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i think h and ow are at grand canyon. this makes me sad. he also got email from his real sister that he has never met. he is adopted. i cant believe she found him or he contacted her. i use to encourage him to find out more about his real family, maybe ow talked him into it. he also contacted his accountant i wonder if hes thinking of filing. this stuff makes me sad. he really is gone for good i think.

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Just curious, how do you know he contacted his accountant? And if he owns a business, he should STAY in contact with his accountant. It's good for him to find his sister, it will hopefully give him a sense of what family is really all about. Who knows whether or not ow is why he did it? Maybe he started thinking about it and remembers you telling him he should; we can suppose all day about it, though.

Good luck tonight with the L appointment. I hope you find out all you need to know, including whether or not there is a way to get the financial protection you need short of filing for D. Although you do need to keep an open mind about whatever the L tells you.

When will you be able to take the algebra course again? Didn't you say you have to apply for the program in March? Do you have to have the algebra course done by the time you apply?
Maybe once you can get your mind put at ease on all this other stuff, you can better concentrate on school.

Good luck, again tonight smile
vc

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h told son to say happy thanksgiving, after son hung up with him. i think h was mad i didnt say it to him. the next day was when he contacted his accountant. i know thats the only thing he need before he files.
i went to L tonight and he said the only way to protect assets is to file.

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Just curious, why wouldn't you tell H happy thanksgiving? Especially when it was your son on the phone with him relaying the message.

Do you feel you can keep up having almost no contact with H forever? What if your H has tried to reach out to you to see if there is still anything there? I know he is with ow, but I know what "they" say about these A's. They don't usually last. And sometimes they put these feelers out before the A is completely over. Sorry that your only way to protect yourself is through filing. I still think you should contact your H and ask him if you two can have a talk alone. I wouldn't think you would want to wait and face him in court until you had given it a try with talking to him.

vc

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I have to agree with VC... he has reached out. It's a fine line you must walk with this one.

My H did the feeler thing as well. It was another 6 months of back and forth (3 of which I went dark except for phone calls) after a bit of a false start.

Even now, he's putting out feelers.

Soft sell yourself. Stay firm in your commitment that the OW needs to be gone. But soft sell that you are committed to working, but things have to be in order for that to happen. That puts the ball in his court.


T:22, M:20
H:55 Me:45
H-OW PA: N/07
OW Jan08
Bomb:Feb/08
S: Apr/08
Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11
Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess.
Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
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yesterday i felt that i had to do something different. i text h and told him i was sorry for the mistakes i made and said my heart was broken everyday that our family was not together. i dont know if it was good but i felt i have nothing to lose. i said iwould have given my life for him when we were together, because thats how i felt. I got no response but i didnt expect one either. i remember when he use to go in the ocean and he didnt know how to swim and i always thought i would risk my own life to save him if he was drowning.

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Rather than focussing on your mistakes (again) how about focussing on your changes? Again, what have you changed that would make him want to leave the OW? Well I guess it may not make a difference since you're going to have him served.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I am a lot more independent now. i use to be afraid to go to places and try new things. Now i have learned to make my own happiness and do things alone, and have fun doing them. For example going to school , joining tennis, going to the movies alone, going in a store and ordering a sandwich. I use to have agorophobia very bad, and was not able to do a lot of things.

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All that is great. Unfortunately they are things that your H can't see unless you actually started seeing him. You spent alot of time distancing yourself from him. So the question is whether or not you plan to start getting more in touch with him.

Aside from you not going out before, one major change you should consider is to not be so judgemental/critical, etc. It blaringly comes out here. You've shown it towards the OW, your H (tattoos, way he spends money, etc.), your son, men you've dated, etc.

Has that changed as well?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Ok, rys, I am glad you have changed some things, but now it may be time to change the biggest thing of all; your attitude towards your H. With Christmas coming up, it's a great time to try different things. Almost everybody is rather sentimental this time of year. Does your H come over to your house anymore? If he does, invite him in, not grudgingly, for some eggnog, or some homemade treat you've just made and would like for him to try. Or call him to ask for help in putting up Christmas decorations. If you let this fear lead you, instead of your heart, then you will still be like this next Christmas. You need to put yourself on the line for something you consider this important.
Try to be as sweet towards him as you can. Make the house smell wonderful with cinnamon and other yummy smells. Put out some inside decorations, make it look Christmassy and homey.
I know, this all sounds all Suzy Homemaker, but I know my H notices and loves that sort of thing, and he's this tough cop.
I just say all this, rys, because I know what you really want is to save your M. And you know by now that calling him and lambasting him for having an A, and leaving the family home to live with ow, is not going to make him snap into his senses. It may feel like bullying to him.
You have to woo him, you have to let him SEE the changes you have made, and you have to understand that what you consider bad, like tattos, not everyone else feels is bad. I have a tattoo, and I am not bad. My father had tattoos all up and down his arms, and he was a beautiful man. He also wore black leather and rode a motorcycle. But, he also talked about God a lot. So, you see, it isn't the markings on a man, it's what is inside him. Can you see past all those markings and beard, and other stuff, to even want to put yourself out there?

vc

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