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#2199728 - 11/18/11 01:26 PM H took my son to buy me a gift
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
This is my new user name for Rysmom because i couldnt log in to my other acct. my h took my son to buy me a birthday gift yesterday. h also sent a guy over to do masonary repair on my chimney. i have appt to meet lawyer at end of mo. too.

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#2199735 - 11/18/11 02:52 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
So you've had two accounts all along?
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2199772 - 11/18/11 04:50 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Dont you work?

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#2199773 - 11/18/11 04:50 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
or are you on here all day?

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#2199784 - 11/18/11 05:46 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rysmom, or dolphin. What on earth is going on? It looks like you have had two accounts for quite awhile. I want you to know I was coming on here checking on your posts as "rysmom" because I was worried about you. I think I have been one of your biggest supporters here. I absolutely have supported your "standing" for your M, even though your H is living with ow, and hasn't shown any signs of coming back yet. Did you read my last post to you as rysmom?

So, how are you? What made you decide to see a L? Have you come up with a solution so that you don't have to file?

I was reading on your other posts as dolphin, and you were saying you were trying to save your H's soul. You cannot save your H's soul. Only God can save a soul. Through His Son. If you have read the part where it says the unbelieving H has been sanctified through his believing W, it means that by your actions, your faith, your continuing worship of God, your behavior will bring your H around. My H even said to me that he could see my strong faith!

If you read through the Bible, it is full of imperfect people. Your H is not perfect, neither are you. You should never try to get self-righteous with another person to try and save them. It never works. I read and followed some good advice I got from one of the books I had, to just let God work on that side of my H, while I was a good wife, a good person, a good mother, showing through my actions to my H that I loved him, and in spite of his having A, I still loved him. But, I didn't beat him over the head with religion. During the Crusades, the so called Christians would convert through violence. I don't believe God meant for us to do it that way. Did you ever accept your H for who he was? If not, why not? Regardless if he had a dark edge to him, he is still your H.

I am glad you seem to be doing okay, and I am glad I came on here this morning, and saw your thread title, and thought it looked like you, and read it. So, has anything changed?

vc

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#2199786 - 11/18/11 05:56 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
No everything is still the same. im feeling very down today. because its my birthday and was hoping for a text from h .thanks so much for replying to me. my sister or mother didnt even send me a message.i went to a divorce care and separation group last night, it was pretty good. h took son out last night to get a gift. h has been trying to help me find a 09 car cuz mine has been at lexus for 2 weeks getting repaired. it took them a week to find out problem. son and i have been looking at colleges too. How are you ? thanks so much for being there i feel very alone today.

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#2199788 - 11/18/11 06:00 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
i had other acct cuz i couldnt sign on to my acct. becausec iicouldnt remember my username. i still dont know my username for rysmom. i signed out 1 mo. ago and couldnt get back in.

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#2199803 - 11/18/11 06:39 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Well, we all have brain fart&, and can't remember passwords. I did with my email last night and had to change it.


********************HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

I have gotten birthday phone calls or messages from my sisters at five minutes til midnight before. Of course, my birthday is Christmas Eve, and everyone is busy then. Maybe your family will call this afternoon.

Has your son narrowed his college search down? Is he getting stuff from schools from all over the country like mine did?

I am doing okay. We are thankfully getting our debt paid off, within three and a half years or so,it will be gone. YAY!!! Of course, then we will have college loans to pay, but with all the other gone, it will be easier.

So, I won't pressure you about seeing a L, you are doing that anyway, you said. Hey, you have to feel the time is right for you.

I do want to ask you how your contacts with your H have been going? If he feels you look at him with disapproval and judgment, he may feel he could never measure up to you, anyway.
I wonder what you could do to get more positive attention from him. I am not saying you have to get a tattoo or go goth, but maybe show a bit of a wild side to you, assuming there could be one?

vc

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#2199804 - 11/18/11 06:41 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Happy birthday Dolphin - do something nice for yourself today! (((hugs)))
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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#2199843 - 11/18/11 08:48 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanks for the birthday wishes. Son wants to stay home for college and one of the best film making colleges in the area is nearby so we applied there. Glad you are able to pay down debt. I am still very torn about filing. i went shopping at the Gap they are having a great sale 30 % off everything. when i got home there were roses on the front step, i didnt know if from h or my brother. they were from my son and h yellow and red roses. card said t
"To a great Mom and a wonderful person. Love ryan and H". H and i only have contact through text, im afraid if i talk i might get angry because i still have alot of hurt. You are right h use to like when we went to heavy metal concerts 20 yrs ago,and we would wear our black leather jackets. tonight Judas priest is playing near us i wish i could go with him. i dont usually like that anymore but i could do it once in awhile. h is probably taking ow to concert and that made me sad today.
My h birthday is new years eve and my sons is dec 27. Know wonder i like you i get along well with Capricorns.

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#2199844 - 11/18/11 08:48 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: adinva]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
thanks for birthday wish. how are you doing?

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#2199859 - 11/18/11 10:48 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
son gave me perfume from him and h . h said he would pay to have my car repaired too, $1300. i dont know if this is out of guilt, or being nice. i guess i doesnt matter, but i wonder.

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#2199871 - 11/18/11 11:52 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
I would just take any niceness from H as just being nice. And, hey, not having to spend 1300 bucks is great!

What kind of perfume did you get?
I like 30% off, but I have been going to Kohl's to get their summer clearance to put up for next year at 60-80%off! I love the word clearance!

My S's birthday is on Tuesday. Some years it falls on Thanksgiving Day.

I'm glad your S is able to stay home and go to a great college. I am glad mine is, too. My S loves to take pictures, and he likes to make videos, too. He had a lot of his photos published in the school's literary magazine. He was in the Quill and Scroll honor society. I'm surprised he didn't pick that for college, but he wants to be a lawyer. Does your S put any films on youtube? It's a good place to get people's opinions on his work. Although sometimes there are idiots on there who make rude comments.

Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday, eat lots of cake and ice cream.

vc

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#2199880 - 11/19/11 01:10 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
The perfume i got is called Light Blue. i told son i only wanted the small size because i dont wear perfume to often because of the chemicals. i usually only use all natural perfume. he got me the gift set which was thoughtful. yes, Kohls does have great end of season clearance.
I dont know if son got accepted yet, we sent in app. nov. 15. we are suppose to go to another one 2 hrs away tomorrow. i dont think he has any videos on youtube.
I bet my h was being super nice today because he is going to the concert tonight with ow. im sure he spent about 200 ea on the tickets, or got a sky box, with food, for a grand , thats how he is spending money and it scares me.

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#2200405 - 11/22/11 12:07 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I thought you and your H was scraping for money? How is it that you can afford a Lexus and he can afford a concert for a grand?

Whatever happened to you going to file? Something set you off but then now you're back to the victim mode.

What happened?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2200461 - 11/22/11 06:10 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rys, I have never heard of Light Blue, but I'll give it a sniff next time I'm shopping. How did the latest visit to colleges go for you and S? How is school going for you? Don't you have one more class to go before you start radiology school? How long is radiology school?

You know, if your H makes really good money, he can afford to splurge. As long as he gives you money for you and S, let him be. It won't change him to have you get too emotional with him, and say something you might regret. Just let him be, and let this whole ow thing play out while you make improvements to yourself. If you still think you may want him back one day, make it to where the road home is paved smoothly. Try to learn to accept him for who he is, and that means accepting that he is a weak man, a sinner like us all. I don't think you've ever learned to calm yourself down inside. It's like your nerves are constantly jumping, thinking about H and ow. I understand it; it was hard to think of anything else for a long time.
I will pray for something to happen, for God to touch H's heart, so he will wake up to the bad things he has done, and that he will touch your heart, too, so that you will learn to forgive, and to just let your love of H show. And to help you get rid of all the resentful and hurt feelings your H has caused.

vc

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#2200489 - 11/22/11 01:40 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
i really dont know my h financial situation now. he has been gone for so long, but he must be doing ok.i was feeling like i was going to file last week to protect son and i but when h starts being generous i get sucked back into the situation. i want to pull my own strings like the book said but i am afraid to let go of him. but i dont like being so controlled by him. i see now how dysfunctional our relationship was being so dependent on him in the past and now was not good.
i know its because im a nervous person and dont know if i could make it on my own. i dont want to make excuses anymore im not getting any younger and dont want to waste my life. i really try to fight back and am taking more risks socially. i had to drop the algebra class cuz i want doing good. it was hard and i found it difficult to concentrate with this stuff going on and sons college decision too. i withdrew from it but im still going to attend the class so i learn it for next semester.
i went and looked for a used car last night, i never buy new. i was always terrified of car dealers but it went well. the guy was really nice,, he told me he almost died in a car accident a few years ago, and him and his wife just had twins, thats a miraculous story. he was a very nice guy. there was no high pressure sales. im glad i overcame that fear. they couldt do a good enough deal for me though so i didnt get one. i want to get a newer model in case i do get d i need something that is going to last at least 6 yrs under warranty. the warranty on the 1 i have now ended and to repair it would cost a lot.
for thanksgiving it will just be son and I. thats ok though. i would like for son and i, to go to a soup kitchen and help out there.

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#2200503 - 11/22/11 03:08 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Originally Posted By: dolphin
i dont want to make excuses anymore im not getting any younger and dont want to waste my life.

I think this might be your best post ever.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2200504 - 11/22/11 03:08 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Now go do it.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2200548 - 11/22/11 05:42 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
i text h and told him sons school payment is past due. he text back okay dokay, that drives me nuts, he sounds so happy probably planning holiday with ow. i was feeling really good this morning, and his text made me very sad. he is so happy go lucky it makes me sad.

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#2200566 - 11/22/11 06:23 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
What happened to no excuses?
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2200568 - 11/22/11 06:28 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: dolphin
i text h and told him sons school payment is past due. he text back okay dokay, that drives me nuts, he sounds so happy


and you wish he were miserable???



probably planning holiday with ow.


mind reading...


i was feeling really good this morning, and his text made me very sad.


You are letting yourself be controlled by how you think he "sounds" on a text...rysmom, read that again. Your prior post was SO healthy...now compare that one to this one. THIS stuff is not healthy and THIS stuff is on you.

You can control it...




he is so happy go lucky it makes me sad.


aside from the mind reading, b/c maybe he just wanted to sound upbeat and not complain about a money request--you chose to let it "make" you sad.

If he'd been curt to you , that would have "made" you sad too, or angry. If he'd been snappy or angry or "Sounded" irked, that would have made you sad.

Just call him up and tell him these things. I don't get the "text only", combined with so much mind reading...has it worked? You must have to guess way too much.


But that's not my main point. My real point is

Why let someone else's mood, or what they are doing or thinking or feeling

"MAKE" YOU... anything? Your happiness is yours to control and only yours. Its' free will.



Have a good Thanksgiving with your son. Might be a good one to create some memories for. Why didn' you invite anyone over? Just curious...
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2200676 - 11/23/11 03:19 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Why would i want him to be happy having a life with ow? that would be crazy. I know i have to work on the mind reading thing, i dont know why i do that. i know i have to break the habit of doing it.

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#2200678 - 11/23/11 03:28 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
His mother always said okey dokey. I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family. It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then. i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist and id be better off alone. In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants. Do you think that's honest and healthy? Im starting to wonder, now that im looking at our relationship from the outside. Maybe it was unhealthy.

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#2200680 - 11/23/11 03:35 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I think son and i are going to go to my sisters for thanksgiving. Her 1 1/2 yr old grand daughter wont be there, thats who i wanted to see the most, but it should be fun. its a long drive though 2 1/2 hrs each way.

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#2200682 - 11/23/11 03:39 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: dolphin
His mother always said okey dokey. I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family. It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then.

Or...maybe...just maybe, he really is just happier.

Not "evil" or horrible, but at peace...it IS possible, isn't it?

What then? Wouldn't your best and only option then be, to DETACH so his emotions have no effect on you?



i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist and id be better off alone. In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants.

Does that sound like what he does with you?

Do you think that's honest and healthy?


Clearly it's not honest. And if it's not to save a life, I don't see how it's healthy either.


Im starting to wonder, now that im looking at our relationship from the outside. Maybe it was unhealthy.


maybe so...So then, now what?
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2200764 - 11/23/11 03:38 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"Why would i want him to be happy having a life with ow?"

You haven't changed at all. You don't need to "want" him to be happy. You need to accept the current situation the way it is. Because you don't, you turn out vindictive and spiteful. Not a good way to have your H want you over the OW.

"I want him to be as sad as i am about the break up of our family."

It's been over three years. He was probably sad about it before, but you can't get over the fact that he's trying to be happy. The tattoos, the bike, the OW. They are all forms of escapism. Again, if you haven't changed (condemning, opinionated, etc.) why would he want to come back to you?

"It makes me angry when he is happy, it seems he has no conscience then. i dont know if its a MLC, or he's a narcissist"

Neither. He just doesn't see you as a willing option right now. Everyone seems to see it except you. Have you ever thought that maybe it's you the reason why he doesn't want to come back? Just being honest.

"In almost every business or personal relationship, he bribes people to get what he wants."

Earlier you mentioned how he was a great businessman, honest, etc. NOW you say he bribes people. You do understand that since you know that, you are a beneficiary of this dirty money. Yet you seem fine when he gives you money. So what is it? You can't have both.

Just being honest here. IMHO you need to take a look at those things and see what's wrong. In fact, 25mlc had posted a number of questions to you before but you never answered. So I really don't know if you're serious about this or not, and that's why I wasn't sure if your sitch was even real.

You think it's going to be real easy. Once H is home, everything will be okay and he'll listen and follow everything you say. Won't happen. Change comes from within first.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2201770 - 11/28/11 06:34 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rys, I hope you and your S had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And I hope your Monday isn't like mine here-nonstop rain since yesterday!

How are you doing?

vc

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#2201918 - 11/29/11 04:18 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanksgiving was ok. How was yours? son and i went to my sister's. it was nice to get away. she works at night now, so she had to sleep during the day and didnt get to see her much. My nephew and my mother were there too.
I have appt tomorrow night with L at woman's center. it only costs 12 for half an hour. i wont use him for d but i want to ask some questions. i think im going to file soon i cant live like this in limbo anymore. if i didnt have to worry about money h and ow may be spending and hiding i could stll wait.
I met with man tonight to put ad in church bulletin for my business. he was a real character. I hope i get lots of business from ad.
The weather here has been unseasonably mild, im really enjoying it.

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#2201942 - 11/29/11 09:01 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Thanksgiving here was a massive pigout, but I always go into the holidays knowing it will be. I'm glad you and S ended up going to visit your family.

It will be good for you to speak with a L who can give you the answers you need. The fear you feel about H spending so much is reason enough. I hope he can set your mind at ease, and let you know where to go from here.

I hope you get lots of business from your ad, too. So, what sort of character was the guy?

Right now, it is STILL raining, and we are supposed to have snow flurries, but they are wrong a lot. S would like to have a snow day smile but it doesn't look like it will be. It will probably snow like mad when we are supposed to go to the mountains. That would be ok, but not until we are there safely in the cabin. Didn't y'all have a bunch of snow a few weeks ago?

vc

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#2201953 - 11/29/11 01:16 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
i think h and ow are at grand canyon. this makes me sad. he also got email from his real sister that he has never met. he is adopted. i cant believe she found him or he contacted her. i use to encourage him to find out more about his real family, maybe ow talked him into it. he also contacted his accountant i wonder if hes thinking of filing. this stuff makes me sad. he really is gone for good i think.

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#2202131 - 11/29/11 09:07 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Just curious, how do you know he contacted his accountant? And if he owns a business, he should STAY in contact with his accountant. It's good for him to find his sister, it will hopefully give him a sense of what family is really all about. Who knows whether or not ow is why he did it? Maybe he started thinking about it and remembers you telling him he should; we can suppose all day about it, though.

Good luck tonight with the L appointment. I hope you find out all you need to know, including whether or not there is a way to get the financial protection you need short of filing for D. Although you do need to keep an open mind about whatever the L tells you.

When will you be able to take the algebra course again? Didn't you say you have to apply for the program in March? Do you have to have the algebra course done by the time you apply?
Maybe once you can get your mind put at ease on all this other stuff, you can better concentrate on school.

Good luck, again tonight smile
vc

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#2202189 - 11/30/11 02:26 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
h told son to say happy thanksgiving, after son hung up with him. i think h was mad i didnt say it to him. the next day was when he contacted his accountant. i know thats the only thing he need before he files.
i went to L tonight and he said the only way to protect assets is to file.

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#2202280 - 11/30/11 02:16 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Just curious, why wouldn't you tell H happy thanksgiving? Especially when it was your son on the phone with him relaying the message.

Do you feel you can keep up having almost no contact with H forever? What if your H has tried to reach out to you to see if there is still anything there? I know he is with ow, but I know what "they" say about these A's. They don't usually last. And sometimes they put these feelers out before the A is completely over. Sorry that your only way to protect yourself is through filing. I still think you should contact your H and ask him if you two can have a talk alone. I wouldn't think you would want to wait and face him in court until you had given it a try with talking to him.

vc

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#2202415 - 11/30/11 10:28 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
Abbey Offline
Member

Registered: 03/07/08
Posts: 659
I have to agree with VC... he has reached out. It's a fine line you must walk with this one.

My H did the feeler thing as well. It was another 6 months of back and forth (3 of which I went dark except for phone calls) after a bit of a false start.

Even now, he's putting out feelers.

Soft sell yourself. Stay firm in your commitment that the OW needs to be gone. But soft sell that you are committed to working, but things have to be in order for that to happen. That puts the ball in his court.
_________________________
T:22, M:20
H:55 Me:45
H-OW PA: N/07
OW Jan08
Bomb:Feb/08
S: Apr/08
Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11
Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess.
Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.

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#2202491 - 12/01/11 05:31 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Abbey]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
yesterday i felt that i had to do something different. i text h and told him i was sorry for the mistakes i made and said my heart was broken everyday that our family was not together. i dont know if it was good but i felt i have nothing to lose. i said iwould have given my life for him when we were together, because thats how i felt. I got no response but i didnt expect one either. i remember when he use to go in the ocean and he didnt know how to swim and i always thought i would risk my own life to save him if he was drowning.

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#2202612 - 12/01/11 06:57 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
Rather than focussing on your mistakes (again) how about focussing on your changes? Again, what have you changed that would make him want to leave the OW? Well I guess it may not make a difference since you're going to have him served.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2202667 - 12/01/11 09:54 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I am a lot more independent now. i use to be afraid to go to places and try new things. Now i have learned to make my own happiness and do things alone, and have fun doing them. For example going to school , joining tennis, going to the movies alone, going in a store and ordering a sandwich. I use to have agorophobia very bad, and was not able to do a lot of things.

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#2202671 - 12/01/11 10:25 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
All that is great. Unfortunately they are things that your H can't see unless you actually started seeing him. You spent alot of time distancing yourself from him. So the question is whether or not you plan to start getting more in touch with him.

Aside from you not going out before, one major change you should consider is to not be so judgemental/critical, etc. It blaringly comes out here. You've shown it towards the OW, your H (tattoos, way he spends money, etc.), your son, men you've dated, etc.

Has that changed as well?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2202826 - 12/02/11 04:41 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Ok, rys, I am glad you have changed some things, but now it may be time to change the biggest thing of all; your attitude towards your H. With Christmas coming up, it's a great time to try different things. Almost everybody is rather sentimental this time of year. Does your H come over to your house anymore? If he does, invite him in, not grudgingly, for some eggnog, or some homemade treat you've just made and would like for him to try. Or call him to ask for help in putting up Christmas decorations. If you let this fear lead you, instead of your heart, then you will still be like this next Christmas. You need to put yourself on the line for something you consider this important.
Try to be as sweet towards him as you can. Make the house smell wonderful with cinnamon and other yummy smells. Put out some inside decorations, make it look Christmassy and homey.
I know, this all sounds all Suzy Homemaker, but I know my H notices and loves that sort of thing, and he's this tough cop.
I just say all this, rys, because I know what you really want is to save your M. And you know by now that calling him and lambasting him for having an A, and leaving the family home to live with ow, is not going to make him snap into his senses. It may feel like bullying to him.
You have to woo him, you have to let him SEE the changes you have made, and you have to understand that what you consider bad, like tattos, not everyone else feels is bad. I have a tattoo, and I am not bad. My father had tattoos all up and down his arms, and he was a beautiful man. He also wore black leather and rode a motorcycle. But, he also talked about God a lot. So, you see, it isn't the markings on a man, it's what is inside him. Can you see past all those markings and beard, and other stuff, to even want to put yourself out there?

vc

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#2202890 - 12/02/11 09:53 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
No its not the tatoos or the black leather. he watched and listened 10 hrs a day on satelite radio to howard stern for 5 yrs, and on tv for 25 yrs, stern treats woman like sex objects and h favorite show was 2 and a half men . i dont know maybe i couldnt live with that. he listend to heavy metal music about satan and his favorite song was "f--- like a beast" i think what people watch and listen to is a reflection of there values and morals and maybe it wouldnt work. i know im rehashing the same stuff. i have to take action.
I was out raking leaves before and i felt very empowered to just accept that its over and son and i will b ok if we d, and to get my son and i fair share to live on. maybe sell our house and buy a small house in the country with lots of wild life around, i always wanted that. i dont know if i could live with h and always be wondering where he was, and i have read that if someones h or boyfriend is sleeping around it can cause woman to get cervical cancer.

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#2202891 - 12/02/11 09:54 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I am sorry i text h and said i was sorry for mistakes, and other stuff it was to much persuing behavior and i do have my pride.

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#2202895 - 12/02/11 10:08 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I don't think you even noticed that this is why you never even had a chance to get together with your H. You haven't changed. This is the same complaints you've had about him from day one.

There's a difference between doing something that damages your pride, and doing something because you believe it could be a change for the better. Again it's not just towards your H. You've acted like that towards others so it's ingrained into your personality. Non-acceptance is not a good trait to have.

And anyhow, your H will always be in your life whether you like it or not. You share a son together with whom (from what I can see) you don't co-parent at all.

You can't be telling him one thing and your H another. At the very least you should start talking to your H about co-parenting and not just why you don't want your H to teach your son something.

What if your son wants to end up just like his dad? What if the OW is treating your son better than you are at least in his eyes?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2202896 - 12/02/11 10:09 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
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Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
BTW, I like that song and watch those shows and know dozens of others who do. Our morals are intact.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2202905 - 12/02/11 10:57 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
good for you if you like that trash music, ,to each his own. S does not want to be like his father. he listens to classical music which he loves, and he knows the difference between right and wrong. No matter what your spouse does you dont commit adultery. Good for you that your morals are intact. my son doesnt like the ow either, he doesnt want to even be around her. he is almost 18 he doesnt want to be with them.

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#2202906 - 12/02/11 10:58 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82

If you are angry about something today go take it out on someone else, or go for a long run.

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#2202908 - 12/02/11 11:00 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I have taken alot of psychology classes and what you put into your head constantly is what you become. Why play with fire, thats stupid.

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#2202909 - 12/02/11 11:01 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I dont think you have changed. maybe you were critical of your wife thats what she didnt like

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#2202915 - 12/02/11 11:59 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
Au contraire. I'm not critical of my W. I play classical piano and hold two degrees. I have also minored in Psych and have been reading and studying all about marriage/mlc/psych since my sitch began.

The point is that what you put in your head doesn't define how you turn out in life. As a W it's up to you to accept your H as much as you expect him to accept you the way you are. Regardless of whatever relationship you're in, even the ones with your son, you have to accept them for the way they are.

Acceptance has been your problem so far. You wouldn't want him to tell you to change would you?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2202925 - 12/03/11 01:14 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
BTW, it was reading about marriage and psychology that helped me to accept my W how she is. It's something that is learned. It has helped me in so many more of my relationships and not just the ones with my W.

As a matter of fact, it has made me love my W even more because now I love her for her differences and the things that make her unique. If you believe in God, well, you know he made each person one of a kind. Treat and respect it as such.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2202960 - 12/03/11 11:54 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
God does not want us to listen to music that worships evil, and shows that encourage men to treat woman with like sex objects with little respect. i disagree with you.

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#2202961 - 12/03/11 12:36 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I believe it was also God, or at least His son that said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

God gave everyone free will. He really doesn't care what we listen to as long as nothing comes out of it. Do you think it was the music that lead your H to have OW?

Hmmm something tells me no. I know many people who listen to that type of stuff and they are some of the most giving people I know. It's not the music that makes bad people.

You just don't want to admit that you don't want to change. Okay, switching gears. What if your son started listening to that type of stuff? Would you condemn him too?

Sounds like you would.

Don't blame outside influences on your H's behavior. You blame the music, the wiles of the OW, etc. And you complain about how miserable you are, etc.

The reason why your "DBing efforts" haven't worked is because you haven't changed the one thing that needed to...you.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203031 - 12/03/11 09:29 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Rysmom - time to open up your mind and heart to the world girlfriend.

I listen to that sort of music sometimes. I also enjoy great, hot, intimate and sometimes kinky sex. I occasionally watch porn with my lover and sometimes I even ride motorcycles wearing leather. I’ve also been known to drink too much wine and stay out too late!!! I’ve got 3 tattoos and one of them is visable!! 

But I'm not evil or at odds with God. God blesses me everyday with abundance, hope and happiness.

I'm a very healthy, very happy 40 year old woman, who has fun, loves life and engages with the world every opportunity I get. I go to church. I work for more than half of each month in developing countries engaging women and other marginal groups to build their social and economic capacity. I work with priests, pastors, nuns, sex workers, community leaders, politicians, mothers, men who are violent to their wives, tribal chiefs who make war on their neighbours, women who neglect their children ….

The thing I’ve learned, is that every single person in this world is a child of God and it doesn’t matter if you are an African woman selling herself to pay for food and education for her children, or an Engan warlord determined to kill as many people as he has to to secure land for his tribe … every single one of us is just doing the best we can under the circumstances.

It’s not our place to judge how men live. That’s up to God. What I know is that I come across people every day who behave in ways that a middle-class, anglo-Christian culture might define as “wrong” – but they are doing what they have to do to fulfil what they think is their role here on earth.

I met a sex-worker last week at a Human Rights awareness seminar. We talked for about an hour. She is about 10 years younger than me and she’s got 8 children. She’s from a remote rural village that has no roads, no water or santiation and no access to the cash economy. Her promised husband abandoned her, and she was so ashamed to be left that she left her village and went to the city to get work. The subsequent children she bore were conceived by clients. She has no access to medical treatment and when she asks a man to wear a condom, she’s often assaulted – and then made to have unprotected sex. She is HIV+. She is illiterate, she takes drugs to numb herself while she’s working and there is some evidence that she may be involved in the organized crime cartel in the place she lives.
So on the face of it – a “bad” person yes? The reality is, she’s a woman who has 5 children to support with no skills or attributes to contribute to the mainstream economy. She does what she has to do. After we’d spoken and I was leaving, she said to me, in her language, which is much more colourful than this rough translation … “I am ashamed of my life, but I am proud that God has given me a heart to love with and hands to cook with … maybe that’s all any person deserves.” Then she asked me to pray with her.

Ironically, its often the priests, pastors and politicians, who on the face of it appear to be living “upright and godly lives” who are those carrying hate and prejudice in their hearts. I think that’s what God despises.

We are sent on this life journey to learn how to Love. Love means acceptance and it means tolerance. It means loving and giving in spite of all the other stuff.

It’s time for you to learn how to Love, Rysmom. Love yourself (I know it’s easier said than done – but you can do it) and the rest will fall into place.

(((hugs))) V
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203215 - 12/05/11 04:14 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Rys, I agree with you that we are to turn from those things which are not good. We are to think on those things which are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and if there is any virtue and praise think of these things. That's from the Bible. Most people are very worldly, and don't really care how God told us to conduct our lives. Or they think God should change with the times. Jesus did not say never to judge whether or not a behavior is sin or not, He was saying to be prepared to be judged by the same standard of judgment. It is a warning against self deception and hypocrisy.

That being said, we are also are to live in peace with our spouses, even if they do not believe as we do. My S and I are Christians and my H is not. The Bible says the unbelieving H has been sanctified through his believing W. Many a H or W has been led to Christ through his or her spouse. My H is happy to go to church with us, and I hope one day he will become a Christian. It will be a happy day for me to see him walk down the aisle to confess belief in Christ and be baptized. But until then, I accept him for who he is. He would never corrupt my S, and I don't believe your H would corrupt your S, either. I think Howard Stern is despicable, too, and if my H listened to him, I would leave the room until it was over. Even if I don't agree with him, I have to respect him. You can't beat a man over the head with what's right and wrong and expect him to stick around. That doesn't win souls to Christ, either.

Have you pretty much decided you don't want your H back? If so, then you do have the right to D him, since he is committing adultery.

I really hope for the best for you, rys.

vc

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#2203395 - 12/06/11 12:57 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
hi rys-

Happy Holidays!

Seriously, you have the best brainstorming on your threads. Our community really cares about you and wants to see you succeed.

Whatever the choices you make for your life, you have some serious care and support here.

Wishing you the BEST and wonderful holiday!

sg wink
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#2203413 - 12/06/11 03:01 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Walking...what a post!

I want to know what your job is. And maybe donate to your organization. Or join it!

I really appreciate your post and your wisdom. And your message of tolerance and love. Christ said "the greatest of these commandments, is love."

((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2203635 - 12/07/11 12:24 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Thanks 25. I'm an admirer. cool

Nothing so nobel wink I work for Resource companies. The resource sector have quite stringent social obligation to establish sustainable community programs in exploration and development sites. I work with communities affected by the resource industies to establish social and economic development programs to support the community through the rapid changes and impacts resources have on peoples lives. I set up local governance arrangements and work with the groups over the medium term to build their capacity to run themselves.

We do lots of Human Rights Awareness too - it's my current passion. All these countries sign up to the Declaration on Human Rights, even formalise the principles in their Constitution, but none of them implement them - and the citizenry doesn't know they exist. With resource development come hoards of mobile men with money (MMM) and it's survival of the fittest. Women in particular become exploited - and it's my mission to provide the support communities need to embrace gender equity in participation and respect for all peoples rights - particualrly the marginal. It's a long slow slog, but there's some great work being done around the world and I'm so excited to be part of it.

I'm living my dream life and this site and MWD philosophy of changing yourself to change everything and everyone else in your life has in many ways made this possible.

This place, MWD, changed my life.

I came here as a controlling, overwrought, depressed, 30something year old with everything I ever wanted and nothing that made me happy.

I lived through a painful divorce and remade myself into the woman who was waiting to exist all along.

I lived the life I thought I was supposed to live, MWD and my friends, supporters , antagonists and wise people who had gone before me here gave me the skills and resources to find the authentic woman, living inside the frightened little girl who had been ruling my life until then.

We are all victims of our pasts. We carry baggage and unhelpful beliefs that we constantly have to check to see if they are about what we really believe, or about what we think everyone says we should believe.

I've learned to release control and let the hand of God and his angels guide me through life ... and I've got to tell you ... it's working for me. I can recommend it.

Rysmom, I've been reading you for years, and I really do care about you and know that something is switching on inside of you telling you that you deserve a bigger and happier life than the one you are living now. And you know that deep in your heart that place isn't far away. You are beginning to see it is possible to love yourself in the way God loves you. When we love ourselves it becomes possible for others to love us.

V smile
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203646 - 12/07/11 01:08 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
now That's an encore, Walking...

laugh
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203658 - 12/07/11 02:07 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanks very much for you post. You are right until i learn to love myself no one else is going to love me. I like myself a lot more than i did 5 yrs ago, but know i still have to have faith and courage to continue on this journey. In a way i am very grateful that i had to go through this living hell for the past 5 yrs. I never would have had the faith and courage that i do today if i hadn't.
I pray that God keeps you safe, and you are doing a good service for humanity.

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#2203663 - 12/07/11 02:39 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I think you missed the point of everyone else's post to you about acceptance of others opinions especially your spouses.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203693 - 12/07/11 06:31 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Still Bond,

she's made progress with a lot of her phobias and she is getting out of her comfort zone big time.

She's braver than before. When she learns to love herself, she'll also learn to forgive herself and cut herself some slack, realizing she did the best she could at the time with the tools she had, or lacked.

And in time, that realization may lead to being able to see the best in others, through their flaws.

For the most part, our WASs and MLCers do not mean to hurt us. They are lost and confused AND OR

they have made choices to change their lives in ways THEY believe will lead them to happiness. Hard to convince them otherwise with words.

rysmom I DO hope you find a way to let go of your pain and anger, b/c it will free YOU.

Feeling Anger takes a lot of emotional and mental energy,

energy which could instead be spent on creating a new, happier life for you & your son.



IN the meantime, I'm glad you are pushing your own personal envelope and getting OUT more and meeting people.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203710 - 12/07/11 11:29 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Hi SG
Hope you are doing well. Hope your new relationship and job are going well. Happy Holidays to you too. Thanks for being there.

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#2203764 - 12/07/11 04:17 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
True. However, she picks and chooses what she wants to acknowledge and ignores the others. It's a little rude for those who have been trying to help her for so long. It's why so many great posters have dropped off helping her even when she needed it the most.

The bouts of depression, the issues with her son and H. She keeps asking what's wrong and how things can get better. Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them. Of course she doesn't have to agree with what others say, but she should respect the fact that others have only her best intentions in mind.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203765 - 12/07/11 04:17 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I did find her last few comments back at me about my W offensive.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203794 - 12/07/11 05:43 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: MrBond
I did find her last few comments back at me about my W offensive.


they were.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203803 - 12/07/11 06:43 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them.

I'm one of them.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2203807 - 12/07/11 06:56 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Drew
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them.

I'm one of them.


most of us have been ignored at times...still we hang in there trying to help.

When I see progress I feel compelled to note it partly b/c it has been slow in coming.

OTOH rysmom, you had some serious baggage from your childhood and In the marriage, which was not always known to us.

I think your own fog has been lifting lately and now you KNOW that the only way for you have financial security is by divorce. That is not in dispute.


according to you, your ex h is Not an honest man. He bribes and lies and cheats...that is according to you. So that is not in dispute. Keep that clarity.

He obviously thinks it's okay to have OW living with him and involved in his life and his family, like a wife would be. So, do what you have to do so you are not stuck anymore.

There are many good men out there. Give them a chance.

Yes they are flawed, as we all are. But maybe as you learn to love yourself, warts and all, you may find it easier to love others, as they are, and not feel disappointed that they have faults.

Don't forget to have fun with your son. How does he treat his girlfriends? I hope he has not learned too many bad habits from his dad on that issue.

((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2203886 - 12/07/11 11:52 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dbmod Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 2155
There are lessons for those who start the thread and in the discussion, and there are lessons for posters.


What have posters learned here?
_________________________
dbmod

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#2203890 - 12/08/11 12:16 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Quote:
Thanks very much for you post. You are right until i learn to love myself no one else is going to love me.


Rysmom - you know when I was really working on this, this concept of "loving" myself, I couldn't get it. I didn' get it. I'd been so empty inside myself for so long, I literally didn't know how to turn on my love for myself or tap in to the beautiful love of God.

I prayed for it. I prayed to God to show me what this thing was that everyone talked about. "Dear God, show me what it means to love myself. Please give me the signs and information that I need to figure out what is blocking me loving myself." I prayed and prayed and prayed - because I was sad, and lonely and I was sick of myself and wanted to be happy again.

And all of a sudden things started appearing, little articles on love and faith, new opportunties for me to do things I'd been wanting to do but hadn't chased, new people came into my life. Suddenly I wasn't so interested in finding fault in others - I started finding goodness in others. I became less interested in the negatiive aspects of the world, and became excited about all the positive. My world changed from dull grey to bright, sunny, blue ... and still I kept praying.

I trusted that God would show me the way and I kept accepting all the opportunities he put before me ... and slowly, painstakingly (more to do with my own resistance than any obstacle the universe put before me) I learned about Love. Along the way, I also learned about boundaries - and loving myself enough to have limits to what I would accept from others and myself. Enforcing my boundaries has become an act of self love.

Trust God and pray for him to show you the way to Love. You are so close.

V x
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203892 - 12/08/11 12:25 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
That's a great post Walking.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2203904 - 12/08/11 01:06 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I did not say anything about your w i dont even know her. I said maybe you were critical of her too. You moral beliefs are different from mine. I take the best for me and leave the rest as far as advice goes. Everyone has there own views. You have yours and i have mine.

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#2203905 - 12/08/11 01:08 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I will not compromise what i believe in.

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#2203909 - 12/08/11 01:12 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dbmod]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: dbmod
There are lessons for those who start the thread and in the discussion, and there are lessons for posters.


What have posters learned here?


I'm missing something here DbMod. At times I've started to give up here on this thread, but then I come back to try and focus on a positive.

Other times I think that enables a "game" to go on and then I want to quit for good and go where I make a real difference.

I don't know if we can always know if we are making a difference though.

I guess I need clarification from you.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203918 - 12/08/11 02:06 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thank you for this insightful message.

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#2203919 - 12/08/11 02:13 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"I will not compromise what i believe in."

The point of everyone's post to you wasn't that you need to compromise what you believe in. It's that you should (again you don't have to) try to be a little more understanding of other people's POV. In the case of your son, what if he did start liking heavy metal or was gay or whatever. You don't have to take a person's personal beliefs as your own, but you don't have a right to judge them just as much as you wouldn't want them to judge you.

This doesn't just apply to your H. The other men you went out with (which you said weren't dates) you were critical of them as well.

If you want to find true and honest love, that's a big hurdle that should be overcome IMHO. No one wants to go out with someone whom they think judges them. You have standards, sure. But so do they.

"I dont think you have changed. maybe you were critical of your wife thats what she didnt like"

For the record, she had an A with her boss right after she had our second daughter. Borderline post-partum and MLC. That's why she left.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2203921 - 12/08/11 02:19 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
BTW, I still believe you should contact your H to start actually co-parenting your son together. Put aside your differences so your son has a stable base of trust from both of you.

You blaming your H and showing resentment (and you do from your comments about him) isn't a good example for your son. Even if you don't say anything directly to your son about your feelings towards your H, he will pick them up.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203992 - 12/08/11 12:02 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
are you living with your wife now? is she still with om? Do you ever discuss your situation on here?

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#2203993 - 12/08/11 12:13 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Originally Posted By: dolphin
are you living with your wife now? is she still with om? Do you ever discuss your situation on here?

I think one of the points that keeps getting lost here that that people continue to encourage you to quit defining your life in terms of someone else and start living your life for YOU.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2204068 - 12/08/11 05:03 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
How do i define my own life.? I dont feel like a success, because i dont have my own career and im not earning a lot of money. I feel stuck in a way because i cant work more because it would effect the amount of alimony i would get, even if i could find work in this economy..

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#2204078 - 12/08/11 05:31 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Rys,

You know what I like about your last post?

(And yes, I'd like you to answer that ....)
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2204102 - 12/08/11 07:09 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"are you living with your wife now?"

Nope. However we spend every weekend together and effectively co-parent the kids. We are like a couple just not living together. She's got her own issues to deal with and I understand.

"is she still with om?"

No. She worked with him up until 2 years ago when he retired. He was twice her age.

"Do you ever discuss your situation on here?"

Yes I do. In fact, you've asked me about my sitch a number of times and I've repeated it several times. I've been through the same stuff you have. I just don't throw it in your face about it like you did to me.

The main thing that I learned is understanding, compassion and tolerance. I accept my W for who she is. All your H wants is to have someone understand him. Who are you to judge how someone "should" live? You married him didn't you? There's that clause about "for better or worse". You don't like him judging you after all.

"I feel stuck in a way because i cant work more because it would effect the amount of alimony i would get,"

So you want to be dependent on him forever. Okay.
You're also saying this because you want him to suffer. You want him to suffer financially because you "can't find work".

"even if i could find work in this economy.."

B@ll$hit on this. You haven't tried everything. You blame alot of people and outside circumstances for your sitch. Your R isn't doing better not because of your H's faith. You don't have faith in yourself. And I'm not talking about the D.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2204185 - 12/08/11 10:49 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dbmod Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 2155
Excellent response mlc-

There is a LOT of data here. What do you find works when you respond to rysmom/dolphin. What do you find she responds to, what do you find she puts into action.



Rys-

What posts do you find you take action with, what posts do you find you ignore?



When you find the answers to these questions, it helps you in choosing what you post. Most of the posters here are oldtimers/vets. It's a great place to take data. Not the only place, just a great place.
_________________________
dbmod

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#2204240 - 12/09/11 02:38 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
My son does not date much, he focuses on his studies. I dont think he will follow his fathers example on how to treat woman. I pray he doesnt. He goes to an all boys catholic high school that teaches good morals. Thank God he has that to keep him grounded.

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#2204241 - 12/09/11 02:41 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I try to take action with positive suggestions, and if i feel im being attacked mostly from Mr bond, i ignore these posts.

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#2204244 - 12/09/11 02:47 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
No i dont know, what you like about the last post?

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#2204259 - 12/09/11 03:33 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
If I told you, it wouldn't be nearly as effective as you seeing it for yourself. Teaching one to fish and all ...

But I'll give you a hint. Look at the post I liked and compare/contrast it with a lot of your other posts.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2204289 - 12/09/11 12:16 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"I dont think he will follow his fathers example on how to treat woman. "

His father doesn't treat women badly. In fact, he treats you pretty well by giving you money, offering you help when it's needed. Where do you get the idea that he treats women badly? Just because he listens to Howard Stern? Please.

"if i feel im being attacked mostly from Mr bond, i ignore these posts."

YOu feel like you're being attacked whenever someone says something you disagree with.

I seem to remember a time two years ago when you were going through an extreme bout of depression and you sounded like you were going to take your life. I and another poster stayed with you through that period and others like it.

When your son started cutting himself, I was there pushing for you to get him help.

So how do you respond? By saying something insulting about my actions towards my W. That's a very low blow which deserves an apology.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2204415 - 12/09/11 08:00 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
My h i suddenly being very nice. he is going to give me some $ to buy a used car, he went a half hr away the other day to look at it for me and now is arranging funds with bank. i appreciate what he does but could be manipulation as usual.
Is there a way someone can read you text messages. if im on his acct, its an iphone.?

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#2204416 - 12/09/11 08:01 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Dont attack and criticize ple Mr Bond

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#2204417 - 12/09/11 08:03 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Bond wants tp say" your h is giving u money and time and all you see is manipulation"

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#2204419 - 12/09/11 08:14 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
" your h is giving u money and time and all you see is manipulation"

You just answered your own question. Just the fact that he went out of his way to look for a car for you shows an act of good faith. He keeps being nice to you, but you don't notice it. When was the last time you did something for him? Honest question. If you don't want him to do anything for you, tell him. If not, then you're the one who ends up sounding manipulative. When you say things like you just want alimony, it does sound like all you're out for is money and want to punish him for the A. Is that how you want to live? Is that the example you want to set for your son? Another honest question.

"Is there a way someone can read you text messages. if im on his acct, its an iphone.?"

Yes. The primary account holder will be able to access your records.

I notice you ignored my previous post to you.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2204429 - 12/09/11 09:01 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hon, just let your H buy you a car, he obviously knows you need one. I don't think it's being manipulative; you are the mother of his child, and he still cares somewhat for you.

If you have a phone with private messages you don't want anyone to see, I would suggest you get a throw away phone for those.

And, rysmom, have a lovely weekend.
vc

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#2204454 - 12/09/11 10:37 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
First - Yes Bond has been with you through some bad times and that was years ago. Other posters moved on. Let's not forget that. And rysm, you threw some cheap and unfair/inaccurate shots at him re: his wife. It sure looked like it was done to hurt him.

Did you learn anything from that interaction? Was it at all like your interactions with your h when he left the 2nd time?

Now Second, your h is helping you get a decent deal on a car, right?

Okay, is there a question in there? I was not sure.

I don't see it as "manipulation". But since we know he'd have to pay you more money and on a regular basis, if you were divorced then it's not quite the grand gesture of "love" we might wish it were. That financial part is what your L's have said.

Plus, you'd be getting half the assets NOW before they are depleted b/c you say he spends a lot with and on OW...

So it benefits him to buy you a car that keeps your costs down. And I'm sure as VC says, he has some good feelings towards you. I think his "happy" attitude around you is b/c he's trying not to snap at you.

If you want independence AND financial security, your L's have repeatedly told you what is needed. So that's not in question...but

My question is what do you want at this point?


Is it simply a decent R with your xh so you two can discuss things like the parents of a young man do,

or a fully detached r in which you are NOT dependent on him for anything and thus, when he gives you something, it's a gift, not a substitute for support.

yes---I realize you wantED a reconciliation and I understand that. Totally. But I see that you are also trying to adapt to what is.


And you've also indicated that with him as he is now, you are Not interested in a reconciliation. Is this accurate?

IOW, assuming your h is as he is now, for good, you would rather move on and meet someone else with whom you have more in common?

we can go from there.









Originally Posted By: dolphin
My h i suddenly being very nice. he is going to give me some $ to buy a used car, he went a half hr away the other day to look at it for me and now is arranging funds with bank. i appreciate what he does but could be manipulation as usual.
Is there a way someone can read you text messages. if im on his acct, its an iphone.?
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2204472 - 12/10/11 12:43 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dbmod Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 2155
Bond has been very kind to you for a long time, rys/dolphin. He does deserve an apology, I hope you can see your way clearly.
_________________________
dbmod

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#2204489 - 12/10/11 01:48 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dbmod]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Sorry if i offended you, there have been times that ive felt offended by some things that you have said too.

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#2204741 - 12/11/11 07:29 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
I just heard a quote on tv that made me think of you, rys. It was "hope can be paralyzing". It's how I was, too.
vc

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#2204846 - 12/12/11 11:17 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
h is letting ow use the $25000 car that he bought. She sold her car i think i dont see it anymore. I picked up my new used car on sat. that h helped me pay for, of course i text him and thanked him . i spoke to him 1 time on fri when i was at dealer looking at it.
I think its time to take some legal action after the holidays.

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#2204847 - 12/12/11 11:18 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Hi vc
was that quote on joel osteen? it sounds familiar.

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#2204891 - 12/12/11 02:51 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Actually, it was on "Criminal Minds". About a mother whose child had been kidnapped, and she never let her hope die that he would be found alive, even after eight years. He actually was found alive. But, one of the detectives said that hope can be paralyzing, because all she lived on was her hope. I don't know anything about Joel Osteen, and am not a follower of his.

I hope you enjoy your "new" car. If you are ready for some legal action after the first of the year, then you should do whatever you feel you should do. I do, however think you should open some dialogue with your H before then, and ask him where he thinks things are going to go in the future with you two. I wouldn't totally blindside him if I were you. And as for ow, maybe she is on the way out, maybe that's why you didn't see her car. You just don't know until you know.
Have a nice day.

vc

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#2204937 - 12/12/11 05:12 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Im pretty sure she is using the car, because i think both of the cars are gone during the day because they go to work. it really bothers me the money he is spending on her. Hes looking at a 3000 massage chair now for their living room.

He text me last week that he talked to his biological half sister from NC that he never knew because he is adopted. i said thats nice does she look like you- a little, is your mother alive-yes. All the time we were together i encouraged him to find his family but he had no interest. they are my sons relatives too. to bad i missed out on this.

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#2204971 - 12/12/11 07:33 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Who tells you what he is buying or thinking of buying? Does someone in his family tell you things? If so, what do they say about his attitude towards you?

I think it's great he has connected with his biological family. Perhaps while you were together he just didn't feel ready to find them. It can be really stressful to meet a sister and mother you never knew.

How do you plan to handle things after the first of the year?

vc

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#2204972 - 12/12/11 07:36 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"She sold her car i think i dont see it anymore."

Are you still stalking him?

"it really bothers me the money he is spending on her. Hes looking at a 3000 massage chair now for their living room."

None of your concern.

I think you missed the point of everyone's posts to you or are just choosing to stay stuck in one position. The thing is that you are fixating too much on the OW without working on yourself. You're pissed that he's driving around with the OW, so you are going to push legal action. Weren't you doing that already?

And if you were going to do that, why did you accept the car from him? He's been trying his hardest to stay connected to you by giving money, the car, talking about his life etc. but you can't get past the OW.

"to bad i missed out on this."

You're not missing out on it because he just told you about it. You're just not choosing to see it that way.

If you don't like him right now and can't accept him as the person you see before you right now, what's taking so long with the D? It's obvious you want to get back together with him, yet you condemn him for his music choices, etc. What do you want?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2205617 - 12/15/11 10:00 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I am addicted to going to the dating sites. i have been talking to this guy from CT hes a chiropractor and we are suppose to go for dinner fri. night. i dont think i should go though. i think he is a player. He has been calling me every night for the past 2 wks, but didnt call me last night, i think he was on a date and i fell rejected.
after going through this m stuff for 5 yrs im really lonely and vulnerable. maybe this isnt a good idea but im hooked on looking for love on these sites. i dont know why i get addicted to things i know arent good for me.
i told my therapist i wanted to come every 2 wks instead of 3 and she said i dont want you to be to dependent on me.

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#2205688 - 12/15/11 04:29 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Dolphin, try to take back control over yourself. If you're really addicted to dating sites try taking a break from them for a while, set a date to go back but work on being happy in yourself for a while.

If you don't think you should go to dinner, cancel it (hurry, it's Thursday) or postpone it. If you haven't been out with him yet and he's out on dates that doesn't make him a player. But don't go on your first dinner with a guy and expect to be bf/gf and exclusive already. If that makes you feel rejected you might be too needy to date yet. Lonely OK I get that but vulnerable? Why? How? What can you do to repair that? A man can't fix it.

Try to think like your therapist so you learn to have confidence that you can take care of you.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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#2205693 - 12/15/11 04:45 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: adinva]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
See it's posts like this last one that lead me to believe:

1) That your sitch isn't real, or
2) You come here seeking attention and seriously need professional help

You talked about your H's OW car being missing, then when I asked if you were stalking him you didn't respond.

You've never mentioned anything about being "addicted" to dating sites, yet have never said anything until now. You complain about how a chiropracter is checking you out and is really nice, yet he's a player without even meeting him. Again this part goes back to your paranoia about everyone being out to get you.

Then you talk about how your therapist said you shouldn't be so dependent on her. This is something you mentioned EXACTLY word for word about a year ago. I don't know any therapists that would tell you that a year ago and continue to see you.

And lastly, you talk about how you should start filing, etc. Yet didn't you say that you did that already? Talking to a L, getting your paperwork, etc.

We're all here to help real people who want to help heal themselves and/or their marriages. If your sitch is real, then I really do feel for you, if not, don't waste our time to just give you pity. Get the help you need and not just attention.

BTW, I say that in the most honest and compassionate way possible.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2205777 - 12/15/11 09:15 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
No im not stalking but i want to know if she is driving the other car he bought with h money. No this story is not ficticious. i plan on filing after the holidays i couldnt take that stress for holidays and ruin it for son.
I cut back on therapist to every 3 wks cuz i have to pay out of pocket 6 mos ago, and when i asked if i could come every 2 wks she said no cuz to dependent. im going to go to a new counselor on mon. thru my ins. if im going to file i need alot of support.
like i said before i would not waste my time making up this story that rediculous.

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#2205779 - 12/15/11 09:30 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
but in Bond's defense, out of nowhere you declare that you are "addicted" to dating sites (I never knew you were on ANY dating sites)

and then you say you "met" a nice guy who wants to take you out and has called you every night. The ONE night he does not call you, as if he's obligated to,

means he's a player and you are so afraid of getting hurt you will prevent it by preventing ANY relationship from happening.

And you don't see how sad that is? SIGH...

I think you should do whatever it takes, to get better. No offense intended, but

you seem to lack the basic skills of how to make yourself happy and

your thought process seems to generate negative feelings in you.

That means you need help. No shame in that, but get the help.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2205781 - 12/15/11 09:44 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
im going to the new therapist on mon. maybe because my father walked out when i was young it effected my trust in relationships. i have talked about this in counseling but it hasnt helped over 20 yrs.
Im meeting the Dr for dinner tomorrow at a restaurant, an hr away. i dont think it will lead to any thing long term, (im not ready for that anyway) because of distance but it will be nice to go on a date. Im lonely and i deserve some fun, ive been alone long enough, life is to short to keep waiting. If i dont find a man soon i will be to old, and they wont want me.

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#2205782 - 12/15/11 09:47 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I didnt mention about the dating site, because i know that it would probably not be recommeded on here at this time. Im 52 yrs old i cant wait any longer.

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#2205783 - 12/15/11 09:55 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
seeking answers Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 2588
Don't you think that you should do the work on yourself first so that you can go on and have a healthy R with someone? If you don't you're going to fall back into the same old patterns that helped destroy your M. No, I'm not saying you only are to blame, but until you can face your own issues head on and deal with them, you won't find what you're looking for, because no one would ever be able to fulfill your needs and expectations.

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#2205786 - 12/15/11 10:07 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2072
Originally Posted By: dolphin
ive been alone long enough, life is to short to keep waiting. If i dont find a man soon i will be to old, and they wont want me.

Why do you define yourself in terms of someone else?
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2205790 - 12/15/11 10:33 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
If i wait to deal with my own issues any longer i will be old and ugly and end up alone forever.

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#2205808 - 12/16/11 12:27 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
Okay, so your sitch is real. That means your problems are real. Personally I don't think you are ready to date. You're not doing yourself or the guy a favor by being so dependent.

I mentioned about how you condemn others for their actions whether real or imagined. You just did it again with the chiropractor. That's extremely unfair to him.

You seriously need to work on your trust issues. I get it that your dad left, your H left, etc. but it's not this guy. On top of that, it's none of your business if the OW is driving your H's car. Have you done anything...anything at all to work on your trust issues? Has your therapist worked on that at all?

Switching to another therapist isn't going to help just because your current one says that you should be weened off due to dependency issues. You can't get another therapist just because you disagree with the one that's been with you awhile.

I can honestly see things not going well with this new guy until you get those issues set straight.

"If i wait to deal with my own issues any longer i will be old and ugly and end up alone forever."

You haven't dealt with your issues at all. You've been reactive rather than proactive. Finding another guy is like putting a bandaid on your problems. In the end they will come up again like an open wound.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2205817 - 12/16/11 01:23 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
agree with the above...

but I also can feel her despair and loneliness and so I get why she wants to date.'

Then again Rysmom, you are already predicting things won't or can't work out with this nice guy b/c of the distance or b/c of your fears, etc

so won't that confirm your worst fears and set you back?

I guess I'm saying if you can handle it, then dating might be good for your ego

but so far it seems to be sort of a set up for failure

and then you get upset all over again. If it makes you feel better at least I could see that it was doing something positive

even if it wasn't perfect. But if you won't even feel better, then re-examine it.

Can you handle some fun companionship without pinning a bunch of hope and expectation on it?

If you can, then maybe it'll be good
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2205890 - 12/16/11 02:22 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Instead of imagining that he's a player, try imagining that he's having thoughts just like you. "She seems nice, but it's long distance and I'm really not ready for a longterm relationship. I think I'll just go and have some fun, because I'm lonely."

Don't expect him to want you more than you want him. Imagine that he's a lonely human.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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#2205906 - 12/16/11 03:57 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: adinva]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Thanks for your message. Yesterday i text him a picture of me and he didnt respond, a couple of hours later i text him and said "am i your type"? he didnt reply.
last night i text and asked if he knew best way to travel with holiday traffic. he called me back and sounded a little angry that i had sent him text about "being his type". he said" im 53 yrs old do u think i would be talking to u if u werent my type". i hope i didnt ruin things. im nervous about going but looking forward to it. We are meeting in one of the nicest cities in CT where ive never been.

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#2205907 - 12/16/11 03:58 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
I know i should let him call and text me, not bother him.

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#2205908 - 12/16/11 03:59 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Im going to volunteer at a horse rescue this weekend. i have to find one close to me . i would love to do that. I know i have to find my own happiness.

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#2205949 - 12/16/11 08:00 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
"i text him a picture of me and he didnt respond, a couple of hours later i text him and said "am i your type"? he didnt reply.
last night i text and asked if he knew best way to travel with holiday traffic. he called me back and sounded a little angry that i had sent him text about "being his type". he said" im 53 yrs old do u think i would be talking to u if u werent my type"."

I hope you notice how much of a red flag that is. Out of all the critical comments about my posts, this shows you haven't actually read them.

From your comment above it shows:
1) that you really need to work on your insecurity issues and be more independent. It shows that you are very needy and as a guy, I can tell you that it will repel men to go out with a needy woman. Just being honest.
2) are setting yourself up to be dependent on another man. Is that what you really want?

So what if you go out and he doesn't call you back? You're going to start condemning him all over again. I don't know if you realize alot of the problems in your sitch start from you. Start relying on yourself and not other men. I get that you're lonely, but you'll get a better chance of getting the right guy if you're not so dependent on him and critical.
3)
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2207877 - 12/25/11 01:25 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a blessed day.

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#2207920 - 12/25/11 07:42 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Merry Christmas to you, too!!

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#2212765 - 01/14/12 07:24 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi vc how are you?

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#2214273 - 01/20/12 07:06 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hey, girl, there you are! How have you been? Anything new going on? Did your S enjoy his Christmas?
vc

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#2214810 - 01/22/12 11:19 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
imthemom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 343
Loc: California
VC...how are things? been wondering about you??
_________________________
Me:48 H:42
M: 18 yrs.
S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H
D bomb: 9/9/11
OW confirmed 10/30/11
D papers filed 11/01/11
S15 S21(Special needs) S28

Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...

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#2220198 - 02/09/12 04:42 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: imthemom]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hey, rysmom, how are things going with you, now? I hope you and S are doing ok.

vc

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#2221846 - 02/14/12 06:03 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi vc
how are you? im not doing good. i am having trouble getting motivated to do anything. i have to find a support group. Dating did not bring me any happiness just more confusion, but i dont like being alone either.

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#2221848 - 02/14/12 06:04 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: imthemom]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi
how are you doing? good i hope. having trouble moving forward with my life.

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#2221850 - 02/14/12 06:05 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
feeling sad today. like many others im sure. why is love so complicated?

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#2221853 - 02/14/12 06:11 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
im addicted to the dating sites, they sometimes leave me feeling rejected if my mail box has no messages. i met some nice professional men but did not amount to anything. i know i should be focusing on divorce to take care of son and i.

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#2221902 - 02/14/12 08:09 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
You mean you're not divorced yet? I thought you were having your L take care of everything.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2222072 - 02/15/12 09:57 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rys, for one thing, stay away from the dating sites. You are still married, and married people don't date. If you want to be free to be with someone else, you know what to do. You also have the grounds on which to file, obviously. And if you are having trouble getting motivated to do anything, then write down things which you would like to accomplish, and what you need to do step by step to get there. Even if you are stuck right now, you can make a list, can't you? It requires no other action than thought and writing. There is no dang reason in the world you should be so unhappy, and so stuck in your unhappiness. You are young enough that you can find someone else to share your life with, and take your time in finding that someone. But, you have to fix what is wrong with you, first. Do you want to be very old one day and look back and wish you had taken a different path than the one you are on now?

If you are worried about the monetary aspect of it, and if your H would continue to give you money, well, you have gone back to school, and should be able soon to support yourself.

Do you really believe at this point that you would be able to get your H back? Would you want him back? He, obviously, is not the same man you knew years ago. Sometimes, even after this length of time, a spouse will want to reconcile, but I would imagine it is rare, especially when you have given him no indication that you want to reconcile. I mean, other than the phone messages stating how wrong he is.

What do you do to really enjoy life? What makes you really happy?

How is your S? Has he settled on a college? These next few months will be pretty busy for y'all. College applications, financial aid, Prom, all that senior stuff. We were doing all this stuff this time last year, so I know how it is.

I hope things will get better for you, soon.

We are doing fine here, trucks have been in and hauled away a lot of the debris from the tornado. I imagine it will be a long time before it's all gone. Things will never be the same with so many homes gone, so many trees gone. It's a shock to me every day. But, hey, we are alive, and that's what counts.

vc

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#2222110 - 02/15/12 01:02 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi vc
i didnt know there was a tornado by you. im glad you and family are ok.
sons hasnt decided on college yet. h sent yellow roses from him and son yesterday saying to a great mother, it was a nice gesture but think nothing more than that like hes done in the past. i text h and said thanks and happy val. day. he bought a porsche 2007 cayenne and shes driving the bentley i think. i know i hv to file he still has his spend addiction one of the issues in the marriage . i text him last week about doing taxes he says hes depressed and weak cuz check he got for workd bounced and all the chx he sent to work clients bounced. some things never change with him and money.

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#2227758 - 03/05/12 08:06 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rys, how have you been doing?
vc

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#2232006 - 03/20/12 12:13 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi everyone
i havent been here in many months.. my son went on a retreat with school and they asked the parents to write their kids a letter saying the things they were proud of since the day they were born, and their son would receive the letter on the 3rd day of the retreat. so i text h to please write the letter to ryan. he was happy to do it. the school also asked the parents to come to the school for a reunion on the day the boys returned from the reunion. so i text h and told him about going. it was in the auditorium. i got there early and h didnt show until just before it was going to start. he came over to sit with me, i was surprised.
we had a very nice conversation, he was being really nice to me. i asked about his family and i told him i d been playing alot of tennis and had tennis elbow very bad. i told him my sister was coming fro st patricks day. he said he would send me a copy of the letter he wrote to ryan. i said i would send him mine too. we emailed the letters to each other the next day. his was very nice talking about the day ryan was born and the many memories of him growing up, and his talents and strength. my letter said the same too.
at the reunion w the family the boys all came out and sat on the stage and some went up to talk about their exp. on the retreat. at end the teacher said to go and join your family now and then go to gym to get your suitcase. ryan just went to get his bag he didnt come over. ron and i stood in hallway with other parents waiting for their son's and we continued to chat which was very nice. then the 3 of us walked out together to my car . after we put stuff in he came over to my car door cuz i was sitting in car,and seemed like he didnt want us to leave.
the next day was st pats day and sister and i and our kids went to beach. when we were at beach h text me and said he put gift for my nephew and vitamins to help heal my elbow. he left my nephew 150.00 that was the gift.

sitting with him that day made me realize how much i miss him and miss talking to him. h has a whole other life with ow though apt. and everything.
i still feel stuck with finding my own happiness. i dont have much work right now and spend to much time on the dating sites. i get lonely being alone. the dr. from CT doesnt call me and i think about him to much. i think because i wasnt div. he lost interest. i know i shouldnt be dating but im afraid ill be alone forever if i get any older and less attractive.

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#2232113 - 03/20/12 06:29 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
Are you divorced yet?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2232178 - 03/20/12 08:53 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
chatterbug Offline
Member

Registered: 09/19/09
Posts: 2757
Originally Posted By: Drew
Originally Posted By: dolphin
i dont want to make excuses anymore im not getting any younger and dont want to waste my life.

I think this might be your best post ever.


You may need to read that again.
_________________________
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!

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#2232208 - 03/20/12 09:57 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: chatterbug]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
it's okay to take charge of your life.

In fact I think it's our duty to take charge of it. Life is short. Do what it takes to be happy. Deep down, you know what that means.

I think Your h does not see you as an option in his future.

But Your son really needs to see you happy. You want to be happy.

So Go be happy.

& God bless
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2239582 - 04/21/12 12:15 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
Hi dolphin--

Are you doing well? Sending you good thoughts--


sg wink
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#2241302 - 04/27/12 11:30 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
hi
i havent been on here in a long time. i am having some health problems now. i went for check up 2 weeks ago and the pap smear came out abnormal so dr did took a biopsy and i will get results next week.
son and i went on vacation to san diego for a week, 2 weeks ago and had a great time.
my business is kind of slow now. i am going to take a class in the summer for nutritionist. i spoke to some people and they said work for radiologists are flooded with people trying to get that positons so im not going to continue down that path.
im still playing tennis often and im taking golf lessons once a wk.
h is still living at mothers with ow i guess and his mother is still very ill not much time left, she is 83.
hope everyone is doing well.

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#2241320 - 04/28/12 02:10 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm praying for you to get better.

Have you finished filing the divorce? Hopefully you find peace in that area.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2241328 - 04/28/12 03:01 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
thanks for your prayers. i have not filed yet i dont know if i want to do that now if im having health problems because the stress of that would compromise my immune system.
i will definately make sure my son get my house though not h and ow if it comes to that. my son is staying home for college going to go for film and intern in NYC the college has a very good internship program to work in NYC, ive heard lots of good things about it. son is doing well he graduates h.s. on june 3. he went on his first dinner date 2 weeks ago she is a friend of his best friend from other catholic h.s. which is nice. im glad hes getting out more. we really enjoyed our trip to CA it improved our relationship, made us closer went on lots of adventures there.

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#2241356 - 04/28/12 06:59 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10725
Loc: west coast
Sorry you are possibly having health problems (an abnormal pap smear does not, of course, necessarily mean you have a big health problem. You'll have to see. I've had an abnormal one and a few weeks later it was normal again. Also had a benign tumor, got it removed and a few things improved that I didn't even know were related. So, while I'm praying for you, I would not get ahead of myself...

Originally Posted By: dolphin
thanks for your prayers. i have not filed yet i dont know if i want to do that now if im having health problems because the stress of that would compromise my immune system.


This^^ statement intrigues me Dolphin. You've been under stress and you've been depressed for a few years now. Any chance THAT stress has been bad for you?

Might the freedom to let go of the pain you are chronically in, start fresh, get some closure and being happy, feel better? Surely being lonely as you are, isn't good for you.

i will definately make sure my son get my house though not h and ow if it comes to that.

Don't know what this^^ means. If you are legally married and you pass away, your spouse gets what the will says OR gets 1/3 in most states, even if you try to disinherit him.

I'm Not pushing you...but there's no way you'd "definitely make sure" of anything without taking some action.

The idea that things will somehow work out fine- if you do nothing, is false.

VC has tried to get you to reach out to your h in the hopes of a possible reconciliation and

Bond and I have tried to prepare you for life after H, b/c he is living with OW and shows no signs of changing that or coming home to you.

You take neither the path towards your h, nor towards a new life.

Anyone can talk themselves into inaction b/c it's the path of least resistance. But Dolphin, where has it gotten you?


You are in the same place now that you were a few years ago....and that makes me very sad.



my son is staying home for college going to go for film and intern in NYC the college has a very good internship program to work in NYC, ive heard lots of good things about it. son is doing well he graduates h.s. on june 3. he went on his first dinner date 2 weeks ago she is a friend of his best friend from other catholic h.s. which is nice. im glad hes getting out more. we really enjoyed our trip to CA it improved our relationship, made us closer went on lots of adventures there.


When you say you are glad he's getting out more, was he not going out before?

Was your son acting depressed? Is he very Introverted? Does he see a T?

What does he like doing? Does he play any sports? Play any instruments or listen to a particular type of music?

What do h and he do when they are together? Are they bonding more now?

Will he be living at home the whole 4 years or eventually moving out on his own?

Is your son happy?

Hope all turns out well for you Rysmom. Hope you find your strength.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2241437 - 04/28/12 05:06 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
Hi rys-

I imagine it can be very scary having an abnormal pap smear, but as 25 has mentioned...having an abnormal one, and then having them all be normal is very common. I'm glad your healthcare practitioner is doing what seems to be the appropriate tests.

I am praying for you as well.

I was thinking your son was slightly older than this, my mistake. I'm glad he's getting out.


I'm agreeing with you in prayer for the high road and best outcome in all things (health, relationship, etc).

I'm not as often as I'd like to be but I wanted to check in. Take very good care.
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#2241456 - 04/28/12 06:49 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Pap not normal because I had unprotected sex 1 time and I got hpv 16 which is the kind that most commonly causes cervical cancer. I was angry at myself for being so careless and also the dentist that I was seeing that I got it from. I was so careful all of these yrs with my health and this unfortunately happened but I'm taking action to stay healthy and have pap done every 6 mos

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#2241474 - 04/28/12 09:50 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11021
Are you still seeing the dentist?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2250474 - 06/01/12 06:01 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
Hi, rysmom, I hope you are doing well. How's your health? All you can do is live your life and get yourself checked out when the doc tells you to. Stuff happens, and we have to live with it. Good luck.

And, MrBond, that really wasn't funny. Don't goad her. It isn't nice.

vc

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#2256683 - 06/22/12 10:39 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: verycrazy]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Hi
i have not been here in a long time. my MIL died this morning in the hospital. i went to see her in hospital on wed. i hadnt seen her in 2 yrs. i told her i loved her and held her hand, she was in very bad shape. only half conscious. she was sick for the past yr and a half. congestive heart failure. i glad i saw her before she died . my h came over today and told son and i. i gave him a hug and said i was sorry for her passing but she was in a better place and no more suffering. im not looking forward to wake and funeral.

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#2258362 - 06/28/12 09:40 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
verycrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 1567
Loc: somewhere out there...
I am so sorry, rys. I am glad you went to see her. I hope all went well with the wake and funeral. How is your S doing? Getting excited about his first year in college?
Take care, girl, praying for you.

vc

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