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" your h is giving u money and time and all you see is manipulation"

You just answered your own question. Just the fact that he went out of his way to look for a car for you shows an act of good faith. He keeps being nice to you, but you don't notice it. When was the last time you did something for him? Honest question. If you don't want him to do anything for you, tell him. If not, then you're the one who ends up sounding manipulative. When you say things like you just want alimony, it does sound like all you're out for is money and want to punish him for the A. Is that how you want to live? Is that the example you want to set for your son? Another honest question.

"Is there a way someone can read you text messages. if im on his acct, its an iphone.?"

Yes. The primary account holder will be able to access your records.

I notice you ignored my previous post to you.


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Hon, just let your H buy you a car, he obviously knows you need one. I don't think it's being manipulative; you are the mother of his child, and he still cares somewhat for you.

If you have a phone with private messages you don't want anyone to see, I would suggest you get a throw away phone for those.

And, rysmom, have a lovely weekend.
vc

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First - Yes Bond has been with you through some bad times and that was years ago. Other posters moved on. Let's not forget that. And rysm, you threw some cheap and unfair/inaccurate shots at him re: his wife. It sure looked like it was done to hurt him.

Did you learn anything from that interaction? Was it at all like your interactions with your h when he left the 2nd time?

Now Second, your h is helping you get a decent deal on a car, right?

Okay, is there a question in there? I was not sure.

I don't see it as "manipulation". But since we know he'd have to pay you more money and on a regular basis, if you were divorced then it's not quite the grand gesture of "love" we might wish it were. That financial part is what your L's have said.

Plus, you'd be getting half the assets NOW before they are depleted b/c you say he spends a lot with and on OW...

So it benefits him to buy you a car that keeps your costs down. And I'm sure as VC says, he has some good feelings towards you. I think his "happy" attitude around you is b/c he's trying not to snap at you.

If you want independence AND financial security, your L's have repeatedly told you what is needed. So that's not in question...but

My question is what do you want at this point?


Is it simply a decent R with your xh so you two can discuss things like the parents of a young man do,

or a fully detached r in which you are NOT dependent on him for anything and thus, when he gives you something, it's a gift, not a substitute for support.

yes---I realize you wantED a reconciliation and I understand that. Totally. But I see that you are also trying to adapt to what is.


And you've also indicated that with him as he is now, you are Not interested in a reconciliation. Is this accurate?

IOW, assuming your h is as he is now, for good, you would rather move on and meet someone else with whom you have more in common?

we can go from there.









Originally Posted By: dolphin
My h i suddenly being very nice. he is going to give me some $ to buy a used car, he went a half hr away the other day to look at it for me and now is arranging funds with bank. i appreciate what he does but could be manipulation as usual.
Is there a way someone can read you text messages. if im on his acct, its an iphone.?


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Bond has been very kind to you for a long time, rys/dolphin. He does deserve an apology, I hope you can see your way clearly.


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Sorry if i offended you, there have been times that ive felt offended by some things that you have said too.

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I just heard a quote on tv that made me think of you, rys. It was "hope can be paralyzing". It's how I was, too.
vc

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h is letting ow use the $25000 car that he bought. She sold her car i think i dont see it anymore. I picked up my new used car on sat. that h helped me pay for, of course i text him and thanked him . i spoke to him 1 time on fri when i was at dealer looking at it.
I think its time to take some legal action after the holidays.

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Hi vc
was that quote on joel osteen? it sounds familiar.

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Actually, it was on "Criminal Minds". About a mother whose child had been kidnapped, and she never let her hope die that he would be found alive, even after eight years. He actually was found alive. But, one of the detectives said that hope can be paralyzing, because all she lived on was her hope. I don't know anything about Joel Osteen, and am not a follower of his.

I hope you enjoy your "new" car. If you are ready for some legal action after the first of the year, then you should do whatever you feel you should do. I do, however think you should open some dialogue with your H before then, and ask him where he thinks things are going to go in the future with you two. I wouldn't totally blindside him if I were you. And as for ow, maybe she is on the way out, maybe that's why you didn't see her car. You just don't know until you know.
Have a nice day.

vc

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Im pretty sure she is using the car, because i think both of the cars are gone during the day because they go to work. it really bothers me the money he is spending on her. Hes looking at a 3000 massage chair now for their living room.

He text me last week that he talked to his biological half sister from NC that he never knew because he is adopted. i said thats nice does she look like you- a little, is your mother alive-yes. All the time we were together i encouraged him to find his family but he had no interest. they are my sons relatives too. to bad i missed out on this.

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