the countdown has begun. 29 days until our house closes and i'm officially homeless. i cannot afford to live in the area unless the SBE helps me (which she won't) and thus i'll lose any claim to physical custody of my son. if i stayed in the area i'd have to live in my car or in such a poor and distant locale that he wouldn't be safe or within the nominal distance for physical custody to be granted.
i hate what has happened to my life and wonder why she just couldn't be honest with me.
my wife had the movers show up at 8am and they were packed and ready to go by 945am. my son was very upset and so was I. my wife even said this was the worst day of her life but i had hurt her so badly that this didn't hurt as it should.
she's blamed me for so many things and despite my apologies and changes of behavior she continued to assert that i wasn't taking responsibility for my actions.
now... i'm all alone. the last bit of my family is gone. my son is gone and my wife along with him. the house is empty except for my belongings and some things that, i think, she's coming back to pick up later.
i have hardly been able to stop crying today, the tears are simply flowing and flowing... she promised and she broke them all; her sacred vow to me and her promise not to take my son.
i feel ruined. i feel like there's no point to anything, no reason to fight any longer, no feeling of joy or happiness just a gaping maw of black sadness where my spark of life used to be.
today my family was destroyed and i along with it.
Hi JaeC, you are having such a horrible time of it, but you are not destroyed. You need to somehow gather yourself up and think into the future. Things are not always going to be this way. Think long term, think about your son. He needs you. I'm new to this, but rely on the people here, esp. the vets. They can give you a ton of help. Don't despair.
thank you for the kind response. i feel completely alone and bereft, no family or friends that live anywhere close to my son are able to or willing to help me and so i have to move out of state to live, and that tears me apart as well. i never thought it would end like this, her having an emotional affair and just walking out of my life and leaving me behind and taking my son. she broke every promise that she's made to me...and i would still crawl on my belly like a worm to have her back if only i had the chance.
after she left the house and took what she wanted, i was left with the rest of the stuff. i put a lot into storage and then loaded up my car and left as well. i drove to the only place that i was offered a couch to sleep upon, San Francisco California a journey of some 2778 miles.
i'm here now. alone, bereft and sad though resolved that i will heal and be a whole, healthy parent for my son.
i could never have imagined this would happen in all my years, i've lost everything and have no where to live other than on couches that friends are kind enough to offer.
i feel so completely devastated and betrayed, so used and thrown away as if i were a broken tool or piece of garbage and having served my purpose i can be discarded.
i believe that i tried everything that was recommended here and elsewhere and nothing helped. i hope that, in time, perhaps things will change but for now this is how they are. my family is in Maryland and i'm a roving vagabond sleeping on couches.
i know how you feel. i feel so disposable. how can someone who once professed to love me more than he ever loved anyone (and still says this) not want to figure out how to make it work? it's so unbelievable...
i have to try to stop thinking about the good in him and think more about what it was about him that made me unhappy in our relationship. maybe that will help you, too?
i have no idea what happened... one day she just said "i don't have to live with you" and that was it. of course, that is her choice...she didn't have to. we vowed to be together, always and she swore to follow me to the ends of the universe and beyond. seems the universe got a whole lot smaller and "forever" is not nearly as long as i thought.
i don't want to think bad things about her, it makes me feel bad too. if there was something that i could do more than what i have, i'd do it.
we had our ups and downs and most of our issues were related to crap that happened to us in our childhood that we never had resolved till we met each other and, i suppose, once that happened neither of us felt like we had to work on those things.
we were wrong. i've been healing and recovering for more than a year now and she hasn't been and that makes it harder for her to ignore what is going on with her and, in some way, makes it hard for her to be with me.
i miss her and my family so much but i'm worth more than that, i'm not a piece of garbage to be thrown away. i was willing to do whatever i could to make it work and, ultimately, she was not. perhaps some day she'll come to realize what she threw away but by then i don't know if i'd be able to go back...and that makes me profoundly sad.