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#2203693 - 12/07/11 06:31 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10713
Loc: west coast
Still Bond,

she's made progress with a lot of her phobias and she is getting out of her comfort zone big time.

She's braver than before. When she learns to love herself, she'll also learn to forgive herself and cut herself some slack, realizing she did the best she could at the time with the tools she had, or lacked.

And in time, that realization may lead to being able to see the best in others, through their flaws.

For the most part, our WASs and MLCers do not mean to hurt us. They are lost and confused AND OR

they have made choices to change their lives in ways THEY believe will lead them to happiness. Hard to convince them otherwise with words.

rysmom I DO hope you find a way to let go of your pain and anger, b/c it will free YOU.

Feeling Anger takes a lot of emotional and mental energy,

energy which could instead be spent on creating a new, happier life for you & your son.



IN the meantime, I'm glad you are pushing your own personal envelope and getting OUT more and meeting people.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2203710 - 12/07/11 11:29 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: sgctxok]
dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 82
Hi SG
Hope you are doing well. Hope your new relationship and job are going well. Happy Holidays to you too. Thanks for being there.

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#2203764 - 12/07/11 04:17 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10934
True. However, she picks and chooses what she wants to acknowledge and ignores the others. It's a little rude for those who have been trying to help her for so long. It's why so many great posters have dropped off helping her even when she needed it the most.

The bouts of depression, the issues with her son and H. She keeps asking what's wrong and how things can get better. Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them. Of course she doesn't have to agree with what others say, but she should respect the fact that others have only her best intentions in mind.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203765 - 12/07/11 04:17 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10934
I did find her last few comments back at me about my W offensive.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2203794 - 12/07/11 05:43 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10713
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: MrBond
I did find her last few comments back at me about my W offensive.


they were.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203803 - 12/07/11 06:43 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: MrBond]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 2062
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them.

I'm one of them.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#2203807 - 12/07/11 06:56 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Drew]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10713
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Drew
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Then when people recommend things that she doesn't agree with, she ignores them.

I'm one of them.


most of us have been ignored at times...still we hang in there trying to help.

When I see progress I feel compelled to note it partly b/c it has been slow in coming.

OTOH rysmom, you had some serious baggage from your childhood and In the marriage, which was not always known to us.

I think your own fog has been lifting lately and now you KNOW that the only way for you have financial security is by divorce. That is not in dispute.


according to you, your ex h is Not an honest man. He bribes and lies and cheats...that is according to you. So that is not in dispute. Keep that clarity.

He obviously thinks it's okay to have OW living with him and involved in his life and his family, like a wife would be. So, do what you have to do so you are not stuck anymore.

There are many good men out there. Give them a chance.

Yes they are flawed, as we all are. But maybe as you learn to love yourself, warts and all, you may find it easier to love others, as they are, and not feel disappointed that they have faults.

Don't forget to have fun with your son. How does he treat his girlfriends? I hope he has not learned too many bad habits from his dad on that issue.

((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2203886 - 12/07/11 11:52 PM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: 25yearsmlc]
dbmod Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 2155
There are lessons for those who start the thread and in the discussion, and there are lessons for posters.


What have posters learned here?
_________________________
dbmod

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#2203890 - 12/08/11 12:16 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: dolphin]
Walking Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 1194
Loc: Australia/Pacific
Quote:
Thanks very much for you post. You are right until i learn to love myself no one else is going to love me.


Rysmom - you know when I was really working on this, this concept of "loving" myself, I couldn't get it. I didn' get it. I'd been so empty inside myself for so long, I literally didn't know how to turn on my love for myself or tap in to the beautiful love of God.

I prayed for it. I prayed to God to show me what this thing was that everyone talked about. "Dear God, show me what it means to love myself. Please give me the signs and information that I need to figure out what is blocking me loving myself." I prayed and prayed and prayed - because I was sad, and lonely and I was sick of myself and wanted to be happy again.

And all of a sudden things started appearing, little articles on love and faith, new opportunties for me to do things I'd been wanting to do but hadn't chased, new people came into my life. Suddenly I wasn't so interested in finding fault in others - I started finding goodness in others. I became less interested in the negatiive aspects of the world, and became excited about all the positive. My world changed from dull grey to bright, sunny, blue ... and still I kept praying.

I trusted that God would show me the way and I kept accepting all the opportunities he put before me ... and slowly, painstakingly (more to do with my own resistance than any obstacle the universe put before me) I learned about Love. Along the way, I also learned about boundaries - and loving myself enough to have limits to what I would accept from others and myself. Enforcing my boundaries has become an act of self love.

Trust God and pray for him to show you the way to Love. You are so close.

V x
_________________________
V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.

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#2203892 - 12/08/11 12:25 AM Re: H took my son to buy me a gift [Re: Walking]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10934
That's a great post Walking.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
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