courses). Both are far from finished. Plus, I have a Geography exam next Wednesday. I did go out today ... to the doggy groomers to drop my dog off for the afternoon. All good GAL activities? grin

Keep on having fun. And, not worrying about being single.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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TrueGritter, lol, I just used the word "someone" to refer as a group to all the different people I interacted with, but if AJ would have walked in the door, I think I would have found that pretty awesome ;-)

Beingme, writing creativily is quite the mystery to me. I am amazed that people write in that style. I have to write "about" things analytically. I have tried to work some more creativity in there with how I describe things, and I've had minor sucesses with that, but there is really so much to learn about all types of writing. It's a challenge no matter what you're doing. You sound like you have a lot on your plate with school, though, which is def. good GAL, as is going to the dog groomer. And if you're like me, you usually have a book in the car in case you get stuck anywhere waiting so you can squeeze something in ;-)


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
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wha' !? How did you know? I do usually have a book with me. grin What book are you writing? That is a huge GAL project. I have started several books, but uni gets in the way, time-wise. I will be catching up a bit over the holidays.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Ha ha see, great minds think alike :-)

I'm writing a book analyzing the fiction of P. Pullman, a contemporary British writer. If you saw the movie The Golden Compass, that was the first book of a trilogy he wrote although the ending was changed for the film in a not-so-good way, so it displeased those who read the book and generally was seen as ok by those who didn't. He is really only known for that trilogy and his other work is all but ignored by literary critics.

My book aims to change that as I'm interpreting all that stuff, which is basically children's and adolescent books, but I argue that there is much for adults to find in the books that younger, less well-read or less experienced readers will not see. Mainly my theme is innocence and experience, and that the only way for his characters to grow in wisdom and experience is that they have to go on quests or trials or worse, face trauma and betrayal, and depending how they negotiate those things, they can rise or fall. His characters, for the most part, rise, but it's a very difficult journey, of course, but it's like I focus on the necessity of trauma and betrayal as the path to growth.

As you can probably gather, I would not have my theme did XH not betray me. I wanted to write about these books for 7 years and tried and failed many times to come up with something, and it took a trauma for me to see the path.

This is why I am on one level grateful my XH ended our marriage. Crazy, isn't it? If he didn't do what he did, I can guarantee you I'd never have come up with this book idea or had the drive to research and write it. It has been a HUGE therapeutic outlet that is also really solidifying my career and expertise as a critic on this writer.

I think when you GAL (and by you I mean YOU Beingme or any of us) that you have to look for the ripple effects of your actions...if you were hesistant to go back to school or something or never thought of it when married, and then because of what happens in your life you find yourself doing that as part of your GALing, or taking a job you never thought you'd take, or moving somewhere different, it's like this who other branch of the tree you're in gets this shaft of sunlight on it and there are suddenly numerous new things open to you that that sunlight might never have touched on if you were still in your other life. It's a pretty remarkable thing to see how one thing can "change everything", and I guess sometimes when something really good happens now, it comforts me if I follow that trail back to the point of origin and see that it took the breakup to send things in the new direction...


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
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Great minds, indeed. cool

Quote:
I think when you GAL (and by you I mean YOU Beingme or any of us) that you have to look for the ripple effects of your actions.

I absolutely agree. I find that if you use your pain to do something positive, it lessens it. It's changing sorrow into joy; a painful journey, but worth it in the end. You either climb out of the muck of what has happened to you, or you wallow in it. It seems you and I chose to climb out, or ooze out slowly, the muck sometimes sucking us a little back in, but eventually ... freedom (yessssss). I love your tree analogy; it certainly applies. My play is secondarily about a betrayed woman. I am no playwright. I have to take the course for the degree, but I would like to write articles for magazines. My favorite is writing fiction, particularly sci-fi, but I'm not cemented into the genre.

I saw the movie, Golden Compass. I must get one of Pullman's books and read it, after reading your post. Would you say that he falls into the 'steam punk' genre? I find this sub-genre intriguing and am working on a story based in this universe. I have so many stories in my head now, that perhaps I wouldn't have had 7 years ago. My H's betrayal had me trying to take my mind away from thoughts of what he did (still doing), away from the pain, and make it something else, stories with happy endings, after quests of great hardship. grin The big C thing helped a lot too.

Trauma and betrayal --- such nasty words, that the thought of it makes one wince, if you have ever been the target of these experiences. But, as you say, they can make you grow, if you allow it. smile

PS I like the idea of your book. This is something I would read because it shows the person behind the story. Good stuff!


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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BeingMe you totally get the concept of the book, from what you said above. Thanks for the support with that.

I don't think he's really steampunk, but he does work with the Victorian era a lot. My favorite set of books recently of his is the Sally Lockhart quartet...the first three are about her and the final is an offshoot that takes minor characters from her world and makes them front and center, though she is still a presence in the book. She is a Victorian woman who is very independent, runs her own finance firm and works as detective, and is very forward-thinking and feminist. Good page turners, basically historical mysteries/thrillers. The first is called The Ruby in the Smoke and it was a play Pullman wrote and the rewrote into a novel. From what you're mentioning above, I think you'd like it.


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
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